All that thyme and effort wasted
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/natnat301
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...

I’ve been moving them around all day but they still say they are β€œOut of Order”

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Wasted genius
πŸ‘︎ 199
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_barjo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Wasted 4 hours in the ER this morning getting a mole checked out.

Apparently they all look the same and I should have left it in the yard.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My humour is wasted on 9gag
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASweatyBard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Just happened a few minutes ago. Whilst wrapping an easel for our daughter my better half said "how am I going to wrap this?" I replied "Easely". Not even a smile :( wasted talent here.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dannyp433
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
My Brilliant Humor is Wasted on the Young

This happened today.

I'm at park/playground with my kid. He's playing, I'm throwing a ball for my dog.

Three little girls, maybe around 10 years old, run up. "Can we pet your dog?"

Me, "Sure, would you like to throw the ball for her?"

One of the girls takes the thrower and chucks the ball. It goes a long way.

Me: "Wow, great throw!"

Girl: "I've got my dad's arms."

Me (already laughing on the inside): "Really? What does he use?"

They stare at me.

Sigh.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paul99501
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
🚨︎ report
The guy I asked for directions from wasted no time helping me.

He was straight to the point.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayDeeVeeYes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife says that I wasted money by ordering a 3 meter wide frame for our wedding photo.

Well, I think she should look at the bigger picture.

πŸ‘︎ 176
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Opportunity wasted
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/murse_joe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What you should do if time has wasted you?

Nothing, just relax and waste the time.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashtraxk
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Our little girl was born today! I wasted no time.

We got to the hospital.

Nurse: are you having pain?

Wife: yes, a lot.

Nurse: contracting?

Me: oh my god, it's contagious?!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsdrivingmenuts
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2015
🚨︎ report
I bought a new clock. Total waste of money.

It’s spends all day doing tik toks.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpapastu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.. COMPLETE WASTE OF MONEY!

He just stands there applauding and saying β€œOoh, I love how smooth it is”

πŸ‘︎ 471
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Most people told me learning sign language was a waste of time

But I find it to be a pretty handy skill

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ham-cum-rewritten
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know Bruce Banner disposes 95% of his waste in an environmentally friendly way?

Yes, he’s pretty green.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Inspector--Warp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Unpealievable..
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wiz93
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalJunkie101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
well reading this wasn't such a waste of time
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sssuuurrreeee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is it wasteful to eat a clock?

Because it's time consuming.....

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FatBlueJay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you eat 3.14 cakes?

You get fat. What, were you expecting a pi joke? Reddit doesn’t have pie days!

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBudderBomb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the sentry for the waste water treatment plant?

He has guard doody!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
To reduce waste, our city has told food truck drivers they must donate all unsold items each night.

I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask...

How much food would a good truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zekesnack
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Those who waste whisky ...

Simply don't give a dram.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I was with my friend Philip and we had a lot of waste we needed to dispose of.

"Where's the nearest landfill?" I asked.

"There's land everywhere," he replied.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, β€œIf you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”

I replied, β€œI'm on the toilet, please advise…”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of a prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in a year?

A trophy.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TerroristOgre
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife just threw away my favourite herb.

She's such a Thyme waster

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CMDR_Gungoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The other dads in my Zoom meeting today may have been a bit jealous. I mentioned how my adolescent daughter has been so generous and nice during quarantine while I use the family computer for work, instead of her wasting time all day, watching YouTube. I have to say,

I'm glad to have the no-vid kind teen.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxUsernameMichael
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I believe y is up
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punyae3671
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I run out of toilet paper...
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirt_T
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
So I overclocked my phone...
πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Codyjames34526
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why fart and waste it...

..When you can burp and taste it. (My friend's dad said this)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dovydasmusic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The Orions Belt is a Big Waste of Space

I'll Admit that was a bad joke Just 3 Stars

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XxxchipyxxX_alt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad: You know what they say... A Mayan is a terrible thing to waste. Me: Who says that?

My dad: Not the Spanish!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t wanna waste time
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Just cleaning out the fridge and found this dried up and shrivelled behind the egg tray. What a waste.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediWithBenefits
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Obituary for the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Pop N Fresh

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eyes_and_teeth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does the older generation hate the young lazy kids

They didn't do anything, to deserve that

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/your_username_sux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The legalize cannabis party had a fair few stoners voting for it this past election, but not enough to gain power

That’s a lot of wasted votes

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate reading puns about herbs. Seriously! They are such a waste of thyme...
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Gabe had a heavy load this semester

Math, physics, comp sci. The only easy class was "The American Century." Open book midterm and final, so he wasn't going to do any of the reading all semester.

β€œIt’s a huge waste of time, Dad,” he laughed when I objected. β€œI’m not learning a damn thing in the class.”

β€œWell, then you’re just going to have to take that class over again,” I snapped at him.

β€œWhat are you talking about?” he yelped.

β€œYou know why, Gabe,” I said. β€œThose who don’t learn from history are condemned to repeat it.”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cja1968
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
If I attached a watch to my belt....

It would be a waste of time.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Below the waste...
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrewsTravelers365
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
So I can legit ride a unicycle. My mom told me it was a waste of time and would never get me anywhere in life....

I said β€œno mom! Where there’s a wheel, there’s a way!”

πŸ‘︎ 451
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serion15
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Cashier at Publix asked if we wanted the milk in a bag...

I told her to please leave it in the jug.

My wife eye-rolled SO hard and then apologized to the cashier :D

The cashier was laughing though, so I'll take the win.

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LS-CRX
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
the title is here to waste time
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreenGamer7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
"Are those your pants, stumbling around by themselves and puking all over everything?"

"Yeah, they're my high/wasted jeans."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The 5 stages of butter
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thinkingamer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report

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