Verified Puns

So I had it placed in protective custardy

You never want to be surprised by a pie rate...arr!

You’re probably dyslexic

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*Results may vary

Incandescent.

Edit: Sorry you guys got downvoted to oblivion for loling.
This sub isn't listed as being for or against dogecoin tips, so here are some to make up for the downvotes. :)

I read license plate - "Where do you think he's from?"

Dad - "Well I think he's from Krypton."

I was grabbing dinner with a bud and we were talking about me heading to his place to do car work - I don't know how to change my oil nor have the space so I'm doing it at my buds place. The following conversation ensues after we verify plans to change my oil:

Bud: Oh, hey, do you know how to rotate your tires properly?

Me: I know you have to take them off then switch positions.

Bud: No, you jack the car up then spin them a bit!

Guffaws were had.

sidebar, to properly rotate tires, front tires go on opposite back tires and back tires go straight forward Front left goes back right, back right goes front right, etc.

The other day I was shopping with my friend and I saw that a bag of pears was $9 and decided that was too expensive. He told me that the price was for two bags and when I looked at the sign to verify, he pointed out that it was for a pear.

So I'm standing with my dad in the grocery line and he's paying with his credit card.

Cashier: May I have your signature sir? (To verify his credit identity).

Dad: Am I that famous?