C, E-flat and G walk in to a bar.

The bartenders says sorry we don't allow minors in here

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a mouse with an elephant?

A very flat mouse.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
How is music like ice skating?

If you don’t C-sharp, you’ll be B-flat

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the tire tell his joke?

Because it was flat

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Y'know, without tires,

my life would be flat.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clukurduk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
USPS Questions

Should tortillas be sent flat rate? Is armor headgear sent over knight? Is an addicts mail tracked? Is mail to Gold's gym sent bulk rate? Should mail to a school's kindergarten be sent 1st class? Should the IRS send return receipts? just wondering...

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bolt470
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Musicians say if the world isn't round

It would B flat.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PieShape_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks in to his job interview

The interviewer waits for the man to sit down before putting the papers in his hand flat on the table between them. "I have here the CV you submitted when you applied for this job. Unfortunately there's a 4 year gap on your CV, can you explain that please?"

The man shuffles uncomfortably in his seat and says "those are the years I went to Yale..."

The interviewer, not expecting this, was taken by surprise and said: "wow that's very impressive! You're hired!"

The man, surprised himself, replies: thanks! I really need this yob!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beardybrownie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I come from a musical house

I live in a flat

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bibimoebaba
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What sound did the piano make when it was thrown off the barracks roof?

A flat major.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DantheMan350V2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What are the two main ingredients in Viagra?

Miracle grow and fix a flat

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DANGEL_DANGEL
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My son wrote s symphony about not caring if your car's tire has no air...

It's written in the key of B flat.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
So My my freind ask me if I wanted to get some punch

So we got some punch and left. This joke kinda fell flat since their wasn't even a punchline to begin with.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A bank was offering loan without interest.

I flat out refused. Why would I take money from someone who has no interest?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat miner

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/enggeek
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad if cigarettes get stale.

He said: "No, but if you sit on them they go flat."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacob7574
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why would "C" make such a good knife?

Because it would "B-Sharp"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gavinwride
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.

It's in A flat minor.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPeteO
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm starting to believe this 'flat earth' thing...

... every photo I've seen of the earth is flat!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fhogrefe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Trucker's Breakfast

A trucker came intoΒ  a Truck Stop CafΓ© and placed his order with the waitress. He said "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said.Β  "'three flat tires' mean three pancakes; 'a pair of headlights' are two eggs sunny side up; and 'a pair of running boards' are 2 slices of crisp bacon!"

"Oh.. OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrBobShelton_74
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a croissant with no ass?

A flat bread.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xydrogen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I just watched a Movie about a y= x graph!

The plot was a bit predictable

And a little flat!

Had good Special f(x) though

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm unobservant, and I keep bumping into things, so I made a note of it.

Bβ™―

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Feet2Big
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2016
🚨︎ report
I'm technically an uncle, but my niece laughed so...

Did you hear about the Cockatiel that was trying to find a new home for his family? He zipped back and forth everywhere, but couldn't find a good spot anywhere. Then he came across a bear, sleeping flat of his back with his mouth wide open. Not recognizing what it was, he thought the bear's mouth would be the perfect spot for a nest. He gathered his family and they all got to work building a new home for themselves, but then the bear woke up. Realizing what was going on, he politely informed them that he couldn't let them nest in his mouth. He hated to do it, but it was quite the bird den to bear.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shatari
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Turns out there’s a group of people who believe the earth is just a rented apartment from galactic British overlords

damn flat earthers

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lurebat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What note do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft.

A flat miner

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What sound does a piano make falling down a mineshaft?

A flat miner.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I pack a soda in my bag everyday but it HAS to be on top.

Wouldn’t want it to get flat.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cris0613
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Cardboard cut out puns

Fathers day dinner tonight for my dad and my sister and family can't be there because of travel restrictions. I've organised life size cardboard cut outs of them and had my sister record a few dad jokes/puns. But I need help coming up with more ... the best, worst and cringiest are all welcome!

So far I have..
"I'm feeling a little flat"

"I'm board ... cardboard"

"You'd think my ears are painted on, You'll have to speak up"

"Can you believe someone told me I had the personality of cardboard"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeishaJane
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My nan died in a freak bulldozer accident during the building of my new house.

I only wanted one granny flat :(

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ijbgtrdzaq
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My car got a flat while I was driving today...

It was a treadful, deflating experience which left me feeling flat and tired.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you hear when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor

πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HolyMackerel14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My jokes about dropping pancakes never get a laugh.

They keep falling flat.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RAClef
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the tire a bad singer?

It was a little flat

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/montero65
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Experts warn that all this social distancing is causing a lot of stress, anxiety, and depression.

The Flat Earth Society is especially worried. They think their members might be driven over the edge.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My sexual partner got run over by a road roller

Now she’s my flat-mate.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I came up with a joke about accidental notes.

I thought it was really sharp, but I told my friends, and it just fell flat.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sammiedontsurf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
You know why the poor man couldn't play a walking bassline?

Because his flat is too small, and so there's no space for it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LapinusTech
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
C, E-flat and G walk into a bar.

The bartender shows them the door and says, β€œsorry we don’t serve minors.”

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/foxforbox
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you get when a piano falls down a mineshaft?

A flat miner

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiny_spring
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat minor

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theflashsawyer23
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What chord does a piano make when it falls down a mine shaft?

A flat miner

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What chord do you hear when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Victoroftheapes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Patfan74
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat miner

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustFapped69Times
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Waddya get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A Flat Minor.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fred8Ross
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report

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