Did you hear about the tragedy at the inaugural Leper hockey game?

It started right away with a face off

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2022
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There is a radio station where they announce the newest tragedies from around the world.

It's called Devastation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ironsword2316
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2022
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A tragedy
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2022
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The Sinking of the Titanic: A Global Tragedy

Around 1910, a French chef did a series of reckless experiments with boiled egg whites and other items, thus accidentally creating a new condiment. He named it after his hometown, and so the new confection became known as mayonnaise.

One of the first fans of the new confection was Mexico’s ambassador to France, who wrote home about this marvelous new product, and so an enormous demand for mayonnaise developed across Mexico. But the demand could not be met; the chef refused to share the recipe with anyone, and the logistics of keeping the product cold while in transit from France to any part of Mexico proved very difficult.

An especially ambitious entrepreneur named Julio Gomez offered a solution: instead of sailing from France directly to Mexico, through the warm waters where the unrefrigerated mayonnaise would likely spoil, it could be shipped from France to the northern United States, a voyage that would be much colder and therefore preserve the mayonnaise much better. Once unloaded in New York, it would only need a few days to reach Mexico by train, and so Gomez arranged for special refrigerated rail cars to transport it.

The financial and logistical difficulties of this shipping method were daunting, but Gomez was more than equal to the task. He had hoped to begin the shipping in late 1911 to take advantage of the cold weather, but what with one thing and another he was forced to delay until the following spring.

But April in the North Atlantic is still cold enough, and so Gomez went ahead with his plan. He secured his supply of mayonnaise in Paris, and got it to Liverpool in record time. From there he managed to get it into the cargo of a passenger liner that was leaving for New York that very day, and arranged for the rail cars to meet the shipment in New York. Word of this development reached Mexico, where it was received with great joy and anticipation.

Much to Gomez’s misfortune, the ship in question was none other than the Titanic. The importation scheme was a total loss, and no further attempt to import mayonnaise to Mexico was made for decades after.

Due to the rushed and chaotic nature of Gomez’s operation, it took some weeks to confirm that his cargo of mayonnaise had been on the Titanic. Once the news was confirmed, Mexico’s hopes were crushed and there was a period of low-key national mourning.

The tragic loss of the Titanic shocked and saddened people all over the world. Mass funerals for the dead passengers were held in New York, L

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2022
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Puttin'lot of effort
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lust2know
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2022
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Do you know why necromancers are such great friends to have?

They always know how to raise someone's spirit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRuneDragon1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2022
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A car crash is a tragedy, but pileup is a statistic

Joseph Stall in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dark_Leome
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2022
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How much are dead batteries worth?

They're free of charge

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanOfAllTrades80
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2022
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How do you ride a grieving horse?

With a sad-dle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Iubris
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2022
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During β€œThe Blip” in the MCU, a lot of people gathered on a particular social media app to discuss the tragedy that Thanos had caused.

They used Snapchat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peregrine_c
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2021
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Someone has ripped the front and back pages of my dictionary out.

It just goes from Bad to Worse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2022
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Did you hear about what happened in the park the other day? The news is calling it a tragedy.

A peanut was just minding his own business

He was a salted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leprokracken
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2021
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An Italian Tragedy

β€œDoctore, all five of my bambinos! They have the no ambition! They all want to be valets when they grows up, jus’ like their lazy father! Can you do anything?”

β€œI’m afraid it is hopeless, Senora Abatangelo. It is the worst case of parking son’s disease I have ever seen.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Personal_Lack7761
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2021
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What makes a good step-dad joke?

Same thing as a dad joke, you just take it a step father.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mumbles_Stiltskin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2022
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My friend couldn't decide to buy barns and silos or a factory. Then tragedy struck.

He bought the farm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
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The Titanic II is a modern-day replica of the RMS Titanic and is scheduled to set sail in 2022. It's creators do not believe it will relive the tragedy of it's predecessor because

that was an ice-olated incident.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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I went to the library and said I would like a book by Shakespeare. The librarian asked which one.

I replied William.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heyandy1
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2022
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People have been worried that robots might take away their jobs for ages now.

But so far, creative types haven’t felt cause to be threatened. Well, I hate to break it to you, but robots should and will be doing stand up soon. Human comics are great and all, but robots are far superior. Why? Human beings don’t devote their whole selves to the pursuit of comedy. They have their minds occupied by the various quiet tragedies of life, but robots…

Robots only think in bits.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeevesfan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2022
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I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing,

but when I got home, the signs were all there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raydenx1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2022
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Shocking!!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2021
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30 cows died in the farm explosion...

It was an udder tragedy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SatisfactoryGrape
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2022
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Long story about a tragedy that once happened to me.

A couple of years ago, one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the porch out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let' just say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.

Joseph had gotten big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend

Apparently they'd bonded during the time after his injuries, and eloped together , left me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.

In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mickerallen100
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:

"Achoo, Brute?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RampantSavagery
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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NBC is developing a TV series called Avoidable Airline Tragedies.

They just shot the pilot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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JFK Tragedy Bonding with my dad just now
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Topsiders
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2013
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What's called when a battery gets hurt?

AA tragedy

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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Baby seal walks into a club

What a tragedy...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheProffalken
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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An American man went to Germany for a vacation.

As he arrived, he decided to go fishing, so he did. But tragedy struck and his boat hit a rock, making a hole. The man, as anyone would do, called the coast guard and yelled "IM SINKING IM SINKING!"

the German Coast Guard casually replied, "what are you sinking about?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pidgeon-eater-69
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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I really like these books

In the woods by Teresa Green And Cliff tragedy by Eileen Dover

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wolfie979
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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My battery died yesterday

It was AA tragedy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Privilege2016
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?

Real tragedy. Over 100 soles were lost.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
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I told my friend I was writing a screenplay.

I told my friend I was writing a tragedy. He said "Oh, it can't be that bad."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ozmozez
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2015
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Dad Joke From One Dad To Another

I'm a dad, and I told my dad this, so I think it counts. It got a lot of groans, so I think it's great, if a bit long.


I once lived near a small, simple town where there lived named Hugh.

Hugh was a very smart man stricken with a series of personal tragedies earlier in his life. As a result, he moved to this small town and took a job in his local florist shop, relaxing the days away arranging flowers and trying not to think of times past. Hugh grew to love working there.

One day, a disaster struck the town. A small, single engine airplane crashed a block from Hugh's shop, killing those on the plane and setting fire to several buildings, both occupied and empty.

The impact ruptured a gas line, which ultimately exploded, creating a shock wave that caused part of the building next to the florist shop to collapse and trap several of Hugh's customers and co-workers inside. The situation was desperate, as the shop would be burned to the ground at any moment.

Acting quickly, Hugh located the gas main, shutting it down. Next, Hugh noticed a water storage tank nearby, and opened a release valve that suffocated the fire before it reached his beloved shop.

With the fire out, and the florist shop saved along with those trapped inside, Hugh was a hero. The town presented him with a plaque in honor of his courageous deeds. On this plaque was a detailed etching of a bear, and Hugh was touched because he loved bears. But it was the words etched beneath that truly touched him.

"Only Hugh could prevent florist fires."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Primatebuddy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2015
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While making dinner one night...

My dad pulls out the mayo for the potato salad and says, "You know, mayo was very important to the Mexicans. They had this really fancy mayo that they sent out on The Titanic as a gift to the King of France. However, when the ship sunk, the mayo was lost. This was a national tragedy, so the Mexicans made a holiday for it - Sinko de Mayo".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DerpyDash13
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2014
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Eating Chinese food.

After we finished our meal, dad grabs a fortune cookie and proclaims "It's gonna be my lucky day! My fortune is going to be the winning lottery numbers!" opens cookie -life is a tragedy...-

Laughter ensues.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlkalineThrone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2013
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