When I tried to break the ice, it only made things worse.
My wife and I were doing a bit of roleplay in the bedroom. I had just handcuffed her to the bedhead when we heard one of the kids turning the door handle. I quickly threw the covers over the both of us and in walked my 7 year old son. He noticed the handcuffs, went really quiet and had this confused look on his face. After 15 seconds or so he asked my wife why she was handcuffed to the bed. She blushed and had to come up with a lie on the spot. She stammered out that daddy was just practicing with the handcuffs for his new job as a policeman and that my son should just go back into the lounge room and watch some TV.
A few weeks later I was asked to careers day at my son's school. My son stood up with me in front of the class and proudly announced his daddy was a policeman and that I lock up baddies. I didn't want to embarass him so I just played along. It turns out I was the one who was about to be embarassed. One of the kids asked if my son had ever seen me at work. My son said no but that he had seen me practicing using handcuffs on his mom. It went right over the kids heads but the teacher was very amused and couldn't stop giggling. I guess my wife and I would have been the hot topic in the staff room that day.
In Malaiseia
I’m not very good at small talk.
A main part of my body is called the nervous system
***Pew***berty, in other words.
But I always hearing the commentators saying "He needs to make this faux pas"
and don't get a reaction
She picked her nose.
It’s called the Diffi cult.
(Asking for a friend)
Because they can't break the ice.
...ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
talking with parents after a gathering
Mum: I feel bad for John, he's so antisocial.
Dad: Yeah, he's like an eternal flame!
Me: Eternal flame? What?
Dad: He never goes out!
Mum and I burst out laughing while dad grins proudly
Friend: watching TV show called Sunday "I wonder when Sunday ends."
Me: "11:59 I think."
Pin drop silence
Try using a comma, some times.
Fortunately, the restaurant was used to separate czechs
They don't like to meet
I replied, "It's the basic structural component of the universe..."
A faux pa
Asking for a friend...
They have a certain... je ne faux pas.
He said, "I don't know, dad, I'm only three!"
...but I hear he handled it well.
The other day my girlfriend and I went out for lunch. The waitress came around to collect our empty plates, and asked if we had saved room for dessert. My girlfriend's reply was, "No, thank you, I'm stuffed."
The waitress said, apparently believing it was under her breath and inaudible, a squeaky, drawn-out, "Hiiiiii stuffffed ...." then walked away with our plates, and wearing a blank expression.
The first time we met my brother's gf (now wife) she was talking about how many natural disasters there is in USA (brother's gf from Boston, we are from Denmark) and we have almost none here
and he continues the topic
Dad: "well... The only natural disaster in Denmark is 'mom' in a bathing suit.."
We laughed so hard (even 'mom') except the gf, she begins to cry and claims that danes are monsters.. Then he'd explain that this is the humor of Denmark, and she understood. Now she even makes this kind of jokes
We were talking about our cluttered houses and my Grandma said
"When Grandpa and I are dead and gone, feel free to get a dumpster."
And my Dad responds "Wouldn't caskets be more appropriate?"
Edit: formatting
I was showing my dad my new apartment via skype the other day. When I gave him a view of my room he comments, "Ahh look at that new work bench."
Random person: Hi there, you alright?
Dad: No. I'm all left! HAHAHAHAHA
Random person: ...
me: facepalm
I was purchasing a Square and level, an older man comes up to me and says "Don't worry I think you're innocent............. because you're obviously framed." I had to think for a while and he explained it was funny because of the tools I had in my hand.
Dad: "Son, if I wasn't a motherfucker, you wouldn't be around."
My mom was also in the room and was at a loss for words.
My dad and myself were kinda messing around punching each other and stuff.
Dad: You really think you could take me?
Me: I could blow your mind.
(Without hesitation)
Dad: (acts like he's hitting me in the groin) I'd blow your balls!
He jokes around all the time.. If I am around him for more than a few hours he is going to say something trying to joke like this.. usually making himself look like an idiot for the rest of the day.
He couldn’t break the ice.
