I was recently banned from the Antiques Roadshow.

...I tried to have my family jewels appraised.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/imnotwitty
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I have an antique globe that belonged to my great-great-grandfather.

It meant the world to him.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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Driving past an antique store with my dad and he drops this gem...

β€œWhy do aunts get all the glory? What about uncle-tiques?”

πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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Yesterday I suddenly ran into the man who once sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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My son looked at me with a silly grin and asked, "What do you and an antique door have in common?" I shrugged and replied, "I haven't a clue, what?" He explained...

"You're both worth more than you used to be, even though you're unhinged and your knobs don't work!"

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection.

Of course she denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...

That was a royal pane in the ass.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I love watching antiques roadshow

It never gets old

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
From my 3yo: what do you call a 100-year-old ant?

Antique

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djeclipz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I got an antique dosimeter from USSR and I was pretty excited.

Then I noticed it only measures comrads.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GentleMonsta
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad always used to say β€˜out with the old and in with the new’.

Lovely man, terrible antiques dealer...

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife: Let's go antiquing,

I feel Victorian.

Husband: No let's not, I feel baroque.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/14to0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A man and his son are in an antique store...

...as they are browsing they come across a suit of armor. The son asks his Dad "How much does that cost?". To which his Dad replies "$2500". His son looks shocked, "For a knight?!" "No, son. You get to keep it forever".

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jonmokoko
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.

I got shafted.

πŸ‘︎ 189
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an antique shop full of people?

A retirement home

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andy_stanley
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife bought me an ancient Italian artefact.

It was Rome-antique.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sourabhjoshi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I finally finished shooting my documentary about antique clocks.

It’s about time.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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This jewelry and antique store
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asmor
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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It's true son, dinosaurs aren't allowed to drive antique cars.

They kept causing Model T wrecks.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the Math book look so sad ?

Because it had a lot of problems

πŸ‘︎ 140
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m really pissed that my friend stole my antique atlas.

It really means the world to me.

πŸ‘︎ 141
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Shopping for antiques doesn't make you gay.

But it might make you buy curios.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/punaccomplished
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
At first he never liked the chair. Then he found out it was an antique.

After this, he chair-ished it for life.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/le_petit_nihilist
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
How much does a beautiful antique lamp weigh?

It's pretty light

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vinotm
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife and I are watching an antiques show, when a weathervane shows up on the screen....

The wife and I both to proceed how we like the look of it, and the wife mentions how she likes the lack of a rooster on top.

To which I reply "Of course dear, no one likes a cock swinging around in the breeze".

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spyrulfyre
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife just asked "Do we have any antique wax?" "Don't you mean duck repellent?", I said. "Ha... ha... ha." she said.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MartiniPlusOlive
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
What does an antique say at a rave.

Drop the vase.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/machi_koro
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend owns an antique shop. I asked him how business was recently.

He just said, "Oh you know. Same old, same old."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wiebelwobbles
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I was walking down the street and suddenly ran into the guy who once sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, I bumped into the guy who once sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I think my wife is secretly putting glue on my antique weapon collection.

She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Recently I bumped into the guy that sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Today I bumped into the guy who had sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I was walking down the street and ran into the man who once sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I accidentally ran into the man who sold me an antique globe...

It's a small world

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManWithoutNoPlan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection. She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns!
πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
This morning, I accidentally ran into the man who once sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection.

She says it's not true, but I'm sticking to my guns!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tmarsee530
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently bumped into the man who sold me my antique globe...

It's a small world!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection....

She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I was walking down the street when I ran into the man who sold me an antique globe a long time ago.

It’s a small world.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife refuses to confess that she poured glue on my antique weapons collection.

But I’m sticking to my guns.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I think my wife is secretly putting glue on my antique weapon collection.

She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently bumped into the guy who once sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I ran into the man who once sold me an antique globe.

It’s a small world.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report

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