My son pulled the pump cap off the shampoo bottle and threw it on the floor...

He told me he deCAPitated it.

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📅︎ Aug 02 2017
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Poor little bunny

A doctor is driving home one night along a lonely road when a rabbit suddenly bolted in front of his car. The doctor swerved and tried his best to stop, but it wasn't possible and the car hit the bunny.

He immediately pulled the car to the side of the road and got out to see if he could help the poor bunny. It didn't look good. He raced back to the car to retrieve his bag, but realized almost instantly that he was driving his wife's car and so his bag wouldn't be there.

He frantically rooted through the glovebox, trying to find gauze or water - anything that could be useful. He found a bottle of what he expected was water and brought it back to where the bunny was laying. With great care, he poured a cap full and let the bunny drink.

To the doctor's amazement, the rabbit sprang back to life - jumping up on his hind legs and wiggling his tail. He smiled at the doctor and waved as he began to prance back toward the woods. He hopped a couple of feet, paused, turned and waved again. Hopped another few feet, turned and waved yet again. He reached the edge of the trees and again, he turned and waved at the doctor.

Stunned, the doctor brought the bottle up to the light to see what magic potion he had discovered. Squinting his eyes, he read the label aloud, "Hair restorer with permanent wave".

👍︎ 9
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📅︎ May 12 2020
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There's a few crows that hang out near near my house and ...

I've been throwing out some popcorn and sometimes bread crumbs instead of composting it. They like it. And I like them. They'll CAW at me sometimes when I get in the car.

I've heard that Crows....when they like you...they'll leave little gifts for you on your door step. Shining things, like bits of foil, bottle caps, buttons...etc.

And while it's not explicitly stated...they do expect something in return.

It's Quid Pro Crow.

👍︎ 9
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📅︎ Nov 19 2019
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What kind of hats do beers wear?

Bottle caps

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📅︎ Jun 07 2019
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I got my wife tonight

Me: Have you seen the cap to the green bottle? Her: Off the top of my head.... Me: No, the cap off of the bottle....

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👤︎ u/WookieOH
📅︎ May 17 2015
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I got plenty of groans at a party I went to last night with this dadjoke.

I walked around, picking up discarded bottle caps and put them on peoples knees and would just look at them and say "...Knee Cap."

And walk away.

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📅︎ Oct 13 2013
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