I’m all right.
buh-dum-tsss
He turned over a new Leaf.
Venkman says, "Nah, I'm not a big marshmallow guy."
I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I didn't have that can of Pringles in the cupboard....
"When people ask, mom can just say "you should see the other guy. He reached down my shirt, we got in a fight, and I killed him!""
Person two: "I guess you could say the anti-stick went out of the frying pan, into the water."
It was a real Saab story
"...so I moved."
So tonight my boyfriend, roommate and I are watching Wreck it Ralph with some friends. We're about a half an hour in and we are at the scene right before Venelope throws the medal into the funnel thing(?). King Candy is currently throwing candy to the audience members who are made out of candy.
Guy Friend: Wait. So. They're made out of candy, but King Candy is giving them candy to eat???
Boyfriend: Yeah. They're candybals.
Roommate and I dissolve into a fit of giggles.
Because they're Russian.
In hindsight, the sheep probably shouldn't have been driving in the first place.
He got toad
Twice dragons.
Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use “Wreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyou‘s for the kind words and awards.
A nervous wreck
It was a nervous wreck.
A nervous wreck
I guess he just wasn't a very good conductor.
A wrecked angle
Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
But it didn’t twerk out.
Husband: is that why you ovary act?
For instance, in America they call Tyrannosaurus Rex a T-Rex and in England they call them a Tea-Rex
I hit the median
That was his loco-motive.
Rectum.
Wreck more.
Mileysaurus?
Who woulda thunk it?
“Was it a Saab?”
No, more of a whimper
They were tyrannosaurus wrecks.
They told me that recently they had come into ownership of a small ball of string. At first, they thought nothing of it. One day, they walked into their house and the ball of string was on the table, when they had specifically left it in a closet. They put it away again, but the next day when they came home from work, the ball was on the table again. It kept happening, and eventually it became a sort of game for my friend. They'd leave it somewhere they thought it could never come back from, and return to find it on their table.
Then it began to appear in other places.
It appeared in the middle of a company meeting. One moment, the table was empty, the next, it had a ball of string in the middle. While driving, they spotted it in the back of their car. They saw it inside of a vending machine. But at the end of every day it would return to their table.
Eventually, my friend decided enough was enough. They took the string, and threw it off a bridge into a river. As they were driving home, a car swerved and hit them, wrecking both cars. My friend staggered to check on the other driver, and all he found was a small pile of soggy string on the seat.
After that, he never saw the string again.
So after he told me this tale, I turned to him, and said, "Wow... that was quite a yarn."
Truly a force to be wreckin’ with.
What happened was, we were crossing an intersection and the car said, "Stop me if you've heard this one."
My Wife: Is it frozen? Me: No, it’s Wreck It Ralph.
She’s 19 weeks pregnant, I can feel the dad joke wit rising!
He must have a shitty job.
He approached me after I had parked in my driveway and asked if I knew why he was writing me a ticket.
I told him I had no idea what I had done wrong.
He said that he followed me for my entire commute and not once did I get in an accident. He fined me for wreck-less driving.
A nervous wreck.
A nervous wreck.
A nervous wreck
