Welcome to Seasonal Pun Emporium!
We’ve got all wordplay for all your seasonal needs. You’ll have so much fun, you’ll never want to leaf. Do You want puns that really only work this time of year? We gautumn!
(Okay but actually those are my only two. In the spirit of fall disclosure).
I want to tell a vaccine joke
I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there
Do you want hair, with more volume?
My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Batman Forever on Netflix.
I said, “No, only for the next couple of hours.”
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...
Anyone want my old copies of Chiropractor Monthly ?
I have got loads of back issues.
I want to tell you about a girl that ate plants
but you've probably never heard of herbivore!!
Why did the 3 want to hook up with the other 3?
Because of the six appeal.
The wife and I have decided we don’t want kids
They’re not taking it very well
Dad to his son; “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?”
Son; “Go on, then.”
Dad growls; “NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”
Son; “That’s Superman.”
Dad; “Thanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
Before we left the restaurant, the waitress asked if we wanted a box for leftovers.
"No, I was hoping you'd just give them to us, for free."
You want some humantaschen?
My friend wanted to show me a dad joke on here
I just haven’t reddit yet
Edit: omg i never expected this to do so good, i usually get 3/4 upvotes, thank you all so much!!
Do you want to kear a joke about Potassium?
What does a Norse god do when they don’t want to attract attention?
They stay low key (Loki).
FIRST DATE: Her dad: "I want her home before midnight."
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."
Credit to u/psybermonkey15
What do ants take when they want to hallucinate ?
Want to know how dead you are ?
Just put a % sign after your age.
What do you type into a time machine if you want to go to Christmas?
Present Day.
I haven't tried it, but pretty sure it'll work.
Maybe carbon doesn't want to be a diamond
it's just pressured into it
If Volkswagen makes a luxury electric car I want it to be called
Why do teddy bears never want to eat?
Why they are always stuffed!
My dad constantly tells me I'll never amount to anything because I always procrastinate.
I'll show him. Just you wait.
Edit: Goodness, that blew up. My first awards, too!
I want to send out individual replies to thank everyone who gave me an award. I might do it later.
I can stop telling dad jokes anytime I want to!
But he really enjoys hearing them, so I don’t think I’ll quit just yet.
My daughter wanted to help me make some bread, so she offered to "proof" the dough for me.
"Really?"
"Sure," she said.
"It's the yeast I can do."
I personally want to see Radigascar
My son wanted to glue $20 bills to his belt
I told him that would just be a waist of money
I was thinking about this and wanted to share...
Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
I want to push you around, yeah I will. I want to push you down, yeah I will. I want to take you for granite, yeah yeah yeah...
Rob Thomas volunteers to help the wheel chair bound elderly remodel their kitchen.
Anyone want a free air guitar?
Got offered a voice-acting role in the new Emoji movie sequel. They want me to play the Poop Emoji. People say I should accept the role and be grateful, but I’m holding out for a classier part...
...I will not be deterred!!
I asked all the countries in the world if they wanted to throw a party. All of them told me they can't because of covid.
Only one was like "Yemen"
I always wanted to become a gregorian monk
But I never had the chants
Was in my local gardening centre looking at outdoor floor boards when the owner asked me if I wanted decking?
Luckily I got the first punch in.
Why do you want to sleep in the woods?
The clerk at the hardware store asked me how long I wanted my lumber
I told him I was planning on keeping it
I wanted to be more healthy so tried putting oat milk in my tea.
Why didn't anyone want to date Alexa ?
Because every time she smiled she had a bluetooth.
My wife said she wanted to have another baby after seeing my brother’s newborn.
I told her she’s ovaryacting.
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?”
I said, “Yes please.”
Waiter: “No problem sir. Today is special.”
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
Anyone want some old copies of Chiropractor Monthly ?
I’ve got loads of back issues.
Anybody want my old copies of Chiropractic Monthly?
I have lots of back issues
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing stuff from his highway maintenance job.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tearable.
" I want her home before before midnight."
Date : "But you already own her home"
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing street names right off the posts.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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