Clairvoyance...

To wife and her friend yesterday: "I can tell the future, know how?" (In I-have-a-stupid-joke-voice),,,,pause..."I have six cents"...pulling out a nickel and a penny from my pocket. Wait, it gets better worse: pulled out a piece of paper with the word groan on it.

Sometimes you have to set things up.

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ja647
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2015
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I used to be clairvoyant

But I didn’t see a future in it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thenewfoo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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The cannibal living next to me caught and killed a clairvoyant...

He only put her in the oven for only half an hour though.

Apparently he likes his medium rare.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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Clairvoyants are either really miserable or really angry

There is no happy medium

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimenon001
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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How clairvoyant
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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A dwarf clairvoyant just escaped prison

Police say there is a small medium at large

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashh640
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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I used to go out with a girl who was a medium, a clairvoyant and a psychic.

I broke it off because she said she was seeing other people all the time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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There has been some good news today as a plus-size clairvoyant announces they are releasing a charity calendar, with pictures of them in their underwear.

Fans of the psychic say that they are looking forward to seeing a large medium in smalls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megamouth2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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I'm going to open a funeral home for clairvoyants.

It'll be called Remains To Be Seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrAaronMN
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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A 8 foot tall clairvoyant has escaped from prison, wearing only his underwear

Police are looking for a large medium in smalls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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A clairvoyant woman had an older brother who was always angry and a younger brother who was blissful to the point of naΓ―vetΓ©.

Thankfully, she was a happy medium between the two.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/In_The_Comments
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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I always knew I'd be a failed clairvoyant
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chrisazy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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A clairvoyant walks into a bar.

'Ouch', she said, 'I didn't see that one coming.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2017
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NBC is going to premier a new tv show tonight about a clairvoyant dwarf cat burglar.

It's called "Small Medium at Large"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/8string
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2015
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What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison?

A small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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A midget clairvoyant conman escaped prison.

The headline read: β€œSmall Medium at Large!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZonieDrew
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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A midget clairvoyant has escaped from prison!

There's a small medium at large!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oldtiredwhitedude
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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What do you call a tiny person, who's clairvoyant and has just escaped from prison?

A small, medium, at large.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anjariasuhas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
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