A British mathematician was fishing for complements.

He was a right angler.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yellsatrjokes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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Someone: I like your name!

Me: Thanks, I got it for my birthday

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Logandalf2002
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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What did the shy ear of corn say after he was complemented?

Aww shucks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bcferguson128
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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My friend complemented me about how good I was a cooking Mac and cheese.

I said β€œthanks, it’s a special craft β€œ.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bubbs67
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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How do Flat-Earthers react to a complement

β€œI’m Flattered”

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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Somebody made the mistake of complementing my dad's beard today...

He replied with: thanks, I grew it myself.

He got a high five for that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HughJerectDick
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2015
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During a speed cooking competition, a cook refused to complement his chicken with herbs.

He thought it was a waste of thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arklaw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
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How do you complement a Berber girl?

Tell her she's Amazigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/habetrot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2015
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How do you find the complement of an angle?

Just say it's acute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexolivero
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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I love when my drink complements my food. (x-post from r/funny)

I am dad, I drew this.

http://i.imgur.com/c46sobB.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rorda
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2015
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My SO dad joked me while complementing me.

We were hugging and she squeezes my arms and says "you're so firm.... you could be a company..." I groaned but was so proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigHeadC
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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My two month old daughter doesn’t like being put down to sleep.

I’m going to try complementing her instead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTayloceraptor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?

Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/totally80s
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
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My dad pulled a fast one on me.

Me (eating hot dogs): Damn, I love how relish and mustard go so well together! It's like they're made for each other or something.

Dad: I didn't know you like relish and mustard that much.

Me: Me neither, this is really good!

Dad: Well that was quite the... complement.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iAmWerfs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2016
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Why are all the other lady planets jealous of Saturn

Why are all the lady planet jealous of Saturn?

Because it has so many rings!

Complements of my wife.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2017
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You're just like those peanuts from the bar...

Complimentary

(Use this after being complemented)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A7O747D
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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