Winter Break Puns

Schools should really be calling it wintermission.

She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:

Icy, what you did there.

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
17. Always go straight home after work or school
18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.

I said 'be careful, she might leave you.'

He did not get it at first, so I had to repeat myself a couple of times...but I would have done that anyway.

I work at a workout shop called Sweat. It's bit of a janky chain store. Soon, after I started working there, I start dating a super cute kelpto who has too much fun stealing. Other than that she's perfect. Winter rolls around and she gets bored.

GF wants to rob my work.

It's like -10° out.

Stores closed so they don't have the heat on but, I have a set of keys. We get into an argument about it. She tells me to help her steal at least one thing from the freezing store or she'll split up with me.

I break into a cold sweat.

A collegue of mine (a dad, recently turned 50) pulled this one off during a break at work when we were in the middle of a very heated debate about the Sami people (who some people get really pissed off at since their reindeers are everywhere and is really dangerous to car drivers during winters):

-I just heard what they actually use the reindeer pelts for.

-What's that?

-They keep their reindeers in them.

I don't know if it's just funny for us people here in the north of Sweden, but we all laughed for minutes.

I'm back home for winter break, Dad asks if I want Philly cheese steaks for lunch. "I don't really feel like cheese steaks," to which he responds to by squeezing my leg and saying, "your right".

talking about a music assignment I had this past semester when I came home for winter break. I told my dad I had to arrange a piece of music for class.

He asked me if it was a group project. I told him no, I was the only one who worked on it.

"So that makes you the lone arranger?"

>DAD: You know why they're saying this winter is so cold? > >ME: Why? > >DAD: 'Cause I'm so coool. > >ME: Yeah, that's why they're blaming me for global warming -- 'cause I'm so hot.

To this day I try to break out "I'm so cool" or "I'm so hot" when someone complains about the temperature being at either extreme.

I work as a special education teacher. I'll admit to not being a dad, but I hope I'm well on my way.

Aide: "I'm so excited (note sarcasm). I get to visit my in-laws in Missouri over winter break."

Teacherdad: I hear there are a lot of people visiting Missouri these days.

Student: "Why?"

Teacherdad: ...Missouri loves company.