Why do Hells Angels always wear Leather?

So they can Hyde from the Police!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajmansell
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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What weapon do angels use?

A HARPoon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says β€œMy wife’s an angel

I said, β€œyou’re lucky – mine is still alive…”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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My dad had a Christmas ornament of Elvis dressed as an Angel on his tree. I asked my Dad why little angel Elvis wasn’t wearing any pants. He replied:

Because he died on the toilet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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How do angels light a candle?

With a match made in heaven

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marty___mcfly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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What does the angel put in his salsa for extra spice?

Halopenos.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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So God was talking to one of his Angels. He said β€œI’ve created 24 hours of alternating lightness and darkness in earth”. The Angel said β€œWhat are you going to do now?” ...

β€œOh I think I’ll call it a day” God replies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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How did Helen Keller know an angel was always watching over her?

It was Heaven-scent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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I hate it when kids these days write β€œangle” instead of β€œangel.”

They are just trying to be edgy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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Arch Angels
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Succ_4_V-Buck
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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Why don't Angels use umbrellas?

Because they're too holy.

My son popped this one on me while we were getting soaked in the rain the other day. Not only was it a good joke, but I was proud that he was joking in what was other wise a cold and uncomfortable experience.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neybar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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What do angels sing during Christmas time?

No Hell, No Hell!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyCosmonaut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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What does an angel use to light his cigarette?

A match made in heaven

What kind of cigarettes does he have?

Holy Smokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GIGA255
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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My son plays right field for a little-league team called the Angels

I asked him what it was like in a Disney movie. He didn't get it. So I told him he's literally one of the Angels in the Outfield!

Later I realized maybe I'd insulted him, calling his team a sort of mickey mouse club.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/voip_geek
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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Kermit the frog went to the bank to get a mortgage for a new lilypad. He walked up to the desk of loan officer Patricia Whack and placed a small porcelain statue of an angel on her desk asking if she would take it as collateral. "What is that?" she asked...

It's a knick knack, patty whack. Give a frog a loan?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/curmudge_john
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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2019 is an angel...

...maybe cause 7 8 9

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TurquiseBird
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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What is an angels favurite video game

Halo

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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Old guy 1: My wife’s an angel!

Old guy 2: You’re lucky mine’s still alive!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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What's a fountain after an angel is removed?

A sans seraph font.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkenTree
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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If you see an angel...

...would you say halo for me?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dizzy_lizzy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
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An angel walks into a hardware store and says "I'd like to buy a Christmas tree."

The cashier asks "are you putting it up yourself?"

The angel replies "yes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RancidLemons
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2016
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Every time a dad joke is born, an angel loses his hair
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B00Mshakal0l0
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
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Lucifer, the gorgeous fallen angel. [X-post /r/tumblr]

http://i.imgur.com/fmGslhx.jpg

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2014
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An angel left the side of an old-style typeface.

Now it's sans-seraph.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2016
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Angel: "Will be there anyone surviving the Flood?"

God: "I Noah guy"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOnlyFuhrer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2017
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Every time an angel gets its Wings,

Paul McCartney gets a royalty check

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2017
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"Angels we have heard on high..." imgur.com/fohTru2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IanGecko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2014
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And lo, an angel appeared unto the prophet Isaiah, and said:

Angel: "Behold! I exceed ninety degrees!"

Isaiah: "Uh... what?"

And the angel gave no explanation and vanished.

Isaiah muttered: "What an obtuse angel."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2016
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What do you call an angel dachshund?

A halo-wiener.

He cried laughing at himself.

Dad, no.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Envicroa
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2013
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After telling this one I could hear the angels singing

My mom turns on the radio and we are immediately greeted with that boring sort of Christian music without any lyrics or discernible point in any way just sort of doodling around. Very similar to hold music. Annoying stuff.

Mom: "How do you like this Christian elevator music?"

Me: "...It's very..uplifting"


^After ^giving ^my ^retort ^she ^announced ^that ^that ^was ^"the ^worst" ^which ^I ^immediately ^took ^as ^"the ^best" ^coming ^from ^a ^mom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jack-elda
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2014
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Dad joke at the Angels game

At the Angels game with my dad and step mom when dad brings out a bag full of grape flavored red vine licorice.
Step mom asks why he bought that flavor. Dad: "I heard it through the grape vine that they're great!"
No one but him was happy with that joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tokyomaneater69
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2014
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After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, β€œwhat are you going to do now?”

God said, β€œI think I’m going to call it a day.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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I hate it when kids write β€œangle” instead of β€œangel”.

They’re just trying to be edgy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report

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