Why haven’t aliens visited our Solar System yet?

They looked at the reviews... only 1 star

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Belpix0
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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I recently moved and my dad is visiting for the first time.

We were driving around town and I was pointing out to him all the happening spots when he casually said, "looks pretty dead in here."

I look over to see him gesturing towards the local graveyard...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/btcrav2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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True story: many years ago I adopted a new dog. Took him to his first visit to the vet.

The lady at the vet: β€œwhat’s his name?”

Me: β€œThe shelter told me his name is Toby”

Her: β€œWell, what does he think his name is?”

Me: β€œ........ Kunte Kinte”

She didn’t get it. Once in a lifetime joke wasted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/02K30C1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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Italy is a boring place to visit

All you can do is rome around

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Praisesamuel1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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I visited a place with no internet

There was something amish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skank_Magank
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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True story: I was visiting my wife in the hospital but the room didn't have a bed to lay down in so I laid down on the floor since I was tired. The nurse came in and asked "having a good time down there"?

I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fireburner80
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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Why did the conductor visit Florida?

For Spring Training!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andytheg
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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I visited the birth place of the guy who invented the toothbrush.

There's no plaque.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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Correct me if I’m wrong, but due to the ongoing pandemic, would it be smart to stay at least 6ft away from the chips and dip when visiting a Mexican restaurant?

You know, Salsa Distancing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaramelLow8561
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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What beach do zombies like to visit?

The Dead Sea!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oatli
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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When visiting France, one has to go to the structure that allows sufficient observation to discover more than enough to be satisfied.

Oui, a visit to the Eyeful Tower is always recommended when vacationing in France.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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When visiting Hawaii, you're not allowed to laugh out loud.

Only a low ha.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaceAltair
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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I was considering visiting a local cidery this weekend...

I’m not sure but I’ll have to mull it over

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NewtonsOrange
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
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I visited a monastery the other day and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "Are you the friar?"

He replied "No, I'm the chip monk..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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What do you call second thoughts about plans to visit a Native American sanctuary?

A reservation reservation reservation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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I visited a sheep farm last week.

It wasn’t that baahhh-d.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slapbracelet1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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A gambler visited rain forests every day and ended up getting penile cancer

I guess he was hitting the wrong sloths

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hadios10
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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What did Austin Powers say when he visited the apiary?

"Oh, beehive."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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When you visit Boston, what do the street magicians and fish wives have in common?

They will both insist that you β€œpick a cod”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brave_Samuel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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I met my boyfriend while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform...

straightaway I knew he was a keeper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/studentadvisor101
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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My Child's Paediatrician is usually a bit short tempered when we visit, but then again..

..She always had little patients.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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A guy’s Mom comes to visit him at his job at the aquarium where she finds him feeding a baby dolphin. She says look at you, you were smart. You could have had a real job, really done some good for the world. Her son snapped back,...

Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectOcoee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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Mrs Hamill was annoyed when her son and I paid her a surprise visit.

She was afraid I'd leave a Mark.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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Went to visit my grandpa's final resting place and he left a message for me on his tombstone. I couldn't make out what it was.

It was a very cryptic message.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlovenianHusky
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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I once visited a country where a lot of people were called Yuri and it stank of pee.

It must have been the Yuri-nation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbew_Mot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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I just heard of an Alaskan who wants to visit Texas, but he’s afraid to...

...He suffers from claustrophobia

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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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My urologist and I kept joking around during my last visit.

Finally he cut it out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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The family wanted to visit some caverns.

I didn’t want to go, but eventually I caved.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy

The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips...

'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.

'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.

Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aabesh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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When visiting Poland make sure you don't look faded.

You might run into the polish police.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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I was visiting my blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

She responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.Β  I said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'Β  'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' she answered, β€œThey're watch dogs'!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nandos677
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Why haven’t aliens visited us yet?

They saw the rating- only one star.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SZT2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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An undercover cop visits a doctors surgery...

...he pretends to be a patient and when the doctor it's him down he says:

DR: how can I help? Cop: Well I'm actually here because you're in trouble DR: Don't worry sir, most men your age suffer urine trouble!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dantr1x
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.

She said, β€œWhat would you do when you finally see it?”

I said, β€œI’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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What did Huey Lewis say when he visited his chiropractor?

I need my hip to be square.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Omelet_Oneill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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What's the best time to visit a watchmaker?

Four a'clock

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jurboa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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My friend convinced me to visit Karl Marx’s grave.

Turns out it’s just a communist plot.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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My Mexican Uncle Rito came to visit recently and said its freezing here.

I guess you can call him Burrrrr-rito

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmar4234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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I’ve started a new job repairing periscopes.

Things are looking up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Subhi-Ak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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Theseus briefly visited Crete

as part of his minor tour.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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After hearing about my history major, my dad said, β€œYou should go visit Italy in late August.”

..Then you can witness The Fall of Rome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.

Sadly, there was no plaque on it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?

They looked at the reviews, but we only had one star

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Termin201
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?

They read the reviews... only one star

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tawzeeh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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