A man walks into his doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter.”
The doctor looks at him and says, “Sorry, I don’t follow you."
Shamelessly stolen on twitter, no clue about who did that. I have to dig something here...
Twitter meme s t o l e n from facebook
Twitter has gone too far! Now they're banning Mario for threatening the President.
Evidently he found out that Trump was in Peach twice.
Twitter might ban you if you post a COVID joke.
But there is a 95% chance you won’t get it.
Even crime has time for puns (credit to the author, extrafabulouscomics)
You might not think engineers are brave...
But it took balls of steel to make the first bearings.
Bronnection.. found it on twitter
How I got blocked on Twitter
Girl: why does every reference of Steve Irwin make me cry?
Me: Does it makes you cry “crocodile tears?”
Why is it spelled "camouflage"...
I started a twitter account devoted to non-sequitors but had to shut it down
Fog
Found this on Twitter:
My pal, driving in fog, got pulled over. Cop says “What do we do when we encounter Mr Fog?”. My pal thinks “better humour him” so says “ We turn Mr Steering Wheel towards Mr Slow lane”. Cop says “No Sir, I said “What do we do when we encounter MIST OR FOG !”
YouTube, Twitter and Facebook are merging...
They’ll henceforth be known as YouTwitFace.
Tesla is making an electric lawnmower.
It's called E-Lawn.
Credit to @TeslaHype on Twitter
A man tells his doctor : "Doc, help me, I'm addicted to Twitter"
The doctor replies : "Sorry I don't follow you..."
Have you heard of the new travel sized chocolate truffles?
Pocket Lindts...
Credit: Twitter
of course no-one appreciated this on twitter
Mobile phones cause cancer...
When you are in charge of the twitter account during national battery day
let me tell you the twitter handle of a horror company out of this world
@mustfear
edit : thisnisna dad joke. not intended as an actual twitter handle search.
Finally some good fucking news.
At my bosses funeral leaning over his coffin
Who is thinking outside the box now?
Credits to Twitter @Dadsaysjokes
Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube are shutting down tonight at Midnight PMT due to COVID-19 pandemic
A very proactive step to reduce the likelihood of anything else going viral.
My friend in Germany says that there has been panic buying of sausages and cheese . . .
It's the Wurst Käse scenario
Credit: Twitter, Bruce Lawson (@brucel)
I’m at my school talent show and this guy said...
“before I start, I would like to check if my mic is working..”
“if your name is Michael, please stand up”
then a couple of guys stand up
and he goes
“that concludes my mike check”
(I saw this tweet and just had to share it!)
Click here for credit
There will be a baby boom in 9 months and
In 2033, we will witness the rise of "Quaranteens"
No matter how goth you are,
Melkor will always be Morgoth.
What's the difference between Twitter and Game of Thrones?
Twitter only allows 140 characters.
YouTube’s founder Twitter account:
1,920 Following 1,080 Followers
This is why I wood recommend Twitter
I got a new job monitoring someone’s twitter and Instagram messages
What is it called when a duck meets another duck?
Mr. Pickle has a decent following on twitter...
My drug dealer is hilarious He *cracks* me up
Follow me on twitter for more! 👉👈
Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
Doctor! Doctor! I'm addicted to Twitter.
Fog
Found this gem on Twitter:
My pal, driving in fog, got pulled over. Cop says “What do we do when we encounter Mr Fog?”. My pal thinks “better humour him” so says “ We turn Mr Steering Wheel towards Mr Slow lane”. Cop says “No Sir, I said “What do we do when we encounter MIST OR FOG !”
Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
