Townless Puns

The sun rises. Although you can't see it above the ominous clouds. A dull, subdued light filters through to the ground beneath.

Some of your think you can hear an odd noise... You can't pin down what it is though.

It might be flies from the corpses though.

/u/tortillatime is font on their front doorstep. A hole in their head, a ring of keys in their hand. A large brown overcoat covering most of them and a fedora covering most of what isn't covered by that.

/u/tortillatime is dead. They were the Private Investigator. They have lost.

It's a bad day for the reputation of doors and their immediate surroundings. /u/Broken_Alethiometer is found just inside their door. A bullet through the head. There's a lot of religious artefacts around the house. It seems someone was preparing a ceremony of some kind.

/u/Broken_Alethiometer is dead. They were the Priest.

The next scene is rather grizzly. In Rushelers550's house, there's not one but two deaths. /u/Rushelers550 themselves is on the bed. A bullet through their head, and through the bed and probably some of the floor underneath. Next to the bed is a noose, strung expertly to the ceiling. /u/Panda_God is hanging from it.

/u/Rushelers550 is dead. They were the Lynchaholic.

/u/Panda_God is dead. They were the Guardian. They have lost.

At this rate, everyone might be wiped out before you even have to worry about those ominous clouds...

Noticeboard

(There's nothing here.)

Alive

• /u/redpoemage
• /u/80_percent_cooler
• /u/bluepoemage
• /u/Carbon_Dirt
• /u/Brega
• /u/Scum42
• /u/Generic_Builder
• /u/FUS_ROH_yay
• /u/WargRider23
• /u/Marioaddict
• /u/Meno_Self
• /u/CynicalWhovian
• /u/Vaharas

Dead

• /u/Broken_Alethiometer - Priest - Killed night two
• /u/Rushelers550 - Lynchaholic - Killed night two

Lost

• /u/FTEcho4 - First Aid Instructor - Lynched day one
• /u/ToyaKano - Fresh Start Club Owner - Killed night one
• /u/ArchmageLudicrous - Recluse - Lynched day two
• /u/rcxdude - Martyr - Killed day two
• /u/tortillatime - Private Investigator - Killed night two
• /u/Panda_God - Guardian - killed night two

Lay waste to all who oppose you

It is now Day Three. There are 13 alive players. Day ends [11PM GMT Tuesday 10th](http://www.timeanddate.com/countdown/to?iso=20150310T23&p0=1440&msg=Day+Three

I had a crazy idea for a Mafia game again.

Setup Information

This game has a gimmick. It should be obvious. If it isn't obvious to you then here it is: there's no town. So no-one's goal is going to be 'eliminate the Mafia', but you might still want to eliminate them because they have a nasty habit of killing people before they can achieve their victory condition. Or maybe they can help you?

Will that work? Well maybe it won't. This is EXPERIMENTAL.

Despite being experimental, by my judgement this is NOT BASTARD.

Another thing; the Mafia will be smaller than usual to make up for the fact that no-one is explicitly against them.

Quick Info

PMs, Novelties, and talking after death are all allowed, nay encouraged.

Time delayed messaging (in any form), and screenshoting or direct quoting mod PMs are not.

The Town Noticeboard will be running. Anyone can post to the town noticeboard and have their message appear at the start of the next phase.

Roles are revealed upon death.

Some roles may be specifically designed to be against each other. Others may benefit from working together.

Lynching works by the 'normal' method. There is no hammering, when time runs out the person with the most votes will be lynched. If there is a tie there will be a brief run-off vote during the first 24 hours of night.

Players that have won or lost do not count towards Mafia domination.

I'm going say I need at least 12 people to run. No maximum and the more people the more of my crazy role ideas I can get away with. I'm aiming for about 20 though, but I'd be lucky. If I do get 20 (Or more!) I'll ask for a co-mod. Update: Have got 20! Am looking for a co-mod!

Players (21)

• /u/redpoemage
• /u/rcxdude
• /u/80_percent_cooler
• /u/ArchmageLudicrous
• /u/bluepoemage
• /u/FTEcho4
• /u/Carbon_Dirt
• /u/Brega
• /u/ToyaKano
• /u/Scum42
• /u/Generic_Builder
• /u/FUS_ROH_yay
• /u/WargRider23
• /u/Marioaddict
• /u/Meno_Self
• /u/CynicalWhovian
• /u/Vaharas
• /u/tortillatime
• /u/Broken_Alethiometer
• /u/Panda_God
• /u/Rushelers550

If someone is booted out of the game (Most likely for inactivity) you'll be called upon to replace them. This means you probably won't get to play. So I'd sign up as a Player if I were you.

Backups (1)

• /u/ipretendiamacat

Sign ups ~~end [Midnight GMT, Saturday 21st February](http://www.timeanddate.com/countdown/to?iso=20150221T00&p0=1440&msg=Sign+Ups+E

Despite what most stories may have you believe, the line between good and evil is awfully blurred. It's not two sides of the same coin, but a spectrum containing all the various shades of good, bad, and something in-between.

Some believe in karma. Some believe that if you are good, good things will happen to you, if you are bad, bad things will happen to you. This is nonsense of course. Everything happens for a reason, and that reason is that someone caused it. That doesn't change of course that doing bad things makes you a bad person.

45 YEARS AGO

The Enola Gay flies over Japan...

28 YEARS AGO

Missiles are deployed in Cuba...

3 YEARS AGO

Russian nuclear stockpiles reach 40,000 warheads, and carries on growing...

2 WEEKS AGO

BBC Radio 4 reports...

> It seems global tensions are much higher then they were this time last week...

2 DAYS AGO

The United States of America declares DEFCON 1.

YESTERDAY

Mutually assured destruction.

TODAY

This place has no name. It was never a town. It was a group of homesteads founded by pioneers shortly after the homesteads act of 1862. The type of place where people get annoyed if their nearest neighbour is less than 2 miles away.

The nearest warhead fell a good 100 miles from here. Even so, the effects are still being felt here. They'll only worsen as times passes as the radiation spreads.

One thing's for sure. The End is coming.

Important Information

Hello! Welcome to Townless Mafia. As you can tell from the above flavour, nukes have fallen and society has collapsed. We're off to a good start.

We, (Co-mods /u/Jibodeah and /u/bitoku_no_ookami, and friendly neighborhood NPC /u/Balinares) have devised an interesting setup in place of the normal Town v Mafia thing. So here's some gameplay mechanics you should be aware of.

Karma

Every action has a consequence of sorts. Doing certain things (Lynching people, killing people, doctoring people) will give you good or bad karma. Most of the time it depends on who you do it to. (Are you helping or hindering a good or evil player?)

There are no limits to how good or evil you can become.

You are informed of your starting karma group (Evil, Neutral, or Good), and, when you cross a threshold, are informed of your new karma group the start of the following day phase.

Please note that being

No-one's quite sure how a Mafia survived the apocalypse, but you can imagine they'd be quite overjoyed at the lack of a police force. Or would be. If all but one weren't dead. Soon they will all be dead, and they can raid the town in the sky. Or the town down below, depends on their karma.

/u/WargRider23 accepted their fate this morning. The events that transpired are hardly a surprise. Unfortunate, but not a surprise.

CRACK!

/u/WargRider23 has been lynched. They were a Mafia Goon.

/u/bluepoemage dances with joy, and runs off shouting "That'll teach 'em not to steal my ma's pie!"

/u/bluepoemage, the Grudge Holder, has won!

Being part of the lynch of an evil one brings joy to the hearts of some. /u/Scum42 in particular seems to feel quite good about themself.

The Mafia have been eliminated!

/u/FUS_ROH_yay, /u/redpoemage, /u/WargRider23, and /u/CynicalWhovian have all lost.

A few people want to celebrate the elimination of the Mafia. It's one less group trying to kill people at least.

Unfortunately something worse has arrived to replace them.

It looks like dirty snow at first. Blotched a deep gray like the clouds its falling from. It falls lightly at first, but quickly becomes a storm. It doesn't take long to realise that this is not snow. This is ash.

Even worse, this is radioactive ash.

The people run for cover. Breathing in normal ash is dangerous, breathing in radioactive ash, having a radiation source inside your body, is multiple times worse... and that infernal clicking won't stop...

There seems to be an earthquake starting up too.

Watching from the cover of the nearest house, the people watch, startled, as demons rise up from cracks in the earth while angels descend in beams of light from above. The mottled grey clouds turn a nasty shade of red as the demons bring up fire and brimstone from down below, while holy yellow beams strike down from above, directed by the angels.

*You've lived through one apocalypse, but that happened far away, explosions followed by radio silence. Following by nothing. No signs that anything lives outside of this little patch of earth. If this is happening here, maybe there is no-one else. A crushing sense of isolation falls on the remaining people, pressed against the wall of a house. Is there no-one el

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

[Removed]

There hasn't been a post all year!

Clouds circle the horizon. There seems to be an odd tint to them.

The wind is picking up as well.

Soon the clouds will close in. Taking away the warmth of the sun...

/u/ToyaKano is found in their bathroom. A bullet hole through the window and through their head.

/u/ToyaKano is dead. They were the Fresh Start Club Owner. They have lost.

Noticeboard

> Rcx Is the bomb dot com :P

Alive

• /u/redpoemage
• /u/rcxdude
• /u/80_percent_cooler
• /u/ArchmageLudicrous
• /u/bluepoemage
• /u/Carbon_Dirt
• /u/Brega
• /u/Scum42
• /u/Generic_Builder
• /u/FUS_ROH_yay
• /u/WargRider23
• /u/Marioaddict
• /u/Meno_Self
• /u/CynicalWhovian
• /u/Vaharas
• /u/tortillatime
• /u/Broken_Alethiometer
• /u/Panda_God
• /u/Rushelers550

Lost

• /u/FTEcho4 - First Aid Instructor - Lynched day one
• /u/ToyaKano - Fresh Start Club Owner - Killed night one

Spin the wheel of destiny

It is now Day Two. There are 19 alive players. Day ends 11PM GMT Friday 6th.

All the Night Results have been sent out! If you're missing yours, PM me and I'll resend it.

The clouds are closing in. The sun'll be gone soon. Will it go before you do though?

There's an odd sound around. No-one can tell where it's coming from.

It looks like /u/FUS_ROH_yay took a nap in their armchair but never got up. That or they were shot between the eyes.

/u/FUS_ROH_yay is dead. They were the Mafia Godfather.

/u/Meno_Self is slumped over some weird occult stuff. There's a lot of red. Most of it blood. It's not all Meno's either...

/u/Meno_Self is dead. They were the Minion of Darkness.

Somewhere, somehow, the spirit of /u/Rushelers550, who's late, cries out in despair at the lack of lynching yesterday.

/u/Rushelers550 has lost.

Noticeboard

> Firework show tonight! Money back guarantee in case of unexpected delay. Free tickets for one lucky individual. Bring friends and family out for a good time!

Alive

• /u/redpoemage
• /u/80_percent_cooler
• /u/bluepoemage
• /u/Carbon_Dirt
• /u/Scum42
• /u/Generic_Builder
• /u/WargRider23
• /u/Marioaddict
• /u/CynicalWhovian
• /u/Vaharas

Dead

• /u/Broken_Alethiometer - Priest - Killed night two
• /u/FUS_ROH_yay - Mafia Godfather - Killed night three
• /u/Meno_Self - Minion of Darkness - Killed night three

Won

• /u/Brega - Exequiphobiac - Won day three

Lost

• /u/FTEcho4 - First Aid Instructor - Lynched day one
• /u/ToyaKano - Fresh Start Club Owner - Killed night one
• /u/ArchmageLudicrous - Recluse - Lynched day two
• /u/rcxdude - Martyr - Killed day two
• /u/tortillatime - Private Investigator - Killed night two
• /u/Panda_God - Guardian - killed night two
• /u/Rushelers550 - Lynchaholic - Killed night two, lost day three

Revel in the power of darkness

Two prayers for the lost

It is now Day Four. Day ends 11PM GMT Friday 13th.

It seems that this place has become home to an interesting set of individuals, as the locals grudgingly introduce themselves to the people their lives may depend on as the situation worsens.

The general consensus seems to be that you'd rather you didn't have to depend on /u/FTEcho4 as a rabble grows around them.

FTEcho4 finds themselves tied and gagged, then dragged far away and left to rot out in the wilderness.

/u/FTEcho4 has been lynched. They were the First Aid Instructor. They have lost.

Noticeboard

> Feel the pone staring into your soul http://i.imgur.com/mXg967b.jpg

 

> Currently setting up shop and gathering supplies. Business shall commence on day two- the Information Broker

Note

I feel the need to add another rule explicitly.

No talking meaningfully when dead/lost/won, even via novelties. Dead Mafia members are an exception, they may continue to talk privately to fellow Mafia.

Alive

• /u/redpoemage
• /u/rcxdude
• /u/80_percent_cooler
• /u/ArchmageLudicrous
• /u/bluepoemage
• /u/Carbon_Dirt
• /u/Brega
• /u/ToyaKano
• /u/Scum42
• /u/Generic_Builder
• /u/FUS_ROH_yay
• /u/WargRider23
• /u/Marioaddict
• /u/Meno_Self
• /u/CynicalWhovian
• /u/Vaharas
• /u/tortillatime
• /u/Broken_Alethiometer
• /u/Panda_God
• /u/Rushelers550

Lost

• /u/FTEcho4 - First Aid Instructor - Lynched day one

May you find all you have lost

It is now Night One. Night ends 11PM GMT Wednesday 4th. Send in your night actions before then.

The sky is overcast, completely covered with a thick grey mass. The light filtering through is dulled and subdued.

The nightly murders though, are definitely not dulled and subdued.

/u/redpoemage is found inside their house, in view of the door, and in few of what seems to be a newly smashed window.

/u/redpoemage is dead. They were the Mafia Psychiatrist.

/u/Carbon_Dirt is found in their bed. A bullet through the head. With the amount of guns in their house whoever did may have not even come with a gun.

/u/Carbon_Dirt is dead. They were the Gunsmith, they have lost.

/u/CynicalWhovian is found lying in their own doorway. Like someone was waiting for them to get home... There was a gun in their hand.

/u/CynicalWhovian is dead. They were the Wannabe Goon.

Noticeboard

> I meant to do this at the end of PokéMafia, but here's what I drew on ipretendiamacat's face in that game. Guess why and you get a present.

 

> Perhaps pone will give new life to the noticeboard

 

> Last chance to align with us and avoid death if we have not already won

> ComChannel

Alive

• /u/bluepoemage
• /u/Scum42
• /u/Generic_Builder
• /u/WargRider23
• /u/Marioaddict
• /u/Vaharas

Dead

• /u/Broken_Alethiometer - Priest - Killed night two
• /u/FUS_ROH_yay - Mafia Godfather - Killed night three
• /u/Meno_Self - Minion of Darkness - Killed night three
• /u/redpoemage - Mafia Psychiatrist - Killed night four
• /u/CynicalWhovian - Wannabe Goon - Killed night four

Won

• /u/Brega - Exequiphobiac - Won day three

Lost

• /u/FTEcho4 - First Aid Instructor - Lynched day one
• /u/ToyaKano - Fresh Start Club Owner - Killed night one
• /u/ArchmageLudicrous - Recluse - Lynched day two
• /u/rcxdude - Martyr - Killed day two
• /u/tortillatime - Private Investigator - Killed night two
• /u/Panda_God - Guardian - killed night two
• /u/Rushelers550 - Lynchaholic - Killed night two, lost day three
• /u/80_percent_cooler - Mad Bomber - Lynched day four
• /u/Carbon_Dirt - Gunsmith - Killed night four

May your power bring rage

It is now Day Five. Day ends 11PM GMT Monday 16th.

[](#PMPI;["bluepoemage","scum42

Perhaps the weighty cost of the previous night hung low on the conciousness of the folk. Perhaps they just didn't have any better ideas. Either way, it is decided that there will be no lynch today.

A cheer comes from /u/Brega, they mumble something about how the world may not be a slave to the noose after all, and collapse into a contented heap.

/u/Brega has won. They were the Exequiphobiac.

With the horrors of recent wars and nuclear detonations, it seems that this may finally be a peaceful night.

BOOM!

Or not.

...Or maybe yes?

A headcount is taken of the remaining people. There was definitely an explosion, a small crater can be seen, but everyone seems to be accounted for. No-one looks like they have so much as a scorch mark. Maybe it was a dud? It sounded very real though. Maybe you're hearing things. Maybe it's post traumatic stress from the apocalypse.

Nothing else seems to happen, so the people start their long walks home.

Noticeboard

There's nothing here.

Alive

• /u/redpoemage
• /u/80_percent_cooler
• /u/bluepoemage
• /u/Carbon_Dirt
• /u/Scum42
• /u/Generic_Builder
• /u/FUS_ROH_yay
• /u/WargRider23
• /u/Marioaddict
• /u/Meno_Self
• /u/CynicalWhovian
• /u/Vaharas

Dead

• /u/Broken_Alethiometer - Priest - Killed night two
• /u/Rushelers550 - Lynchaholic - Killed night two

Won

• /u/Brega - Exequiphobiac - Won day three

Lost

• /u/FTEcho4 - First Aid Instructor - Lynched day one
• /u/ToyaKano - Fresh Start Club Owner - Killed night one
• /u/ArchmageLudicrous - Recluse - Lynched day two
• /u/rcxdude - Martyr - Killed day two
• /u/tortillatime - Private Investigator - Killed night two
• /u/Panda_God - Guardian - killed night two

It is now Night Three. Night ends 11PM GMT Wednesday 11th.

Leaving people out to die in the wilderness is rather savage. So some of you have taken it upon yourselves to build a proper gallows. It's still murder, but at least it's quicker.

/u/ArchmageLudricous who seems to be hiding in his house, has to be forcibly dragged out by several of you. He keeps looking at the ground, avoiding eye contact. The noose is put around his neck...

CRACK

/u/ArchmageLudricous has been lynched. They were the Recluse, they have lost.

The commotion for the day seems to be over, the people starting the long treks home before the sun sets. When, without warning...

BOOM!

You look around, startled. A dust cloud is rising and there's some tattered clothing and a smoking pair of boots that seems to be all that is left of /u/rcxdude.

/u/rcxdude is dead. They were the Martyr, they have lost.

Noticeboard

There doesn't seem to be anything here.

Alive

• /u/redpoemage
• /u/80_percent_cooler
• /u/bluepoemage
• /u/Carbon_Dirt
• /u/Brega
• /u/Scum42
• /u/Generic_Builder
• /u/FUS_ROH_yay
• /u/WargRider23
• /u/Marioaddict
• /u/Meno_Self
• /u/CynicalWhovian
• /u/Vaharas
• /u/tortillatime
• /u/Broken_Alethiometer
• /u/Panda_God
• /u/Rushelers550

Lost

• /u/FTEcho4 - First Aid Instructor - Lynched day one
• /u/ToyaKano - Fresh Start Club Owner - Killed night one
• /u/ArchmageLudicrous - Recluse - Lynched day two
• /u/rcxdude - Martyr - Killed day two

Destruction brings creation

It is now Night Two. Night ends 11PM GMT Saturday 7th. Send in your night actions before then.

Accused of being an explosion-thirsty murderous maniac, /u/80_percent_cooler is pushed towards the noose. There aren't many things that can band this place together. But an explosion-thirsty maniac is one of them. Maybe the impending disaster is another?

80% kicks and struggles a lot, but most people being lynched do that. (It's actually worrying when they don't.) The noose is put around their neck...

CRACK

Before heading to their respective homesteads, the people decide to explore the late 80%'s house too see if he really was an explosion-thirsty murderous maniac.

The house is in somewhat ill repair, there's a dart board with a newspaper cutting of a map of the local area stuck to it. With many dart pricks in. There's also some secret underground lab with lots of chemicals and an awful lot of warning signs.

Almost on cue, an explosion is heard in the distance. The Mad Bomber's last laugh?

...No, it seems everyone's fine. Another dud or something.

/u/80_percent_cooler has been lynched. They were the Mad Bomber, they have lost.

"Hey, why didn't we search their house before lynching them?"

"Shut up that's why."

Noticeboard

A small chunk has fallen out of one corner of the noticeboard. Maybe it was committing suicide.

Alive

• /u/redpoemage
• /u/bluepoemage
• /u/Carbon_Dirt
• /u/Scum42
• /u/Generic_Builder
• /u/WargRider23
• /u/Marioaddict
• /u/CynicalWhovian
• /u/Vaharas

Dead

• /u/Broken_Alethiometer - Priest - Killed night two
• /u/FUS_ROH_yay - Mafia Godfather - Killed night three
• /u/Meno_Self - Minion of Darkness - Killed night three

Won

• /u/Brega - Exequiphobiac - Won day three

Lost

• /u/FTEcho4 - First Aid Instructor - Lynched day one
• /u/ToyaKano - Fresh Start Club Owner - Killed night one
• /u/ArchmageLudicrous - Recluse - Lynched day two
• /u/rcxdude - Martyr - Killed day two
• /u/tortillatime - Private Investigator - Killed night two
• /u/Panda_God - Guardian - killed night two
• /u/Rushelers550 - Lynchaholic - Killed night two, lost day three
• /u/80_percent_cooler - Mad Bomber - Lynched day four

There seems to be a large amount of shady fedora clad figures about... Whoever they are they're getting close.

[May you find enlightenment](http://i.imgur.com/W