What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet?
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︎ Dec 22 2020
Why was the man bitter?
Because his pH was greater than 7.
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︎ Jan 25 2020
He espressoβd himself well in the last part. Not bitter at all!
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︎ May 07 2019
Bitter coffee
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︎ Jul 10 2017
I always used to mistype the word 'bitter'.
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︎ Jul 06 2019
My dad came up to me and said, βyour mom and I have been married for so long, we are on our 4th bottle of bittersβ
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︎ Apr 03 2019
I'm pretty bitter about having nothing to cut my wood with
You could say I'm a saw loser.
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︎ Apr 06 2016
I ordered an Italian salad, and it didn't even have any of that bitter, red, cabbage-like stuff...
How utterly radicchio-less.
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︎ May 15 2018
Why is bok choy bitter?
Because baby bok choy gets all the attention.
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︎ Mar 22 2019
Spring is acting like a bitter ex-wife.
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︎ Mar 26 2018
A string goes into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve strings here, mate". String goes out, loops itself and frazzles the bitter end. Goes back in the bar and the bartender says "Aren't you that string from a few minutes ago?"
Which came the reply "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
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︎ Jun 27 2018
So, I hear that Maybelline and Loreal are bitter enemies.
I really hope they "make-up."
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︎ May 29 2018
I was brewing my first batch of beer with a friend and he told me to add the seed cones that are used primarily as a bittering, flavoring, and stability agents.
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︎ May 05 2020
Did you hear about the angry pancake?
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︎ Nov 10 2020
Just went in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask.
I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"
She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."
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︎ Mar 05 2020
My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was a piece of cake.
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︎ Jan 30 2020
A recipe for a good relationship
My wife and daughter are working on improving the meringue cookie recipe they are using.
I asked if the batter was better and my wife said yes.
So I asked if it had enough sugar or if it was a bitter better batter.
The look on her face was priceless!
I reminded her that she knew my sense of humor before she married me and went through with it anyway.
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︎ Nov 30 2020
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me
What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea.
Hehe
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︎ Dec 04 2020
Almost got arrested for pouring myself a coffee this morning.
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︎ May 24 2020
My wife is really mad that I donβt have a sense of direction
So I packed up my stuff and right!
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︎ Feb 22 2020
What does Lela_chan have in common with coffee?
We're both bitter and drunk in the mornings.
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︎ Sep 01 2020
What do you call a depressed vegetable
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︎ Oct 25 2019
I like my women like I like my coffee
Iβve never had coffee but it smells nice.
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︎ Jun 01 2018
Arguments are like Beers
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︎ May 19 2020
I like my coffee like I like my women
Fast to wake me up when thereβs donuts!
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︎ Nov 20 2019
I like German sausage, but its puns are the wurst.
Don't be bitter about dank puns. Danke. Bitte.
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︎ Jan 05 2020
Pulled some culinary joke on my Girlfriend.
We were making pancake mix and it was a little thick, so I was pouring milk and stirring to get a better consistency. Once I got a good mix she said
"That's better"
I look up and say
"No, that's batter"
She hit me.
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︎ Aug 12 2016
I crashed my bike into a lemon tree last week
It's left me feeling bitter and twisted
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︎ Apr 14 2020
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
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︎ Mar 24 2019
You're a lot like an IPA
You're bitter, but I like you.
(credit to my coworker who is a walking, talking dad joke)
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︎ Oct 18 2019
It's 2:00am on January 1st where I live.
I haven't slept since last year and I'm EXHAUSTED!
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︎ Dec 31 2014
What happened when the beer got divorced?
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︎ Aug 13 2019
This happened at a recent Easter party at my wifeβs colleagueβs house:
It was a party mostly with parents and their children.
A kid (about 5 years old) stubbed his toe and started crying.
One of the dads said, βOh, you stubbed your toe? Want to to call the toe truck?β
I know itβs not fresh, but I laughed my ass off and was slightly bitter that I didnβt think of it.
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︎ Apr 23 2019
My dad gave us this
My folks came up to visit. My mom flubbed the coffee, putting the grounds in the water chamber and she had to disassemble it and clean it before making coffee. Once we had piping hot cups all around my dad chimes in with this:
"You know, messing up the coffee is grounds for divorce."
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︎ Apr 15 2014
Whatβs the emotion called when a vampire has a deep feeling or anxiety about biting someone?
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︎ Aug 13 2018
Man walks into a bar...
Says to the landlord "A pint of bitter please". Gets his beer & says "I shouldn't be having this with wot I've got".
Landlord says "wots that then?"
Man says "15p"!
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︎ Jun 30 2019
I used to wage footsie wars
But I donβt like the bitter taste of de-feet
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︎ Jun 20 2019
Old Fashioned
Some might call it old fashioned but I enjoy my bourbon with a dash of bitters and a sugar cube
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︎ Dec 31 2015
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
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︎ Jan 29 2017
What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet?
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︎ Jul 01 2020
I like my coffee like I like my women...
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︎ Jul 06 2018
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