The Franciscan priest left the monastery to start a flower shop, but before he could open, a flock of sheep in the village got loose and trampled him to death.

Only ewes can prevent florist friars.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/silverjaydog
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
The Village People are getting ready to host a party.

Nacho, nacho plan... they've gotta make a nacho plan.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/logansworth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I waited all afternoon to get my Covid vaccine in our small remote village, by the time it was my turn, they were administering them by candlelight...

I’m really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
of COURSE hp lovecraft chose a fishing village for a setting (innsmouth)

...the deep ones are also called the many-anglered ones, after all ;)

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Archeologists will be digging for a lost village near my home. I hope they find some signs of life.

Remains to be seen

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Its_J_Just_J
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the village where Hobbits live that isn’t as good as the Shire but they make really good sloppy joes?

Worcestershire

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tinygluesticks
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
In a village, far far away, two farmers often had a competition within themselves to see who harvests the most every 6 months.

After failing to win for about 9 times in a row, Jaime, hired a spy who will go and check Jack's harvest the night before the contest so he can harvest more. As the spy came back the night before, he informed the farmer Jaime about the amount that he saw inside Jack's yard but he was not able to tell the amount in exact. Jaime took the spy to his paddy field, gave him some extra money than what they initially agreed upon and said...

"You reap what you saw".

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MShafiSatthar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandfather claims that he had to walk 10 miles to bring water back to his village.

I think that’s a bit far fetched.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
This village on the way to Kazbegi, Georgia.
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaRoma
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a village of werewolves?

A lycan thorp.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Falkynbird
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A monster terrorized a village

He kept doing it ogre and ogre again

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itsyaboilmaoooo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Beastie Boys fan say when their idol Adam Yauch asked them what their favourite Village People song was?

"Why, MCA?"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vulfneck
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I live in a really horrible nasty village in between D Vil and F Vil

It's E Vil

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vanpaa
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I hired Emcee Adam Yauch for my kid’s birthday party but all he did was play the same Village People song over and over again.

WHYYYY MCA!!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
A Rabbi paid a visit to the village of "Trid," where they were being relentlessly kicked by an angry troll. The troll completely avoided the Rabbi, kicking only the locals. He finally approached the troll, and asked why.

The troll replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Couldbeurmom
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard a news story about a village where the citizens were dying of thirst,

I hope they get well soon

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AvaHorsie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Two vampire bats in a cave, one goes out in search of fresh blood in the local village, and comes back with a face covered in red blood. His friend says "what did you eat to get all that?" The first bat replies:

"You see that steeple on that church over there? Yeah, I hit it."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/palpameme_66
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Two thieves stole all of the roof tiles from the village church...

It was a separation of church and slate.

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KZedUK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
🚨︎ report
It takes an entire village to raise a single child

however, it only takes one pyromaniac child to raze an entire village

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoTheHoe2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Village Idiot Puns

Way back when I was a kid, for my school's Renaissance Faire-esque fundraiser, I went around wearing a sign that read "Vilage Idiot". When guests asked why, I'd reply, "I wasn't always the village idiot...

  • β€œI used to be a tailor... but it didn't quite suit me... It was only a so-so job.”
  • β€œI once was a lumberjack... but I couldn't hack it... so they gave me the axe.”
  • β€œI was a fisherman too... I just couldn't live off my net income.”
  • β€œI thought about being a witch for a spell.”
  • β€œI tried being a chef... but I just didn't have enough thyme for it.”
  • β€œI was a musician once... but I didn't accomplish anything noteworthy.”
  • β€œFor awhile I was a doctor... but I didn't have the patience to keep it up.”
  • β€œI once was a accountant... but I lost interest. The job was too taxing.”
  • β€œI tried moonlighting as a nun... but I confess, they didn't like my altar ego... or my bad habits.”
  • β€œMore recently, I was a baker... but I couldn't make enough dough at it... Guess I wasn't bred for the job.”
  • β€œHeck, I was even king for a day... but I didn't have any crowning achievements.”

...And so now, here I am: village idiot, just like my father was. Ah... my father, he was the best village idiot we ever had. It's hard living in his shadow sometimes. You see, my father was a complete idiot! ...I'm just a half-wit.”

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ason42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2016
🚨︎ report
There once was a boy that threatened the village

"I will blow up your water place!" He meant well.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I_press_keys
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2015
🚨︎ report
It takes a village to raise a child...

But only a child to raze a village.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xypok
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.