When it comes to decorating the Christmas tree, I've got a leg up on the competition. My cat says I passed out under the tree again, but I told her to stop pulling my leg.
What happens if a cat wins a dog competition during a tornado?
Why can’t Satan’s cheerleading squad win any competitions?
Because they have literally no chants in Hell.
How do figure skaters prepare for competitions
The guy who lost the fishing competition was really upset.
He was totally out of line.
The toucan once faced fierce competition in it's ecological niche.
Eventually, though, it came to dominate the toucannot.
What do you a call a competition for computers?
I was in a cat competition that wasn't like your typical competition. They had a category for cat butts, which I ended up winning...
But it was just a cat-ass-trophy
Overheard at an international chemistry competition
Said by a British chemist: "I'll kick your arsenic!"
Said by an American chemist: "I'll kick your astatine!"
I submitted nearly a dozen entries to a dad joke competition, hoping one would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
I just won a teddy bear making competition with my kids.
Did you hear about the punctuation competition?
The winner got an apostrophe.
The result of an art competition...
In a Student v.s. Teacher competition
How did the bagel shop owner get rid of the competition on his block?
He ran a pretty intense schmear campaign
Did you hear about all the competition in the outdoor pickled cabbage contest?
I refuse to vote for anyone in the dried fruit competition.
There aren't any good candied-dates.
I just came second in my city's big bubble blowing competition
I came so close to winning but I blew it
In a village, far far away, two farmers often had a competition within themselves to see who harvests the most every 6 months.
After failing to win for about 9 times in a row, Jaime, hired a spy who will go and check Jack's harvest the night before the contest so he can harvest more. As the spy came back the night before, he informed the farmer Jaime about the amount that he saw inside Jack's yard but he was not able to tell the amount in exact. Jaime took the spy to his paddy field, gave him some extra money than what they initially agreed upon and said...
"You reap what you saw".
A farmer won a competition. When he was told he won, he was so surprised.
They say he was outstanding in his own field.
What’s the Highest Level of Competition That a Semi Professional Sauerkraut Pickler Aspires To?
I've got a pedigree toothless Norwegian Blue Parrot I want to enter in competitions
My son seemed really upset that he came in last at the Karate competition.
I reattached a cup holder to my son's car seat the other day. My daughter (5yo) taunted him, saying, "I have TWO cup holders!" I told her, "It's not a competition," to which she replied...
"But it is a CUP-etition!"
... I've never been so proud of her.
Who would win a racing competition among all the computer devices?
What do you call a goodlooking winner of a large suntanning competition?
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting the 2020 Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
No one expected me to win the cereal eating competition
...but I've got some Trix up my sleeve
Inspired by a recent post here
What do you say in a sitting competition?
Recently went to a steak eating competition.
There was a lot of beef between the competitors.
I won biggest shoe competition
How did the dolphin win the pinball competition?
He had good flipper action
I lost the tug of war competition
Did you hear about the cow competition worth 1,000,000 dollars?
The higher up you can get your cow the higher the score you get.
The steaks are rising.
A man enters into a baking competition
And realizes that his cake batter was not turning out right. After a moment of panic, he had a sudden realization and placed the whole mixing bowl, whisk and all, into the oven. After 20 minutes he took the whole thing out and served it to the judges. Understandably, he got last place. When he met up with his family afterwards, his wife asked, “what were you thinking?” The man replied, “I don’t know, but it was a whisk I was willing to bake.”
Man, wait till you hear what my finishing move was at the Battleship competition!
I won a thumb at a lisp competition, but lost it soon after.
You win thumb, you lose thumb.
Frankenstein enters a body building competition and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective
I entered a pun competition with 10 puns of mine:
I hoped at least one of them will win, but no pun in ten did.
Superman and I had an arm wrestling competition
The loser had to wear their underwear over their pants.
My friend Ty came first in a swimming competition in Beijing, but he wasn’t given a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
Who always wins fashion competitions?
People who tie for first place
Why did the chef lose the cooking competition?
I came second in a Winston Churchill lookalike competition
If there were a competition for hiccups, it would probably be called The Hic-Cup.
I just won a pickle growing competition!
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