I told her she is my favorite ding-dong.
Buh dum tiss
He had experience in molecular Gastonomy.
She's into Beastiality
I asked my daughter "can you make me a bowl of the camo ice cream? It's in the freezer, but you might have trouble finding it.."
She called me cringe-worthy.
Because their horns don't work.
It fell on deaf ears.
But it was just my cold field.
And the doctor said, "You look normal to me".
Dunnnnggggg
Itβs also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.
In his practice, Dr. Bell sometimes had to treat constipation. That's how he learned to de-deuce.
Why couldn't they ring the jinge bells this holiday season?
There was noel
He tolled everyone off
It wasn't all that it was cracked up to be
Good Tie-dings to all men!
He was later awarded the Nobel prize
Lord Of The Dings
Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.
The no-bell prize
Itβs my jingle bell rock.
And they interviewed an applicant named Stan. Stan had no arms due to an accident so the hiring manager asked how he would ever be able to do the job.
"I'll show you",said Stan.
They walked up flight after flight of stairs to the Bell tower all the while the manager wondered how Stan would ever be able to do the job. His questions were soon answered when after reaching the Bell tower, Stan took off running striking the bell face first. Gooong goes the bell. Stan picks himself up, takes off running face first at the bell, Gooong.
"Hold, on. You'll hurt yourself."
"I'm tough," said Stan, " "and I really needed this job"
"Ok," said the manager, leaving Stan to do the job.
All day the bell rang on the hour correctly and the manager thought too soon that he had misjudged Stan. Finally, at six in the evening there were only three gongs, then a commotion. Going out to see what was going on he found Stan dead on the street below. Apparently he had become disoriented from head trauma and missed the bell entirely falling to the street below.
"Who was this man, Who was he?" asked the crowd.
Not wanting to admit liability for the accident, the manager said "I don't know."
"But his face sure rings a bell"
βOh, and what is this special talent?β Asked the priest.
The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.
At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!
βYouβre hired!!β He exclaimed.
The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.
The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.
A bystander asked βwho is he?β
The priest responded βI donβt know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!β
He won the no-bell prize!
I'm calling it The No-Bell Peace Prize.
Idc if you steal this I just thought of it while making lunch and I got another one of them.
A Bill-Ding!
βIsabellβ,he said
Because he conditions it.
So, I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner the other day. It was just gathering dust!
What kind of bagel can fly? A plane one!
I went to a graveyard the other day, it was really crowded. I figure people are dying to get in.
Didja hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the no-bell prize!
What do you call a pointless pachyderm? An Irrelepahnt!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!
Ever hear about the restaurant on the moon? No atmosphere at all.
And to end it all: "I bet if I gave you some thyme you could mustard a response to this complete a-salt on language, but for now we're just beefing around!"
She was eating watermelon, and she wanted to know how much it cost. (She's obsessed with prices lately.) I asked her how much she thought it cost, and she said, "I don't know, a melon dollars?"
Gaston; he's the winner of the No-Belle Prize
They donβt want to get the sheets!
He was later awarded the Nobel prize for his scientific achievements.
edit:OC
Against your will.
Because its horn doesn't ring.
Please post your best Beau (my bfs name) puns. Iβm making him a note jar for Valentineβs and Iβm short on puns. I already have Bodacious, Beautiful, and beaucoup (bookoo)
Post just a word or a short joke. Thanks guys!
Because their horns don't work. Β―_(γ)_/Β―
Because their horns don't work.
Because their horns don't work.
Because their horns donβt work.
Dung
Because their horns donβt work.
Should get a No-Bell prize. π π€£πβ.
Because their horns don't work.
Because their horns donβt work.
Because their horns don't work.
