Why havenβt aliens visited our Solar System yet?
They looked at the reviews... only 1 star
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︎ Feb 09 2021
I recently moved and my dad is visiting for the first time.
We were driving around town and I was pointing out to him all the happening spots when he casually said, "looks pretty dead in here."
I look over to see him gesturing towards the local graveyard...
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︎ Apr 19 2021
True story: many years ago I adopted a new dog. Took him to his first visit to the vet.
The lady at the vet: βwhatβs his name?β
Me: βThe shelter told me his name is Tobyβ
Her: βWell, what does he think his name is?β
Me: β........ Kunte Kinteβ
She didnβt get it. Once in a lifetime joke wasted.
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Italy is a boring place to visit
All you can do is rome around
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︎ Apr 04 2021
I visited a place with no internet
There was something amish
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︎ Apr 13 2021
True story: I was visiting my wife in the hospital but the room didn't have a bed to lay down in so I laid down on the floor since I was tired. The nurse came in and asked "having a good time down there"?
I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Why did the conductor visit Florida?
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︎ Mar 30 2021
I visited the birth place of the guy who invented the toothbrush.
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︎ Feb 01 2021
Correct me if Iβm wrong, but due to the ongoing pandemic, would it be smart to stay at least 6ft away from the chips and dip when visiting a Mexican restaurant?
You know, Salsa Distancing.
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︎ Feb 24 2021
What beach do zombies like to visit?
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︎ Feb 07 2021
When visiting France, one has to go to the structure that allows sufficient observation to discover more than enough to be satisfied.
Oui, a visit to the Eyeful Tower is always recommended when vacationing in France.
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︎ Mar 20 2021
When visiting Hawaii, you're not allowed to laugh out loud.
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︎ Dec 08 2020
I was considering visiting a local cidery this weekend...
Iβm not sure but Iβll have to mull it over
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︎ Mar 02 2021
I visited a monastery the other day and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "Are you the friar?"
He replied "No, I'm the chip monk..."
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︎ Dec 12 2020
What do you call second thoughts about plans to visit a Native American sanctuary?
A reservation reservation reservation
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︎ Feb 23 2021
I visited a sheep farm last week.
It wasnβt that baahhh-d.
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︎ Mar 01 2021
A gambler visited rain forests every day and ended up getting penile cancer
I guess he was hitting the wrong sloths
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︎ Feb 18 2021
What did Austin Powers say when he visited the apiary?
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︎ Feb 22 2021
When you visit Boston, what do the street magicians and fish wives have in common?
They will both insist that you βpick a codβ
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︎ Feb 12 2021
I met my boyfriend while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform...
straightaway I knew he was a keeper
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︎ Jun 09 2020
My Child's Paediatrician is usually a bit short tempered when we visit, but then again..
..She always had little patients.
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︎ Jan 23 2021
A guyβs Mom comes to visit him at his job at the aquarium where she finds him feeding a baby dolphin. She says look at you, you were smart. You could have had a real job, really done some good for the world. Her son snapped back,...
Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!
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︎ Feb 13 2021
Mrs Hamill was annoyed when her son and I paid her a surprise visit.
She was afraid I'd leave a Mark.
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︎ Feb 17 2021
Went to visit my grandpa's final resting place and he left a message for me on his tombstone. I couldn't make out what it was.
It was a very cryptic message.
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︎ Feb 08 2021
I once visited a country where a lot of people were called Yuri and it stank of pee.
It must have been the Yuri-nation.
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︎ Feb 13 2021
I just heard of an Alaskan who wants to visit Texas, but heβs afraid to...
...He suffers from claustrophobia
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︎ Feb 11 2021
My urologist and I kept joking around during my last visit.
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︎ Dec 21 2020
The family wanted to visit some caverns.
I didnβt want to go, but eventually I caved.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy
The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts
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︎ Nov 17 2020
I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips...
'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.
'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.
Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.
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︎ Jul 21 2020
When visiting Poland make sure you don't look faded.
You might run into the polish police.
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︎ Jan 16 2021
I was visiting my blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
She responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.Β
I said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'Β
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' she answered, βThey're watch dogs'!
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Why havenβt aliens visited us yet?
They saw the rating- only one star.
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︎ Nov 04 2020
An undercover cop visits a doctors surgery...
...he pretends to be a patient and when the doctor it's him down he says:
DR: how can I help?
Cop: Well I'm actually here because you're in trouble
DR: Don't worry sir, most men your age suffer urine trouble!
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︎ Jan 30 2021
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.
She said, βWhat would you do when you finally see it?β
I said, βIβll cross the bridge when I get there.β
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︎ Dec 06 2020
What did Huey Lewis say when he visited his chiropractor?
I need my hip to be square.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
What's the best time to visit a watchmaker?
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︎ Dec 27 2020
My friend convinced me to visit Karl Marxβs grave.
Turns out itβs just a communist plot.
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︎ Dec 06 2020
My Mexican Uncle Rito came to visit recently and said its freezing here.
I guess you can call him Burrrrr-rito
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︎ Dec 16 2020
Iβve started a new job repairing periscopes.
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︎ Mar 15 2021
Theseus briefly visited Crete
as part of his minor tour.
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︎ Nov 30 2020
After hearing about my history major, my dad said, βYou should go visit Italy in late August.β
..Then you can witness The Fall of Rome.
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︎ Dec 04 2020
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?
They looked at the reviews, but we only had one star
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︎ Feb 19 2021
Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?
They read the reviews... only one star
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︎ Sep 30 2020
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