What do you call a mobile home for mentally insane horses?

Unstable.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LATROPSP
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie,” he says, β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I met my wife at a mental institution...

We are crazy about each other.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Lobotomy is the solution for all mental illness.

It's a no brainer.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Can someone connect mental health and dentistry in a pun?

I hope this appropriate to ask here. I am going to create a mental health support group on Facebook for Australian/New Zealand dental students and am needing a catchy/punny name. Currently there exists two mental health support groups that I know of on Facebook, both for dentists and not students. One is called Mental Dental and the other is called The Mental Block (alluding to the mental nerve in dentistry), so obviously I can't use those.

I'm not great with word games/etc so really appreciate any help. Thank you!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fallhaven
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a schizophrenic's favorite Christmas song?

Do You Hear What I Hear?

πŸ‘︎ 922
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TaurusGuy813
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A darker one my 10 year old dropped on me... (possibly triggering)

She could see I was stressed out with work and she and I have a very dark sense of humour.

Hey Dad, you ok?

Yeah li'l beat just over worker and tired and stressed about the holidays.

"hey dad, lots of men struggle with mental health don't worry about it too much, Robin Williams and Kurt Cobain daughters turned out just fine."

πŸ‘︎ 329
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rogalporn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If you get released from a mental institutional, and then get committed again-

is that re-psychoing?

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guavacadus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
If mental hospitals had walking trails they would be called?

Psychopaths

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harshamfk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bear with a mental disorder?

A bi-polar bear

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/halloom1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
i guess the crowd wasn't orderly orderly orderly though
πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ggeerrtt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A year ago, I got a subscription to a magazine for mentally ill people.

Now I have many issues.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CommanderKooKoo6
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.

If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does Phil Collins record his music?

In his stu-stu-studio

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
[At the therapist] Hulk Hogan: I struggled through a lot of mental issues during my career.

Therapist: So you could say.. you had to wrestle mania?

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My English skills and mental health need improvement, but my math skills are fine.

Me grammar sucks and i is imaginary.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bdiscer
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
2 crazy men were trying to escape from a mental facility...

but the only way out was from the roof. They got up there, before realizing they didn’t have any rope. One guy says, β€œOh yeah! I’ve got a flashlight! Ill point it to the ground and you can climb down the beam.” The other guy says, β€œWhat, am I crazy? I’d get half way down and you’d turn it off!”

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carasius
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the quickest way to get to the mental asylum?

Just go around the bend.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elleden
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother and I laugh at how competitive we were as kids.

But I laugh more.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Shush I'm watching the comedian

Oh wait i mean the president

Creds to my dad for that joke

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the overworked pastry chef?

He suffered a mental bake-down

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
So i visited a neurologic clinic that, between other mental illness, treats Alzheimer patients. This was their main lobby's painting.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XurroMaster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Can you help me come up with some jokes for a mental health workshop?

I have to give a workshop on anxiety and depression today and I would like to have some jokes locked in to defuse the tension if needed. I usually don't have much trouble to come up with dad jokes on the go, but it would be nice to have some in the back burner. Thanks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/versung
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Mentally stable...
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Postyoumustnot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I was trying to get help for my mental health issues, but the guy helping me turned out to be completely crazy

He was a psycho therapist

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DutchBlob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried dating a woman in a mental institution...

Unfortunately it didn't work out because I wasn't committed. :(

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sir_bastard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A Buddhist monk leave the monastery...

Dissatisfied with the style of life that he found there, The Monk decides to move into a suburban neighborhood and start up his own line of work. Being trained in the peaceful ways he gets on very well with his neighbours who eventually notice that he has a very strange profession. Despite being very strong and very philosophical The Monk elects to repeatedly visit places with broken fences and remove and replace them.

One day has neighbour approaches him and asks, "with the physical strength and mental capacity that you seem to have, are you not interested in a more physically or mentally challenging job?"

To which The Monk replies, "but everybody knows reposting gives you the most karma."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Thank you

This isn't a dad joke. This is a thank you to everyone on this subreddit. 6 weeks ago the love of my life broke things off with me due to factors attributed to my mental health (which i didn't tell her about because she is struggling with uni and i didn't want her to worry) and I've been having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with it. She's falling for another guy while I've been self destructing to the point where she never wants to talk to me again. But i found this subreddit today, the jokes are so stupid and funny that for the first time since before the breakup, I've laughed and it was genuine. Thank you so much for your stupid jokes. You've saved my life as far as I'm concerned. I still have a long way to to, but this subreddit is definitely going to get me through it. Thank you πŸ’–

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xcixjames
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
[request] Puns about drinks that can be related to mental health disorders/moods

Example: Depresso, Anxietea

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keat123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I have a problem with remembering mental notes, so I came up with a solution.

If only I could remember what it was....

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrammerTheGamer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is mental math the best math?

Because it's the thought that counts

πŸ‘︎ 317
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_iz_smrt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2017
🚨︎ report
I took a tour of a mental institution the other day

It was insane

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?

The p is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LorenaBobbedIt
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the scrotum sent to a mental hospital?

It was a nutcase

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gentlewoolfy
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you restrain a mentally ill country singer?

Use a George Strait jacket.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
mental health

A guy walks into a psychiatrists office dressed only in plastic wrap. The psychiatrist takes one look at him and says "Well, I can see your nuts."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boop108
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TPWPY
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
If mental institutions started making hiking trails

We could call them β€œpsychopaths”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamflexx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
If you are an outrageous lunatic, a mental institute is where you should get in! Oops, meant to say cret in.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/losmi443214
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Mental note

Actual notes work better

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BLAZEtms
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Irish man with chronic mental health issues who manages to keep bouncing back?..

Rick O'Shea

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaymonDGYC
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a problem where i keep forgetting mental notes, so i came up with a solution.

If only I could remember what it was...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrammerTheGamer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible!” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie...” he says. β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus!" exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
🚨︎ report

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