Somebody please write Mark Twain's biography and please title it either "Making a Mark" or "Unraveling Twain" I don't care which.
Choo Choo
I wasnβt impressed, much.
I guess you could say...
She don't impress ME much
Man, I feel like a woman!
They both die in the process.
His name is.....
Choo choo Twain!
Choo Choo, was born at 3:30pm today weighing 6lb 8oz.
UB40
Delirium Clemens
This is my 7th time quitting this week!
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
Nothing at all.
It was inclement weather
Because it's said that never the Twain shall meet
Me: "Have you seen Mark Twain's house? It's beautiful." Dad: "No. Have you seen Stevie Wonder's house?" Me: "No." Dad: "Neither has he."
- George Washwington
- Leonarcrow da Vinci
- Eagle Allen Poe
- Harry S. Toucan
- Teddy Dodosevelt
- Charles Duckens
- Octavian Owlgustus
- Flysaac Newton
- Benchicken Franklin
- Gullysses S. Grant
- Vincent Van Goose
- John Lhawk
- Charlecrane
- Pengthoven
- Nikquaila Tesla
- Jean-Jacques Roostsseau
- Charles Darwren
- Rheasus Christ
- Broodha
- King Loony XIV
- Nenepoleon Bonaparte
- Mahootma Gandhi
- Winstint Churchill
- Genghis Swan
- Pladove
- Aleggsander the Great
- Paul the Apostail
- Lark Twain
- Dante Aliturkey
- Michelangswallow
- Cardinal Marx
- Albatross Lincoln
- Robin E. Lee
- Adolf Swiftler
- Alextanager Hamilton
- Ibis Presley
- Ronald Raven
- Arnestotle
- Emuhammad
- Sir Francis Beakon
- Tchaikovskylark
- Christfowler Columbus
- Finchard Nixon
- Henry VIII
- Albert Einstork
- Thomas Jayfferson
- William Shrikespeare
- Woodcock Wilson
- King Chorioles I of England
- Johann Sebastian Flock
Edit: formatting
Shannara Twain
*That Donβt Impress-a me muchβ by Shania Twain
I was Twained right
Mark Twain
Choo Choo Twain
