I sniffled. My sock was on it's last leg.
I really hope he eats his words.
Vin's Shield: Vipers
She is infringing on my right to bear arms.
They’re just going against the grain
State-of-the-Ark technology
And all I can think is, “God please let it be panda”.
But he made do.
I asked him rather than his wolf hands ?
...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.
Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.
A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.
With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, “Thank you.”
As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...
“Thank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.”
Only the lettuce romaine.
I had an elderly patient today who was visibly upset, almost to the point of tears. I asked her if she was worried about having her blood drawn and she said that the blood draw didn’t bother her, but that she was upset because she had hit a cat with her car on the way to her appointment this morning. She said that she didn’t know who the cat belonged to and that she had it wrapped up in a blanket in her car. I asked her how badly the cat was hurt and she said “I think he’s going to be alright. I just clipped the hind end of him, but his tail is just barely hanging on. After I leave here, I’m taking him straight to Wal-Mart.”
I told her that she might be better off taking the cat to a veterinary clinic instead of Wal-Mart and she said, “but it’s just his tail, and Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in North America!”
She’s em-bare-assed on 2 levels
Because then it would be a little bare.
What do you call a person with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows?
I woke up exhausted!
He was soda pressing.
Edit: better (Hawaiian) punch line
But I’m just grasping at straws here.
It probably ran on Python
Credit: u/FriendofHolySpirit
Turns out I had barely scratched the Surface.
Maybe, I can barely see it from here.
They were all iCharts
It was a close shave
At our bowling league today one of the lanes we were bowling on stopped working. Someone said "It looks like lane 6 is dead". So I looked at my dad and brother and said "I guess we should notify its next of pin."
All I got were sighs...
It sounded paneful.
