That Bootie Tho
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zigzago
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2017
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If you give a pirate a fat booty and a full chest, what does he have?

An Arrrrgasm

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PuntasTeec
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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A dead end
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcnigel73
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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How can you tell if a booty is operational?

It twerks

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jodandinero
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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I accidentally butt dialed my ex last night.

I swear it’s the only booty call I’ve ever made.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EliteCombatWombat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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I'm not sure why pirates are so interested in this...

CCCCCCC

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xR3NEG4DE
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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What does a pirate do when he wants to sell all his stuff?

He has a Yarr! sale

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sizzlingmaniac69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Booty and the Beast
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ochipapo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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Booty call (?)
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/princesstico
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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How do you know pirates prefer voluptuous women?

They’re always hollering β€œa vast bootie!!!”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/G200Sleepr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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That booty’s on Fire

I guess you could say its arson

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πŸ‘€︎ u/decoolegastdotzip
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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Booty is...

...in the eye of the butt holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scottymcss
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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What did one butt say to the other butt?

You’re booty-ful!

Thanks to my 9-year old daughter for that one!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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The girl with the big booty and a lisp wasn’t at work

She must have called in thick

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacktheskier13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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Why do pirate ships go so fast?

Because they’re hauling booty

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreedomDirty5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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What’s a ghost’s least favourite room in the house?

The living room!

My 9-yr old son just told me this out of nowhere whilst I was cooking, and I couldn’t be more proud of him!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gallifreyfalls55
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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Why did the pirate put pants on his treasure?

To hide his booty!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyberOGa3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Why did the pirate get in his ship and leave immediately when he got a phone call?

Because booty calls

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/actualcovfefebean
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Close to a booty call
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pablothe_Plumber
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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What's a pirate's greatest fear on the first date?

A sunken chest with no booty.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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What do you call a ship captain with a big booty?

"Thicc" with seven C's.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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Pirates are essential for every party...

Because they always bring doubloons!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jolly2284
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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I gave my number to a pirate once.

I'm getting sick of all the booty calls

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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Pirates of yore would get a treasure chest off a looted vessel and often hear voices coming from the chest saying "yoo hoo!"

It was the booty calls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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When you butt dial someone are you making a booty call?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoakZ_SlasH
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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Dad: Son, what be a pirate's favorite restaurant? Son: Arrrrby's! Dad: Correct! And what be a pirate's favorite animal? Son: Arrrrmadillo! Dad: Right again! But what be a pirate's favorite body part? Son: Easy. The arrrrrm!

Dad: You'd think it would be the arrrrm, but he's rather fond of the booty!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wileydan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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listen...

booty is a nice ass word.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themegamuffinman
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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I asked my wife for a booty call

Loudest fart I ever heard

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Enrapha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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What is it called when someone farts while walking ahead of someone else?

A booty trap.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theimpaler1208
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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I thought I got a booty call, but it turned out to be a butt dial
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lawpoop
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
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I took my cat to a pet show and it won the prize for best booty

It was a catastrophe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/myth-ran-dire
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2016
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I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games...

I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2017
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My wife complains that I never buy her flowers.

I didn't know she sold any!

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Laughingboy14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2017
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A pirate keeps his treasure in his pants

That's what holds his booty

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gitrikt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye matey

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crazylegs_Ohooley
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
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If Pete Buttigieg wins the election, he'll be the first person to move from the judicial branch to the executive.

(Booty Judge)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/powermad47
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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Want to hear a ghost joke?

I'm sure it'll raise your spirits

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/floofysox
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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There's these 2 newborns in the nursery and

1 baby looks over at the other and says, "I'm a little boy, how about you?" The other baby says, "A boy? How do you know?" The first baby whips back his blankey, points down, and says, "See! Blue booties!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blscamacho15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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Have you heard about the new pirate movie?

It’s rated AARRRRGH because of all the booty!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tasulli721
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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What's a pirates favorite form of treasure?

A tiYARRa. πŸ‘‘

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesubordinate
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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The butt pirate... He stole my booty.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Critty626
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2013
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Pirates found a trove of treasure and brought four chests aboard...

They put them in the hold and, as it was fair weather, didn't strap them down.

However, as they sailed on, they hit a storm, the ship knocked back and forth.

The captain went down to check on the treasure to find it sliding around the deck.

As a crewman asked how bad it was, the captain replied...

"Booty! Booty! Booty! Booty! Rocking everywhere!"

[This is probably my worst joke yet]

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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If a large bird were shaking its big ghetto booty in your face, would you call it...

A twerkey?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bruce656
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2015
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Call that person you really like at 2 in the morning...

You hope they don't answer, you can even hang up after 1 ring.

They text you the next morning 'what's up?'

You text 'Oh, I didn't realize I called you, must have been a butt dial.'

You text 'I guess you didn't answer huh?'

You text 'You must have known.... it was a booty call.'

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dontinquire
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
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If you give a pirate a fat booty and a full chest, what does he have?

An Arrrgasm!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PuntasTeec
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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I heard the receptionist with the big booty and lisp wasn't at work

She must have called in thicc

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robotfart1211
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
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What is a pirate's worst nightmare?

A sunken chest and no booty.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anaxtogrind
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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