Usual suspects Puns

I will ask people where they like to get a good burger, usual suspects arise and I ask them if they've ever had 5 guys.

They'll respond oh yeah their burgers are great!

I'll respond with when was the last time you did 5 guys?

They'll say oh a couple weeks ago...

I'll say were you sore after?!? Then give it 3 seconds before they get it.

Daughter crying while I check her for the usual suspects (hungry, tired, dirty diaper) Wife: Did Layla poop? Me: No, just pee. Wife: Well would you like to sit in your own piss? Me: Depends.

and I noticed that her green underwear (usually reserved for certain times of the month) had been rinsed and thrown into the hamper. Suspecting she had been doing the Aztec two-step in the chocolate rain, I held up up the pair of panties and asked what color she thought her panties were. "I dunno...lime green?" she guessed. To which I responded, "Are you sure they're not shartreuse?"