The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighborsβ¦ One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacksβ¦ Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says βMy wifeβs an angel
I said, βyouβre lucky β mine is still aliveβ¦β
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
What does Los Angeles have in common with the Hobbit?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 21 2020
Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 27 2020
My dad had a Christmas ornament of Elvis dressed as an Angel on his tree. I asked my Dad why little angel Elvis wasnβt wearing any pants. He replied:
Because he died on the toilet
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 26 2020
How do angels light a candle?
With a match made in heaven
π︎ 21
π
︎ Mar 19 2020
How did Helen Keller know an angel was always watching over her?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 06 2020
What does the angel put in his salsa for extra spice?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 17 2019
So God was talking to one of his Angels. He said βIβve created 24 hours of alternating lightness and darkness in earthβ. The Angel said βWhat are you going to do now?β ...
βOh I think Iβll call it a dayβ God replies.
π︎ 77
π
︎ Sep 24 2019
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 08 2019
Why don't Angels use umbrellas?
Because they're too holy.
My son popped this one on me while we were getting soaked in the rain the other day. Not only was it a good joke, but I was proud that he was joking in what was other wise a cold and uncomfortable experience.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 18 2019
Why did Watson go to Los Angeles for his next case?
Because thatβs where he was told he could find Holmes.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 17 2019
Arch Angels
π︎ 77
π
︎ May 20 2019
I hate it when kids these days write βangleβ instead of βangel.β
They are just trying to be edgy.
π︎ 81
π
︎ Mar 24 2019
What do angels sing during Christmas time?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 18 2019
My son plays right field for a little-league team called the Angels
I asked him what it was like in a Disney movie. He didn't get it.
So I told him he's literally one of the Angels in the Outfield!
Later I realized maybe I'd insulted him, calling his team a sort of mickey mouse club.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 18 2019
What's the difference between The University of California-Berkeley and The University of California- Los Angeles?
At one UCLA and the other one UC-Berkeley.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 28 2019
What happens when the smog clears from over Los Angeles?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 10 2019
Kermit the frog went to the bank to get a mortgage for a new lilypad. He walked up to the desk of loan officer Patricia Whack and placed a small porcelain statue of an angel on her desk asking if she would take it as collateral. "What is that?" she asked...
It's a knick knack, patty whack. Give a frog a loan?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jul 08 2019
God finished creating the 24-hour cycle on Earth...
...with both darkness and light taking turns. He admired his hard work with a smile and a sigh. An angel asked him βWhatβs wrong, Lord?β God replied βI think Iβm gonna call it a day.β
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
What does an angel use to light his cigarette?
A match made in heaven
What kind of cigarettes does he have?
Holy Smokes
π︎ 225
π
︎ Jul 29 2018
How does a crow in Boston communicate with a crow in Los Angeles?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 04 2019
2019 is an angel...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 01 2019
What is an angels favurite video game
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 18 2019
Old guy 1: My wifeβs an angel!
Old guy 2: Youβre lucky mineβs still alive!
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 03 2019
What's a fountain after an angel is removed?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 18 2018
π︎ 70
π
︎ Nov 18 2016
Which interview should you avoid asking Clark Kent to give?
2:30 AM: A woman accused of robbing a large bank in San Francisco
6:00 PM: A man accused of scamming high rollers in Las Vegas
9:00 PM: A man accused of shooting two rival gang members in Los Angeles
The last one: Keep him away from the Crip tonight
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 08 2020
I would not want to take an airline out of Los Angeles...
The security is always so LAX
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 29 2018
If you see an angel...
...would you say halo for me?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Feb 02 2017
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, βwhat are you going to do now?β
God said, βI think Iβm going to call it a day.β
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jul 20 2019
I hate it when kids write βangleβ instead of βangelβ.
Theyβre just trying to be edgy.
π︎ 48
π
︎ Dec 15 2018
What happens when the smog lifts from Los Angeles?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Mar 09 2019
Security at Los Angeles International Airport was very chill
π︎ 1k
π
︎ May 25 2016
How do angels greet each other?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 24 2019
What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 13 2019
What happens on a clear day in Los Angeles?
π︎ 113
π
︎ Jul 10 2017
What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jan 17 2018
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