I snuck up behind my daughter and whispered, "I think our microwave and our TV are spying on us!!! And I also think our vacuum cleaner..."

"...has been gathering dirt on us for years!"

πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I once whispered to myself in a shout-only zone

it wasn't aloud

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sooblek
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"

I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
🚨︎ report
My family and I walked into the lobby and as we were checking in, I whispered to the desk clerk, "I hope the porn is disabled."

The guy looked at me in shock and sputtered, "It's just regular porn, you sick perv!"

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."

Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alexslivi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2014
🚨︎ report
Smiling like a fool, lifting her veil, looking longingly into my beloved's eyes, I whispered, "A...E...I...O...U...and sometimes Y."

The priest then turned to her.

"And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I looked mysteriously at my son and whispered, "I steal candy bars using sleight of hand!"

"So I guess you could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve!"

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A few minutes ago, my wife turned to me and whispered, β€œI want u so badly.”

We are playing Scrabble, and she has a Q that she can’t get rid off.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I whispered to my kids, "Have you all heard about the top secret bakery?"

They all looked at me blankly, so I replied, "I didn’t think so, it’s on a knead to dough basis."

πŸ‘︎ 193
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2017
🚨︎ report
He leaned over and whispered in her ear...

β€œNow blow the candles”

John Candle and Rick Candle were ecstatic

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eloquent_chicken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is 'Careless Whisper' played in so many hot scenes?

It is a rather saxy song.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darthcactus2100
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
(At bosses funeral kneeling and whispering at coffin)

"Who's thinking outside the box now Gary?"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available.

She looked up and whispered, "They're right behind you".

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I heard this guy whispering a lot of Pokemon jokes to his friend...

...but I couldn't catch them all.

πŸ‘︎ 363
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife woke me up in the middle of the night

She whispered in my ear, "our children are asleep do what you want"

I then went back to sleep

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CarguyF1
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is whispering in public a bad idea?

Because it's not aloud.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brother_p
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
*whispers* b i o l o g y p u n s . . .
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OCTUStudio
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A girl fell in front of me and was very severely injured. She said "Call me an ambulance!"

I whispered in her ear "You're an ambulance"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iNeedHealing24_7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...

So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashscar14
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A man is staying in a hotel.

He walks up to the front desk and says, β€œSorry, I forgot what room I’m in, can you help me?”

The receptionist replies, β€œNo problem, sir. This is the lobby.”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethanssss
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
If you see the second letter of the alphabet

Letter B

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gilberto2005
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
You otter hear this

A stoat and a weasel meet in a bar in the late fall and have a few drinks. One thing leads to another, and they decide to leave and spend the night together.

As they leave the weasel leans over and whispers, "i see you've changed into your winter coat. So, your place, ermine?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/damarius
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Found this on Whisper
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DootDeeDootDeeDoo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
It was a lovely movie and I had a hot date, so I asked her to whisper something in my ear that would make my heart beat faster. She gave me this sly little smile and then she replied,

"Don't look now, but your wife is sitting right behind us."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I usually don't care what other people are saying...

....until they start whispering.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the pessimistic horse whisperer?

He was a real neigh sayer.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NakedWaldo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Be sure to whisper after a chocolatier tells you they’re out of chocolate. You don’t wanna startle them.

They’re just an ear now.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DamnYouRobot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my boyfriend I might be a horse whisperer.

He replied 'I don't know honey, we all whisper when we' re hoarse'

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KieraMariana
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A bald man with a hairpiece needed the restroom during a movie.

He whispered to his date, β€œI have toupeΓ©.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dusk118
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Sometimes late at night

I look up at the twinkling sky and whisper,

"You guys are the real stars."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rickthecabbie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Two corn stalks are standing in a field. One leans over to the other and whispers, β€œHey I gotta tell you something, you got a minute?” The other corn stalk says...

β€œSure, I’m all ears.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/caferreri11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: dad would you like a wispa? Dad: (whispers) no thank you
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked how old she will be next month.

My daughter woke me around 11:50pm last night. My wife and I picked her up from her friend Sally’s birthday party, brought her home and put her to bed. My wife went to the bedroom to read and I fell asleep watching basketball.

β€œDaddy”, she whispered tugging my shirt.

β€œGuess how old I’ll be next month?”

β€œI don’t know, honey.” I said as I slipped on my glasses. β€œHow old?”

She smiled and held up 4 fingers.

It’s now 7:30am. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What is small, red, and whispers?

A hoarse radish

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nightreach1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad, whispering: look at that sleeping bag son!

Me: Why are you whispering?

Dad, still whispering: Stop talking so loudly! You are going to wake it up!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/milburbaspho
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The Beatles looked out for eachother in preschool

"What is the second letter of the alphabet?" The teacher asked Ringo. But Ringo wasn't sure.

But because Ringo had found himself in a time of trouble, John came to him and whispered words of wisdom

"Letter B"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dwrk92
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Get it..!?πŸ˜‚
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dancing-yoda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Next time someone is doing a crossword whisper...

sevenup is lemonade

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mooselemon
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2017
🚨︎ report
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"

I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"

πŸ‘︎ 501
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"

I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
At my boss's funeral, kneeling down and whispering slowly.

Who's thinking out of box now Kevin?

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tbag420-69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
So I asked the librarian where were the books on paranoia?

"Right behind you." She whispered.

πŸ‘︎ 128
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked the librarian where the books on paranoia are kept.

She whispered "They're right behind you".

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I overheard this guy whispering Pokemon jokes to a friend

But I couldn't catch them all

πŸ‘︎ 131
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked the librarian if books on paranoia were available.

She look up and whispered, β€œThey’re right behind you.”

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KarateKid84Fan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you..."

πŸ‘︎ 196
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked the librarian if there were any books about paranoia in the library

She whispered , "They're right behind you..."

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ivanshu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report

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