A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer
The bartender says we don't serve food here
They shouldn’t have called it zoom
Co-vid woulda been a better name
Thx for the awards, kind strangers!
My wife got mad at me for mentioning that she farted.
I thought it was an astute observation.
Q: What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A: A neck-tarine.
My doctor told me I need to eat more greens...
....so I stopped at the store on the way home and picked up some food coloring.
Me: "I don't understand cloning."
Friend: "That makes two of us."
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I think my wife is displeased.
My wife took the day off because she had an eye doctor appointment. She just sent me a text.
"Can't wait to see you!"
"Is that a contact lens joke?"
"No"
"Woulda been a good one!"
She has not replied. I regret nothing.
