They saw the rating- only one star.
straightaway I knew he was a keeper
'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.
'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.
Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
There was just too much history between us.
It's Winter in a Walken Wonderland.
...is run by a bunch of has-beans.
They looked at the reviews first...... only 1 star
It was quite the Plot Twist
Everyone knows a panda eats shoots and leaves.
"This is where the Magna Carta was signed," said the tour guide, "One the most important documents in English History."
"When was it signed?" asked Paddy.
"1215," said the tour guide.
"OH NO!" said Paddy, "We missed it by 10 minutes!"
Doctor: What's the problem?
Me: I'm a moth.
Doctor: Excuse me?
Me: I'm a moth.
Doctor: Maybe you should see a psychiatrist not a dentist.
Me: I went to the psychiatrist about an hour ago.
Doctor: Then what are you doing here?
Me: Your light was on.
I enjoyed being enlightened
''bad reviews, only one star''they said.
"Doc, I haven't pooped in a week! Please help!"
Doc says sure, and writes him a prescription for a weeks worth of suppositories.
Man comes back the next day, "doc, I took the entire script last night, but nothing happened!"
The doc is shocked, as in his experience suppositories are very effective, and after taking a weeks worth he should have definitely had a BM. Oh well, the doc thinks, and gives him another weeks worth.
Guy comes back the next day. The doc says incredulously, "you've taken 2 weeks worth of suppositories in 2 days, and nothing happened?!?! What are you doing with them, eating them?!?!"
The man replies, "What'd you expect me to do with them, Shove 'em up my ass?!?!"
I don't know if this would normally be considered a dad joke, but it's my dad's favorite joke so I think it should count.
..it's really hard to find the happy Medium.
sixteenth chapel.
.. I've none atoll.
I told him they only do Caesar cuts.
We created our own joint account.
It's too high a price 'toupee.'
All their roads seem to have this weird design flaw.
I'm afraid she is addicted to crack.
There is a lot that I want to accomplish in The Mean Time!!
Don't worry--it's only tissue damage...
I told her that was quite coinciDENTAL.
Because he was out of alignment.
He doesn't know the area and gets himself lost. All he does know is that there are a lot of grizzly bears roaming around during the salmon spawn this time of year, so he's quite afraid to get out of his kayak.
The temperature starts to drop. He needs to stay warm, and decides to build a fire inside his little boat on the river.
He learnt a valuable lesson that night: you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Dora and Diego travel to the Pacific Northwest in the middle of winter. Suddenly they realise that there is a problem with their car, so they quickly pull into a nearby garage. The mechanic comes out and asks them "so what's wrong with your car?" Dora replies:
"Wiper no Wiping!!"
I had to climb out of the sunroof.
He now radiates happiness.
The graveyard people are just dying to go there
Sorry not a witty one-liner but peak of dad humor.
His father was a Carpainter
A woman comes home from the hypnotist and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies, "Dawn referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache.' It worked... The headaches are all gone."
The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "That was wonderful..."
The husband says, "Don't move... I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not
He was sailing for Indica
She said she’d Benin that part of the world before and she did not want Togo again. I was persistent about going so I left Sierra Alone.
It was a Shih Tzu
The plot thickens.
Because it only has one star
Doctors are calling it Munch housin’ syndrome.
To me, it just makes cents.
His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."
They said they were doing a vibe czech
Tooth-Hurty
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said.
Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'
So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.
I get cookies.
Yet none of them can fix his coffin.
I guess I have a Taipei personality.
I'll take itally.
He invited Lois Lane to visit. Her plane was late, and she called the house to ask directions. He answered and told her:
"Take the last train to Clark's villa, and I'll meet you at the station."
The kids will never play Monopoly with us again.
She’s dead and berried.
It was incredibull.
She always disappoints me.
Dissatisfied with the style of life that he found there, The Monk decides to move into a suburban neighborhood and start up his own line of work. Being trained in the peaceful ways he gets on very well with his neighbours who eventually notice that he has a very strange profession. Despite being very strong and very philosophical The Monk elects to repeatedly visit places with broken fences and remove and replace them.
One day has neighbour approaches him and asks, "with the physical strength and mental capacity that you seem to have, are you not interested in a more physically or mentally challenging job?"
To which The Monk replies, "but everybody knows reposting gives you the most karma."
Two Italian restaurants operated on the same street. The other chef was certain that the other one had stolen his recipes so he payed a visit at his competitor’s restaurant.
He got served with nice plate of spaghetti and the waitress said: “This full pl8, I’m sure you can appreci8. It’s so gr8. Now just dig in don’t hesit8, I sure you don’t want to w8”.
The chef looked at the waitress and asked: “Is that a copypasta?”
When Dermatologist finishes looking me over, he asks if anything strange was on my penis. ( I was wearing undies). I said " once in awhile the wife"
It was my wife’s 50th birthday so I took everyone to McDonalds. My wife said I’m officially the cheapest man alive but I’m not buying it.
The Purrsian Gulf
Life before that was a blur.
He visits ant infested houses, kills all the ants for free with the condition of keeping dead ants' heads to himself.
He is a Phil-ant-trophist.
All I did is "check mate".
Now Hell's inky
I guess you could say I was sleeveless in Seattle
I'm sure they'll do better next year.
I reminded her that I'm a guy.
That would make me uncle social.
He keeps a log book.
"Sense us."
I guess he had no balls.
A Claus call
He's in the bathroom a really long time. The nurse knocks on the door and asks him if he's okay. He responds "yes, I'm just passing the time."
to get stoned.
Because the recipe said "First, take a leek..."
The best American Presidents were stoned.
He was Putin on the Ritz.
They read the reviews... only one star
They looked at our reviews: only 1 star.
and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "Are you the friar'?" He replied "No, I'm the chip monk"
There was just too much history between us.
The looked at the reviews.....only 1 star
They checked the reviews................ only one star.
When they checked the reviews it only had 1 star.
Because we only have a one star review.
Bad reviews... only 1 star.
