Why don’t blueberries want to be planted next to the corn?

Because the corn was a stalker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hollywoodhank
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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A Blueberry asked a strawberry to fuck off

That was berry rude of him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geraldoopedreiro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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I was eating Blueberry Wheats cereal when I asked my daughter "What is a ghost's favourite cereal?"

She rolled her eyes and said "Booberry Wheats, obviously"

I said "No, it's..." and then in a super spooky ghost voice "... WeeeeEEEEeeeetabix"

She laughed so hard she choked on her food.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/overkill
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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In Cuba, blueberry pie costs $5. In the Bahamas, apple pie costs $6. In Haiti, peach pie costs $4.

These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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Blueberry bushes are one of the least productive plants.

All their effort bears little fruit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/celbruk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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What did the magician say to the blueberry?

β€œI’ll disappear before your berry eyes!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattBatz1991
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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If i drink blueberry juice, i'll have bluetooth?

_(..)/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterMaster____
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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I’m not a dad, but I laughed in the 15 acre blueberry field that’s opened to the public.

Some little girl to my left - β€œDad!! Where are you?”

Dad- β€œOver here by this blueberry bush!”

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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Why blueberries don't embrace Western values?

Because they are antioxidant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dekadense
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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In Jamaica they sell apple pie for $2.50, chicken pot pie for $3.50 and pecan for $4.00 Puerto Rico they sell Boston cream pie for $4.00, chocolate cream pie for $3.00 and blueberry pie for 3.50. In the Dominican they sell chicken pot pie for $4.00, apple pie $3.50, and blueberry for $5.00.

And those my friends are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whoathunderroad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2018
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Why was the blueberry scared of the raisin?

The raisin was previously known for grape

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frozesty-ZombieYT
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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What did the grape say to the blueberry?

You better breath before you die!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
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My daughter covered her blueberries with her yogurt this morning...

...I told her that she would be looking for berried treasure!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CAdamH
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2017
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Why was the strawberry sad?

Her mom was in a jam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vibemecha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need...

... to let that mango.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Khyta
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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Thats berry nice
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dalegendari
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/22i23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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Goofy dadjokes Mickey

http://i.imgur.com/bYNBvEK.jpg

Saw this on /r/funny figured you guys might like it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oreo_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
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A handful of short Thanksgiving Jokes I put together that are worthy for any dad to repeat this upcoming holiday.

Why did the police arrest the turkey? > They suspected fowl play.

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost? > A poultrygeist!

Why did the turkey cross the road twice? > To prove he wasn’t a chicken!

What key won’t open any door? > A turkey!

If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? > Goblet.

Fruit comes from a fruit tree, so where does turkey come from? > A poul-tree.

What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad? >They turn into blueberries.

What kind of cars would pilgrims drive today? > Plymouth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taylordprints
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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NEW!! Celebrity Fun in the Pun candle line!

Chris Pine - Pine scented

Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented

Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented

Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented

JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented

Miley Cypress - Cypress scented

Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented

Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented

Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented

Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented

Bread Pitt - Bread scented

Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented

Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented

Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented

Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented

Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented

Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented

Banana Montana - Banana scented

Orange Winfrey - Orange scented

Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented

Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented

Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup o’ joe scented

Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented

Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented

Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented

Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented

Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented

Halle Berry - Mixed scented

Demi Tomato - Tomato scented

Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented

Mandy S’more - S’mores scented

Mackerel-more - Fish scented

Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented

WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented

Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented

John Lemon - Lemon scented

Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented

Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented

Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented

Adille - Dill scented

Kevin Spicy - Taco scented

Channing Potatum - Potato scented

Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented

Danny Burrito - Burrito scented

Michaelanjello - Red jello scented

Harry Panini - Panini scented

Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented

Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented

Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented

Mike Fryson - French fry scented

Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented

Raisin Williams - Raisin scented

Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented

Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented

Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented

Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented

Malt Whitman - Malt scented

(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the β€œI wonder what Chris Pine smells like?” joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. I’m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minnara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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Why do elephants wear blue shoes?

"Why?"

"To hide in blueberry bushes!"

"(any response)"

"What, have you never seen an elephant in a blueberry bush?"

"(any response)"

"Works pretty well, doesn't it!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TatsumakiRonyk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
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Hey dad, it's a strawberry tree!

The kids need shoes so we all get dragged to the store. The Christmas trees (already! for crying ou...) in the kids section has got "homemade" ornaments like these.

http://imgur.com/a/CTEuA

My oldest comes up to me and says "Hey daddy, it's a strawberry tree." and I'm like "Strawberry? come on, a blueberry tree at least." and then he goes "No, a STRAWberry, geddit, STRAWberry."

Yes, son. Wipes tear Yes I do geddit.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketplex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2016
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I spoiled my dad's original dad joke so I think he had to improvise

My dad: "We have a guy at work whose name is Barry Blue. Guess what we call him?"

Me: "I don't know. Blueberry?"

My dad: "..no.. We call him Barry. Why would we call him Blueberry? He might get mad".

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chornu
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2015
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Couldn't pass up a dadjoke opportunity at my own birthday dinner

Out for dinner at a nice restaurant with wife and two teenage kids, we all order dessert, wife got blueberry creme brulee, I got baked alaska with rum flambe. Waitstaff knew it was my birthday so they put a candle on my baked alaska. Problem was, the rum flambe melted the candle. It was pretty funny, so wife took pics with her iPhone. As she was reviewing her pics, she dropped her phone in her creme brulee. I said, "I thought you ordered blueberry creme brulee, not Apple creme brulee..."

That was when I got the best birthday present: three hearty groans from the whole family.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlmostDisjoint
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
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Got my coworkers this morning

We work in produce, and we were setting up the store before we opened in the wee hours of the morning.

One of my coworkers was complaining how the new containers our blueberries come in don't really fit into the table anymore (they're about 1/2 inch wider than the old ones and its a pain to stack them without leaving any gaps)

I said "yea I was experimenting with making that work yesterday but I couldn't get it to, I guess there are too many berryables"

They all groaned but I thought it was brilliant. Sorry in advance for typos/formatting. I'm on mobile

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Something_Syck
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2015
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Well... He's not wrong?

Me: You want a blueberry smoothie?

Dad: I think it'd be more of a blueberry lumpy.

Me: shakes head

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lovelyzombie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2014
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What would you like for dessert?

Would you like strawberry shortcake or blueberry pie with ice cream?

(Either answer)

Yeah, that sounds good to me too. Too bad we don't have any!

*my Grandpa (rip) to my dad repeatedly, now my dad to me regularly

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Richard_Punch
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2014
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What do you call a really sad strawberry?

A blueberry

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kimreewillis
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2016
🚨︎ report

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