Pinocchio says, “I would, but I’m afraid of getting fired”.
5 minutes later to my friend "hey remember when there was no fire here" "Yeah" "Those were some pretty dark times"
Trust me, it's a shore fire way to get attention
Came up during a conversation about having a bonfire
Dad "Here's something you might not have known about me, I can cut wood by just looking at it"
Me, fully expecting a dad joke: "I don't believe you but would you care to elaborate"
Dad: "Its true! I saw it with my own eyes"
He giggled to himself for about 10 minutes after that one.
Scene: Mum, Dad, and I, at party/bonfire thing, sitting outside in a gazebo, attempting to enjoy the relaxing night. Wind is making things rather chilly.
Mum (wrapped in blanket): "It would be rather nice if it wasn't so cold." *sighs* "This wind sucks."
Dad and I, simultaneously: "No, it blows." *high-five*
I was at a grad party with my Dad. We were standing around a a bonfire with a few other people, when a kid brought a very large stick to put in the fire. It was obviously too large to put in the fire so my dad took it. He was in the process of breaking it when some one joked that this was a job for a banker. In which my dad responded with, "You know what, before my current position I used to be a branch manager"
My friend had a truck on his lawn full of firewood for the bonfire planned for later in the party. This guy who just arrived walks into the kitchen and says, "Hey, you know you've got a truck growing outta your lawn?" My friend replies, "Yeah, I planted a couple GMC emblems and it just sprouted up!" The guy, without a moment's hesitation says. "Damn, that's a real bumper crop!" Everyone in the kitchen died laughing and the guy, who didn't really know anyone there, instantly became the centre of the party.
We were visiting relatives in Canada last summer, including my Dad's brother (so, my Uncle) and his son Brandon. We were around the bonfire one night and Brandon was carving something for his girlfriend Emerald out of spare wood (it actually looked pretty cool). My Dad and Uncle saw the thing, it had a heart that said "B+E" in the middle. Uncle: "What's that supposed to mean, 'break and enter?'" Dad: "Probably 'Bert and Ernie'." Then they laughed like crazy. They joke around like that all the time when they get together, it's pretty hilarious.
My university recently won a championship. Undergrads make over sized wooden benches which they will burn in a giant bonfire after winning the championship. Boss: I have always wondered what those benches are for, they really burn them? Coworker: Yes, well they sit on them too. Me: Do they die?!?
A barrage of groans, chuckles, face palms, and eye rolls ensued.
