Looking for a veteran to stand-in as my father for Christmas, compensation included.

For lease navy dad

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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Why was the Shawarma on workers compensation?

It falafel ladder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tmacker14
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2016
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In June there was a Supreme Court ruling that overturned a Department of Agriculture policy in which raisins were seized from farmers in order to maintain high prices. An appeal case was suggested that would mandate compensation for farmers who forfeited their raisins

Clarence Thomas, in response, said an appeal would be "a fruitless exercise"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dude108
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2015
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A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says β€œI don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, β€œwhatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says β€œthere’s no charge.” Shocked she replies β€œno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” β€œHonestly ma’am”, the mortician says, β€œit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I had to undergo a 6 week course of radiotherapy last year on my salivary glands.

Every week, I had an appointment with a doctor where they would ask me about my health. They would ask me the same usual questions. This is how it would go:

Dr: Do you get a dry mouth?

Me: Yes but I drink water to compensate.

Dr: Any issues with hearing?

Me: Sorry?

Dr (louder): any issues with hearing?

Me: Beg your pardon?

Dr starts laughing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Were you forced to walk 500 miles then walk 500 more?

You could be due compensation. Contact the Pro-Claimers now!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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A buddy fixed the boiler in our new house

He wouldn’t accept any compensation. Called it our house warming gift.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hutimuti
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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Understanding Disney Villains

I really think Disney Villains are misunderstood. You have to respect how they pursue their passions. They usually have henchmen or β€œemployees” so I’m guessing there’s a compensation system in place and they are managing a budget to fund all their evil campaigns. And what business model did they have to follow? Was there an Ursula before Ursula? I don’t think so. These villains are business visionaries and they deserve such respect.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sesmith420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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Complained to my dad about having to pay $1 at the gas station air pump...

"Don't be upset, you're just compensating for inflation."

:|

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajustyle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2013
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an old man died and was delivered to the local mortuary.....

.. and he's wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.' The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, 'There's no charge.' 'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,' she says. 'Honestly, ma'am,' the mortician says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.' 'So I just switched the heads.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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Proclaimers

DID YOU WALK 500 MILES?. WERE YOU ADVISED TO WALK 500 MORE?. YOU COULD CLAIM COMPENSATION!. CALL THE PRO-CLAIMERS TODAY!.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2015
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