Brief Puns

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

I replied, "Depends."

Because she was a shooting star.

Grandpa: Depends ...

..does that mean he's samuraizing?

I guess you could say that the "Joker" without an R is just a joke.

Well, Depends.

Bro: A bike's the only thing you can drive without a license.

Dad: That's not true. What about a hard bargain?

Depends.

During the early days of Catholicism there was a huge uproar about the pocket watches that the elite class started carrying to tell time.

The conservative religious leadership at the time determined it to be heresy.

They rounded up anyone wearing watches made by the prominent inventors and burned them and their heretical time pieces.

They were considered some of the most beautiful watches ever made by man but now it is believed that none exist. Although, many historians and collectors still look for them.

Some people just want a watch the world burned.

"Narnia business."

He says, that’s not possible they’re underwear

I responded, "Sorry ma'am, I only wear boxers."

after a long sigh "Very well sir.. have a good day."

1. Harass son
2. Fjord

It's "the."

Curt Russel

A Retiree's Last Trip to Sam's Club

Yesterday I was at Sam's Club, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen , the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two handfuls every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care,because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

To support the troops.

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

Well in a nutshell, it is an Oak tree.

In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.

Depends

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

In a nut shell, it's an oak tree.

In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree

Depends

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

Depends.

Depends...