What do Egyptian bus drivers buy when they crash?

ANUBUS

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πŸ‘€︎ u/obenssonosias
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.

Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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Bus Driver

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts,which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'. 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?' The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, β€œUgh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

The woman storms off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, β€œThe driver just insulted me!” The man says, β€œYou go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Detroiter_1017
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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Did you know they made a video game about the Simpsons’ bus driver stealing a thousand bucks?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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I'm a bus driver who's a part-time magician and my most popular trick is when I slam on the breaks

People fall over for it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ninthpower
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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Insulting bus driver.

A woman got on a bus, holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind." "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sasquatchit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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Someone just asked the bus driver "Hey do you go by the High School?"

He said "No I go by Dave"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TenFlyingBricks
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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Bus driver dad joked the entire bus.

I was on a bus route headed to Target to pick up some groceries. I was in a hurry so I had opted for the express route. The bus picks up on the part of my college campus where the streets are named after the great lakes. We pass Erie and Ontario, and the bus driver comes over the intercom and says:

"This bus will be express from Huron out."

Everybody groans, the driver has a good chuckle, and I begin laughing like a maniac.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LurchPuppy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2014
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I had to quit my job as a bus driver due to paranoia

Everyone was talking behind my back

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2017
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The driver told me to get off the bus or he would call the police.

After it took me a good minute to climb up there in the first place too.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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Why do zombies make great bus drivers?

They're always dead on time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2017
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My bus driver is probably a dad.

Woman: does this bus stop at "Muiden"? Bus driver: yes, but only if you press the button.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fireflaai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2015
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Bus drivers keep increasing the rate on a local route

I guess they're taking me for a ride

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scott003
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2016
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Bus driver Dad joke

The bus pulled up and had a bit of tree stuck in the door, so I took it out, as I got on the driver looks up and says "oh i'm just branching out"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thesolly180
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2014
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From my bus driver: What did one casket say to the other at the funeral?

Is that you coffin?

The first one was for when I got on board. Here's the one from when I was getting off the bus: What did one strawberry say to the other? If you weren't so sweet we wouldn't be in this jam!

He's a fantastic bus driver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RustyRook
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
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Bus driver told a dadjoke this morning.

As we pulled out of the bus loop: "We're off! And we have no idea where we're going or how to get there. But we're making very good time."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/agoatforavillage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2013
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Bus driver dadjoked me yesterday

-What bus is this? (had no number visible obviously)

  • A small green one.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/queenMargo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2014
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My bus driver is a dad

"Sir. It must have been a rough time this morning after all that raging you did last night for halloween. How did you get up today?" "With my feet"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/USCgamecocks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2013
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: β€œThat's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen

Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: β€œThe driver just insulted me!”

The man says: β€œYou go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grace832
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
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