and after a second, "For a moment there I thought it was the horse."
Because they take things literally
Kleptomaniacs don’t really understand puns ... they take everything literally.
Mom(butting in): I think it's a Word processor...
Keep in mind English is my mom's second language and used to not understand puns or dry humor at all. I want to say I'm proud but I'm not sure that's how it works..
It's pointless.
It makes me sound more photosynthesis.
I said, “That makes two of us.”
But someone else said it was 1 in 5. So which is it?
Do you think it's stumped?
Then I realised, it was on paws.
I think that's Booleshit.
He ate nothing but a hound dog.
Thank you, thank you very much.....
An octagon means stop, the triangle means slow down...
He said, "What do you mean by that?"
I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
I told her to get under it!
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
I said, “No, it’s as easy as 1,1,2,3.
It's pointless.
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
It's a total ripoff!
Oh, no, wait, she's back. She just went for groceries.
My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness" All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"
It just doesn’t add up.
I guess they just find them irrelephant.
It is breathtaking.
It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.
...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.
Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '
Thank you for the awards
New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
The Doctor told him it was a brief-case.
She looked me dead in the eye and said, “Window or aisle?” I laughed in her face and replied, “Window or you’ll what?”
Because they take things literally.
They take everything literally
Because they take things literally.
Me: That makes two of us.
They always take things, literally.
It just doesn’t add up
It just doesn't add up
“No, it’s easy as 1,1,2, 3.”
