I'm an assassin, but I consider myself a storyteller.

I specialize in surprise endings.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minas-Harad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2017
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Pizzeria joke and indian storyteller joke

These two were told by my grandfather a thousand times:

A man goes to a pizzeria and orders a small pizza. The waiter asks him: "Do you want that cut in six slices or eight?". The man replies "Six. I couldn't eat eight."

Some Indians were bored sitting around a campfire. One Indian speaks up. "Chief, tell us a story." So the chief begins: "Some Indians were bored sitting around a campfire..." [repeat until murdered by joke victims]

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ‘€︎ u/bagelmanb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2013
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I'm not a good storyteller so I'm sorry if the cadence is bad.

As a kid, I always used to yell "Have" (pronounced HAY-ve, like "glaive") at my dog if it was doing something bad. It was a shortened thing I picked up from my mom.

Anyways, I dad-joked a lady pretty good as she was walking by the house one day, after my dog ran out the gate and started jumping up trying to lick her face. She was laughing as I kept yelling, "Haveee! Haaaave!!" and said, "Is that your dog's name? Haive?"

To which I said, "No, but I want her to beHave."

...That was a good day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heretikos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2014
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The time my uncle convinced my brother he was growing horns.

I'm a shit storyteller, so I'll just keep it short.

My uncle caught my brother in a very obvious lie, and he decided to have a little bit of fun; He told my brother his horns would grow every time he'd lie (like pinocchio's nose). The best part? Later, my dad saw my brother looking in the mirror, checking for horns.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkOtter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
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I was talking about what I learned in history class today...

My dad said: "I'm glad you're liking history, but don't go into it for a living. I hear the field has no future."

(It was funny, I swear. I'm just a bad storyteller.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cntrl_alt_dlt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
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After I bored her with one of my longwinded tales...

FiancΓ©e: You just love telling stories don't you? You're such a storyteller. I bet if you found a piece of string laying on the ground you'd tell me a story about that too.

Me: You're right, if I found a string on the ground I'd probably spin quite the yarn.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/cheevocabra
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2013
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