What are you happy to lose the first time, but devastated to lose a second time?
Teeth
Note: I know. Not the usual pun seen in this sub-reddit. More of a dad riddle.
Now for my next trick... making your voice louder than usual
As a guitarist, I'm usually asked what's my favorite solo of all time.
It gets very hard to pick
I don’t usually brag about going to expensive places..
But I just left the gas station.
Doors usually aren't rude
but if you bump into one, it might start swinging.
I don’t usually tell dad jokes.
Because when I do, he never laughs!
Just a buffalo laying down, bisoness as usual.
It’s philosophy at a higher pitch than usual...
I usually don't care what other people are saying...
....until they start whispering.
"Daddy, you're swearing much more than usual."
No son!!! You're spending much more time with me. "
My Child's Paediatrician is usually a bit short tempered when we visit, but then again..
..She always had little patients.
This one usually works
Did this one on my friend, and she slapped me in the head.
Me: I got two jokes for you
Her: Okay, try it
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Her: Dunno
Me: To get to the house of the person who finally understood the joke
Her: I don't get it
Me: You don't? Isn't it obvious?
Her: No. I don't get it
Me: Okay okay, let me try the other joke
Her: Go ahead
Me: Knock Knock
Her: Who's there?
Me: The Chicken
Her *slap*
A bit later than usual, but here's Dadvent day 9!
Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross. “Something for this I have.” Yoda says.
He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.
He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.
When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.
“Something I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.
Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.
“That’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. “I’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”
So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.
He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.
“Master Yoda!” he asks. “What did I do wrong?”
Yoda replies sagely, “A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”
I usually think on my feet, but when a curse turned me into a cat,
People are usually shocked...
When they find out I'm not a good electrician
I don't usually make bread puns
They're always too crummy
My dad isn’t usually one full of dad jokes, but he hit me with a great one today.
For context, my dad had a leg amputation a few months back but he’s been in mostly good spirits about it. We were talking about places to eat in our area, and he asked where one of the fast food restaurants was around here, so I said “It’s at the intersection, where the IHOP is.”
Dad replied, “Oh, that’s my favorite place to get breakfast.”
I never got food with my dad at IHOP before so I was confused, but then it dawned on me what he meant. 😐
Dad initiation joke... When my wife and son were discharged by the hospital after he was born, they said we have to get a pediatric appointment within the next few days. They said they usually fit new borns in.
I said, they absolutely have space- he’s only 20 inches and 6 lbs. [holding my hands up showing how small he is].
I usually prefer electric appliances
But after seeing my dirty underwear I think I prefer my gas dryer.
Why can't bicycles usually stand on their own?
They're usually two tired
I usually stay out of politics, but - and this is a big but - ...
>!https://imgur.com/xDwJi0C!<
People are usually shocked that I have a Police record.
But I love their greatest hits!
My neighbors always play Lionel Richie very loudly and usually I don't mind.....
But yesterday it was All Night Long
How come melons don’t usually marry?
some honeys do, but most cantaloupe.
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
What time of the year is it usually fly or die for baby birds?
My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.
I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.
My downstairs neighbor complains that whenever I eat Doritos on my porch, it gets all over him on his patio. As usual, he's exaggerating.
He just has a chip on his shoulder.
Dad jokes usually involve puns!
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
In the old days, excessive use of commas was considered to be a serious crime.
It usually resulted in a long sentence.
I know senior year usually flies by.
Didn't think it would Zoom.
All these storms are hitting the Gulf Coast a lot quicker than usual.
Must be why they call them hurry-canes.
I tried to substitute eggroll skins instead of the usual for my fried Chinese dumplings. They tasted the same, but came out rectangular.
I guess it's back to square won.
While driving down in a part of town we don't usually visit, my 12yo son noticed and mentioned a barber shop named Roman Palace.
I told him they only do Caesar cuts.
Puns about the body are usually corny. But puns about the eyes are even
You know, I don't understand why so many people complain about acne. I mean, don't people usually have twoknee?
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I don’t usually make puns about dividing numbers...
But I will make one if I halve two.
I don’t usually go grocery shopping, so when my mom asked to buy lettuce, I had to tell myself to romaine calm
I don’t usually tell dad jokes.
But when I do, he laughs.
People are usually shocked that I have a police record.
But I love their Greatest hits !
So I asked my dad one day: “What’s a forklift?”
And he said “food usually”.
People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a very good electrician.
I don’t usually tell dad jokes.
But when I do, he doesn’t laugh.
I dont usually tell dad jokes, but when I do.
I don't usually tell dad jokes...
But when I do, he always laughs.
I don't usually share my dad jokes.
What jokes can I tell to someone that doesn't exist?
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