All that thyme and effort wasted
πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/natnat301
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2020
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I can’t believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...

I’ve been moving them around all day but they still say they are β€œOut of Order”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 56
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 22 2020
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Wasted genius
πŸ‘οΈŽ 199
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_barjo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2020
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Wasted 4 hours in the ER this morning getting a mole checked out.

Apparently they all look the same and I should have left it in the yard.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2020
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My humour is wasted on 9gag
πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ASweatyBard
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03 2020
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Just happened a few minutes ago. Whilst wrapping an easel for our daughter my better half said "how am I going to wrap this?" I replied "Easely". Not even a smile :( wasted talent here.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dannyp433
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 21 2018
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My Brilliant Humor is Wasted on the Young

This happened today.

I'm at park/playground with my kid. He's playing, I'm throwing a ball for my dog.

Three little girls, maybe around 10 years old, run up. "Can we pet your dog?"

Me, "Sure, would you like to throw the ball for her?"

One of the girls takes the thrower and chucks the ball. It goes a long way.

Me: "Wow, great throw!"

Girl: "I've got my dad's arms."

Me (already laughing on the inside): "Really? What does he use?"

They stare at me.

Sigh.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/paul99501
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2018
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The guy I asked for directions from wasted no time helping me.

He was straight to the point.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JayDeeVeeYes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 02 2019
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My wife says that I wasted money by ordering a 3 meter wide frame for our wedding photo.

Well, I think she should look at the bigger picture.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 176
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2019
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Opportunity wasted
πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/murse_joe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2018
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What you should do if time has wasted you?

Nothing, just relax and waste the time.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ashtraxk
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2019
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Our little girl was born today! I wasted no time.

We got to the hospital.

Nurse: are you having pain?

Wife: yes, a lot.

Nurse: contracting?

Me: oh my god, it's contagious?!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/itsdrivingmenuts
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2015
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I bought a new clock. Total waste of money.

It’s spends all day doing tik toks.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bigpapastu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2020
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I bought a ceiling fan the other day.. COMPLETE WASTE OF MONEY!

He just stands there applauding and saying β€œOoh, I love how smooth it is”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 471
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 03 2020
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Most people told me learning sign language was a waste of time

But I find it to be a pretty handy skill

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ham-cum-rewritten
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 27 2020
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Did you know Bruce Banner disposes 95% of his waste in an environmentally friendly way?

Yes, he’s pretty green.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Inspector--Warp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2020
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Unpealievable..
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wiz93
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 16 2020
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My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MetalJunkie101
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2020
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well reading this wasn't such a waste of time
πŸ‘οΈŽ 50
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sssuuurrreeee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 31 2020
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Why is it wasteful to eat a clock?

Because it's time consuming.....

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FatBlueJay
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2020
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What do you get when you eat 3.14 cakes?

You get fat. What, were you expecting a pi joke? Reddit doesn’t have pie days!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheBudderBomb
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2020
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Did you hear about the sentry for the waste water treatment plant?

He has guard doody!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 28 2020
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To reduce waste, our city has told food truck drivers they must donate all unsold items each night.

I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask...

How much food would a good truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zekesnack
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 23 2020
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Those who waste whisky ...

Simply don't give a dram.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2020
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I was with my friend Philip and we had a lot of waste we needed to dispose of.

"Where's the nearest landfill?" I asked.

"There's land everywhere," he replied.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2020
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My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, β€œIf you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”

I replied, β€œI'm on the toilet, please advise…”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2020
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What kind of a prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in a year?

A trophy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TerroristOgre
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 05 2020
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My wife just threw away my favourite herb.

She's such a Thyme waster

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CMDR_Gungoose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 03 2020
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The other dads in my Zoom meeting today may have been a bit jealous. I mentioned how my adolescent daughter has been so generous and nice during quarantine while I use the family computer for work, instead of her wasting time all day, watching YouTube. I have to say,

I'm glad to have the no-vid kind teen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xxUsernameMichael
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 27 2020
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I believe y is up
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Punyae3671
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2020
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I run out of toilet paper...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dirt_T
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 21 2020
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So I overclocked my phone...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 53
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Codyjames34526
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 09 2020
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Why fart and waste it...

..When you can burp and taste it. (My friend's dad said this)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dovydasmusic
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 13 2020
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The Orions Belt is a Big Waste of Space

I'll Admit that was a bad joke Just 3 Stars

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/XxxchipyxxX_alt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2019
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My dad: You know what they say... A Mayan is a terrible thing to waste. Me: Who says that?

My dad: Not the Spanish!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2020
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Don’t wanna waste time
πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/im_mister_meeseeks1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 16 2019
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Just cleaning out the fridge and found this dried up and shrivelled behind the egg tray. What a waste.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JediWithBenefits
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 26 2019
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Obituary for the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Pop N Fresh

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Eyes_and_teeth
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 18 2020
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Why does the older generation hate the young lazy kids

They didn't do anything, to deserve that

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/your_username_sux
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 05 2020
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The legalize cannabis party had a fair few stoners voting for it this past election, but not enough to gain power

That’s a lot of wasted votes

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2020
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I hate reading puns about herbs. Seriously! They are such a waste of thyme...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MonkeyingAround604
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 09 2019
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Gabe had a heavy load this semester

Math, physics, comp sci. The only easy class was "The American Century." Open book midterm and final, so he wasn't going to do any of the reading all semester.

β€œIt’s a huge waste of time, Dad,” he laughed when I objected. β€œI’m not learning a damn thing in the class.”

β€œWell, then you’re just going to have to take that class over again,” I snapped at him.

β€œWhat are you talking about?” he yelped.

β€œYou know why, Gabe,” I said. β€œThose who don’t learn from history are condemned to repeat it.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cja1968
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2020
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If I attached a watch to my belt....

It would be a waste of time.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/stupidsexyf1anders
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 11 2020
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Below the waste...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BrewsTravelers365
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17 2018
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So I can legit ride a unicycle. My mom told me it was a waste of time and would never get me anywhere in life....

I said β€œno mom! Where there’s a wheel, there’s a way!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 451
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/serion15
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 30 2018
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Cashier at Publix asked if we wanted the milk in a bag...

I told her to please leave it in the jug.

My wife eye-rolled SO hard and then apologized to the cashier :D

The cashier was laughing though, so I'll take the win.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 109
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LS-CRX
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 19 2020
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the title is here to waste time
πŸ‘οΈŽ 42
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GreenGamer7
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2019
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"Are those your pants, stumbling around by themselves and puking all over everything?"

"Yeah, they're my high/wasted jeans."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pj566
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 13 2020
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The 5 stages of butter
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thinkingamer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 16 2019
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