I snuck up behind my daughter and whispered, "I think our microwave and our TV are spying on us!!! And I also think our vacuum cleaner..."
"...has been gathering dirt on us for years!"
π︎ 97
π
︎ May 18 2020
I once whispered to myself in a shout-only zone
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 29 2020
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
π︎ 7k
π
︎ May 30 2018
My family and I walked into the lobby and as we were checking in, I whispered to the desk clerk, "I hope the porn is disabled."
The guy looked at me in shock and sputtered, "It's just regular porn, you sick perv!"
π︎ 71
π
︎ Dec 29 2018
While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."
Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Oct 04 2014
Smiling like a fool, lifting her veil, looking longingly into my beloved's eyes, I whispered, "A...E...I...O...U...and sometimes Y."
The priest then turned to her.
"And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?"
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 13 2019
I looked mysteriously at my son and whispered, "I steal candy bars using sleight of hand!"
"So I guess you could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve!"
π︎ 29
π
︎ Mar 12 2019
A few minutes ago, my wife turned to me and whispered, βI want u so badly.β
We are playing Scrabble, and she has a Q that she canβt get rid off.
π︎ 39
π
︎ Nov 16 2018
I whispered to my kids, "Have you all heard about the top secret bakery?"
They all looked at me blankly, so I replied, "I didnβt think so, itβs on a knead to dough basis."
π︎ 193
π
︎ Nov 06 2017
He leaned over and whispered in her ear...
βNow blow the candlesβ
John Candle and Rick Candle were ecstatic
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 16 2018
Why is 'Careless Whisper' played in so many hot scenes?
It is a rather saxy song.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
(At bosses funeral kneeling and whispering at coffin)
"Who's thinking outside the box now Gary?"
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available.
She looked up and whispered, "They're right behind you".
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Feb 19 2021
I heard this guy whispering a lot of Pokemon jokes to his friend...
...but I couldn't catch them all.
π︎ 363
π
︎ Apr 30 2020
My wife woke me up in the middle of the night
She whispered in my ear, "our children are asleep do what you want"
I then went back to sleep
π︎ 51
π
︎ May 06 2021
Why is whispering in public a bad idea?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 09 2020
*whispers* b i o l o g y p u n s . . .
π︎ 23
π
︎ Feb 08 2020
A girl fell in front of me and was very severely injured. She said "Call me an ambulance!"
I whispered in her ear "You're an ambulance"
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 11 2021
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
π︎ 13
π
︎ Mar 07 2020
A man is staying in a hotel.
He walks up to the front desk and says, βSorry, I forgot what room Iβm in, can you help me?β
The receptionist replies, βNo problem, sir. This is the lobby.β
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Mar 24 2020
If you see the second letter of the alphabet
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
You otter hear this
A stoat and a weasel meet in a bar in the late fall and have a few drinks. One thing leads to another, and they decide to leave and spend the night together.
As they leave the weasel leans over and whispers, "i see you've changed into your winter coat. So, your place, ermine?"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 18 2021
Found this on Whisper
π︎ 20
π
︎ Apr 17 2019
It was a lovely movie and I had a hot date, so I asked her to whisper something in my ear that would make my heart beat faster. She gave me this sly little smile and then she replied,
"Don't look now, but your wife is sitting right behind us."
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 29 2019
I usually don't care what other people are saying...
....until they start whispering.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 03 2021
Did you hear about the pessimistic horse whisperer?
He was a real neigh sayer.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 27 2019
Be sure to whisper after a chocolatier tells you theyβre out of chocolate. You donβt wanna startle them.
Theyβre just an ear now.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 27 2019
I told my boyfriend I might be a horse whisperer.
He replied 'I don't know honey, we all whisper when we' re hoarse'
π︎ 19
π
︎ Feb 17 2019
A bald man with a hairpiece needed the restroom during a movie.
He whispered to his date, βI have toupeΓ©.β
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
Sometimes late at night
I look up at the twinkling sky and whisper,
"You guys are the real stars."
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
Two corn stalks are standing in a field. One leans over to the other and whispers, βHey I gotta tell you something, you got a minute?β The other corn stalk says...
βSure, Iβm all ears.β
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 27 2019
Me: dad would you like a wispa? Dad: (whispers) no thank you
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 09 2019
My daughter asked how old she will be next month.
My daughter woke me around 11:50pm last night. My wife and I picked her up from her friend Sallyβs birthday party, brought her home and put her to bed. My wife went to the bedroom to read and I fell asleep watching basketball.
βDaddyβ, she whispered tugging my shirt.
βGuess how old Iβll be next month?β
βI donβt know, honey.β I said as I slipped on my glasses. βHow old?β
She smiled and held up 4 fingers.
Itβs now 7:30am. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
What is small, red, and whispers?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 02 2018
Dad, whispering: look at that sleeping bag son!
Me: Why are you whispering?
Dad, still whispering: Stop talking so loudly! You are going to wake it up!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 23 2019
The Beatles looked out for eachother in preschool
"What is the second letter of the alphabet?" The teacher asked Ringo. But Ringo wasn't sure.
But because Ringo had found himself in a time of trouble, John came to him and whispered words of wisdom
"Letter B"
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
Get it..!?π
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Jan 08 2019
Next time someone is doing a crossword whisper...
π︎ 40
π
︎ May 29 2017
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
π︎ 501
π
︎ Mar 21 2019
I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
π︎ 15
π
︎ Feb 05 2019
At my boss's funeral, kneeling down and whispering slowly.
Who's thinking out of box now Kevin?
π︎ 54
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
So I asked the librarian where were the books on paranoia?
"Right behind you." She whispered.
π︎ 128
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
I asked the librarian where the books on paranoia are kept.
She whispered "They're right behind you".
π︎ 37
π
︎ May 06 2021
I overheard this guy whispering Pokemon jokes to a friend
But I couldn't catch them all
π︎ 131
π
︎ May 30 2020
I asked the librarian if books on paranoia were available.
She look up and whispered, βTheyβre right behind you.β
π︎ 18
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you..."
π︎ 196
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
I asked the librarian if there were any books about paranoia in the library
She whispered , "They're right behind you..."
π︎ 21
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
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