So I could have twice as many dad jokes.
‘cause being it everyday is just really sad.
...that would be Nice.
I told her I could give her a crash course.
Steve: "I wish I was rich."
Genie: "What’s your second wish, Rich?"
“I want to be rich!” Replied the man
“Ok Rich, what’s your next wish?”
But all I have is a printer
My friend said "Whoa, your dad was a billionaire?"
I said "no, he also wished he was..."
By shooting stars.
The fairy codmother
Granted! Now what's your next wish, Richard?
Because of the sand-which is there
So he became 90
I know he meant well
They say it’s legendairy.
That way my humerus with my family forever.
That’s a lot of pressure.
Oh, sorry. I was using the wrong sub.
Its just something I could see myself doing
Genue: weurd but alrught.
But I guess my foresight isn't 2020
The suspension is killing me.
I just wanted to thank everyone here. My mom has been in the hospital with the virus and being able to send her jokes from here has made her laugh (we both really like puns!) so I just wanted to thank y’all for the fun jokes you post. I know it doesn’t seem like much but it has been very nice to be able to share them with her!
Edit: thank you so much for the awards and well wishes! I 100% did not expect this to blow up like it did and I’m so glad for y’all’s support!!
After that, everything I touched turned into a muffler.
I hear they do it with models.
I'm not sure if it was a lamborghini
Noman is an island.
I said, I have indoor plumbing
She’s dead and berried.
I think that would be pretty handy.
It would be a dream come true.
She said: “break an egg”.
His name was Josh Buttlicker. Everyone used to make fun of him. On his 10th birthday his dad asked him what he wanted as a gift.
He said “I am so sick of everyone making fun of my name and I really want you to change it officially”.
Dad said “No way! This is our family name, which represents our lineage, and I will never do it.”
He tried asking again on his 11, 12th up to his 17th birthday. But his dad denied his wish every time.
Finally on his 18th birthday, he told his dad “You cannot do anything now. I am of legal age and it is my decision!!” He rushed to the court with a lawyer, and completed all the paperwork to change his name legally.
Then he came home, and his dad asked “well, what is it?”
He said “Dave Buttlicker”.
I really wish he would stop laughing at me expense.
Congratulations! Have a blast.
Rich: I need a lot of money
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
It's not like I have 20 20 vision
To which the Genie replied, “Your wish is granite.”
To celebrate, we invited all the family and friends we could to my parents' house and then made the big announcement. Everyone was ecstatic and my father in particular was driven to tears. At a certain point during the night he pulled me aside and led me into his study, which I had never really been inside until this point. He opened a safe and produced cigars a bottle of whiskey and a large, beautifully bound book.
"I could never have asked for a better son," my father said, lighting the cigars and pouring the whiskey. "I hope you think I was a good enough father to deserve you."
"Of course, Dad," I said, "You were all I could've asked for and I wish my son admires me even half as much as I admire you."
"Now I've shared with you nearly everything I know," he said, "But not this one thing. This is the Big Book of Dad Jokes. There are many like it but this one is special. My father gave it to me when your mother and I first found out she was pregnant with you, and I studied it and studied it, learning all the dad jokes I could and mastering book's secrets. I hope it serves you as well as it served me in being a father... No... I know it will serve you well. I love you, my son."
"Dad... I don't know what to say... I'm honoured..."
"Hi Honoured, I'm Dad."
You could carve large ones or small ones, any size you want. Wooden tit be nice?
That she was a little boulder.
A kid finds a magical lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears and says, “What is your first wish?” The kid says, “I wish I were rich!” The genie replies, “It is done! What is your second wish, Rich?”
I wish I had enough money to get a new boat.
I wish the First National would stop sending their packages to my pond's address...
I took that shit to another level!
I really dropped the ball on that one.
Me: I want a world without lawyers
Genie: Done, your three wishes are over
Me: I still have two left!
Genie: Sue me
It’s my induction day.
His response: “Thanks son. I couldn’t have done it without you!”
Happy Father’s Day!!
One of them goes to an Egyptian family and is named Amal while the other goes to a family in Spain and is named Juan.
Years later, Juan sends his picture to his birth mother, who upon receiving it tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.
His husbands responds,"They are twins, if you have seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Dad: hindsight is 4/20
And bragging to all my friends that I am a Mail Escort.
My wish would have far reaching consequences.
I just wish his wife would come out with him
Dave: I wish I was Rich!
Genie: Granted
Rich: Nice
(Sorry for formatting, mobile app is the embodiment of a bucket with a hole in it)
A lambor-genie
A young woman was rummaging through her grandmother’s belongings, and she came across a mysterious lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, Rick Astley appeared before her and said, “I will give you three wishes.”
She thought for a moment and said, “For my first wish I would like to end world hunger.” “An admirable request. Consider it granted!” Rick said.
“For my second wish, I would like world peace.” “Ah, this is a very difficult request, but it has been done. And for your final request?”
She thought for a moment and decided to make this a selfish wish. “As a movie buff, I would like a copy of every movie in the world in my own private collection.” The genie a bit taken back . . . . paused and said, “This I cannot do . . .” “Why!?” The women exclaimed. “ You can fix world hunger and end all wars, but you cannot complete this simple task?!” The Genie looked away and said, “I can, but your collection will not be complete . . . you see . . . I’m never gunna give you Up!”
There'd be a lot less suckers in the world.
I just wish his wife would do the same
There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. His knee immediately became metallic and the sudden change to his blood pressure caused almost instantaneous death.
Later in the morgue the Coroner noted that it was a classic example of situational iron knee.
Then I could drive it from time to time
Turns out wishes just don't come true, sometimes you have to get your feet wet
Being ugly every day sucks.
She should stop objectifying people.
That she was a little boulder.
because being ugly everyday sucks.
That she was a little boulder.
Genue: weurd but alrught.
Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!"
The genie nodded and said, "What’s your second wish?"
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
That she was a little boulder.
That she was a little boulder.
That she was a little boulder.
That she was a little boulder.
That she was a little boulder.
Boy: I wish I were you.
Genue: weurd but alrught.
That’s a lot of pressure.
