What do you get when an alternating current and a direct current run into each other in a wire?
So God was talking to one of his Angels. He said “I’ve created 24 hours of alternating lightness and darkness in earth”. The Angel said “What are you going to do now?” ...
“Oh I think I’ll call it a day” God replies.
For the past year, I’ve been going out drinking alternating between my friend Greg one week and my other friend Ian the next week.
I’m on a Greg-or-Ian calendar.
There's a fine line between alternating current and direct current...
I think the debate of Nikola Tesla's origin is currently alternating.
In an alternate universe, Hercules was a girl.
I want my brand to become THE dairy alternative for the post truth era.
The people believe in Fake Moos.
What marine animal is famous for their alternative hits?
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.
So I had to ground him. He’s doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.
An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.
This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.
Joke by Terry Pratchett, ‘The Colour of Magic’, Prologue.
Disney is releasing a version of Tangled with an alternate ending where Rapunzel's hair isn't chopped off at the end.
They're calling it the Uncut Edition.
What do you call Clint Barton when he does the laundry?
There's a vegan activist in my neighborhood; she's been replacing everyone's dairy milk with alternatives.
Why can't skeletons play church music?
They don't have any organs.
It’s a five minute walk from my house to the pub, but a thirty-five minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
What did the lawyer use when he went fishing?
De’bait’!
or, alternate punchline:
Bating tactics!
An Alternative To Trump's Wall
In an alternate universe, instead of asking for whatever he touches to be gold, Midas just asked for his jokes to be made extremely hilarious.
Everything was comedy gold.
My dad banned me from saying "Hell", so I asked: "Have you thought of any alternative names for hell?"
Margarine is good
But it's not butter than the alternative
The alternate endgame ending
Thanos: I am inevitable. Iron man: Hi inevitable I’m dad.
In an alternate universe, there’s probably a sentient kitchen wash basin knocking at your front door. Let that sink in,
How does Yo-Yo Ma greet his neighbors in the morning?
Chello!
Alternatively:
What is Yo-Yo Ma's favorite dairy dessert?
Chello pudding!
If you go into the bathroom an American, and you leave the bathroom an American, what are you while you’re in the bathroom?
If I had to choose, I think I'd rather be a Vegetarian Vampire.
Though not a perfect solution, cryogenic storage could be an alternative to capital punishment.
Professor dint have this planned
Me: I am planning to start a cider business
She: any alternative plans if it doesn't work out?
Me: I haven't decidered yet!
An alternate world where it's illegal to make or even touch puns. Punsmiths are protesting against this.
There's a pun crying to be made here, but I can't put my finger on it.
Here is a pun for all my bible reading friends
In an alternate universe, God sends popeye down to speak to moses. When Moses asks Popeye who he is, he responds
"I yam who yam"
I suddenly couldn't go out and act because I received lots of crates of materials...
I quit smoking and I'm using gum as an alternative.
It sure is hard to keep lit though.
She gave me a BJ with some alternative rock playing in the background
I guess you can say I got some Radiohead
I'm trying to come up with an alternative name for a cash machine
But I can't think of one ATM.
"Have you considered using an alternative name for Hell?"
An alternate title for Crazy Train could be
Whats an alternative name for the jedi
My wife asked me if there was an interesting alternative to using nails or screws as fasteners.
I told her yes... and it's riveting.
My car only runs every other day.
I think it might be the alternator.
What did God say when he created a 24 hour period of alternating day and night?
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, “what are you going to do now?”
God said, “I think I’m going to call it a day.”
My son kept chewing on the electrical cords so I had to ground him...
He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
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