“Those are just contractions.”
Me: Daddy I’m thirsty!
My dad: Hi thirsty I’m Fridy lets go Saturdy and get a Sundy.
I’m sure it’s not original but it makes me laugh to think of how I was making my dad insane asking for a DRIIINNNKKK and he would always come back with this.
As the engine sputters and shuts down the woman driving the car steers toward a nearby driveway and honks the horn hoping to get the attention of a guy herding cattle in the distance. Sure enough within a minute the man has ridden his horse over to her. He dismounts and gives a happy “Hello! Sounds like you’re having some car trouble. Can I help at all?” The woman replies that she’s not sure what happened but that she would love some help. They pop the hood and the man says he thinks he can fix the problem but has to run back to his barn to get some tools. The cows have come to see what’s going on and as the farmer gets ready to leave he says “Don’t worry about your car. I’ll have it running in a few minutes. Just head over there to the shade of the tree by the fence. The cows are all friendly. Bessy there likes to have her ear rubbed, Albert likes to look at people, and Mare will just moo a grand ole tune.” All of it is true and within 20 minutes the woman is happily sitting in her car with the engine running better than before. “Thank you so much, you’re a life saver,” she says. The man smiles and lets out a big laugh before saying “I’m glad I could help. But I’m no life saver. I’m just a jolly rancher.”
"Because that's a Farm-I-See"
I was on EDGE there.
...we stopped an an intersection. A big rig fully laden with hay bales approached from opposite direction. The driver made eye contact with me so I waved and yelled, "Hey!"
The kids tried to melt into their seats.
And on the way back, my son and I tortillaed through three bags of family size Doritos.
We would have pointed fingers at one another, but they were already in our mouths. Sucky situation, I know.
I turned the car around and said, "Son, now our mission is snackfued."
Salty from our spell of bad luck, we licked our lips and hightailed it back to Walgreens. I sent a MSG to my wife to tell her about the crunch we were in.
Many of our guests had already arrived when we finally returned, holding up our carb-earned trophies.
It was then that my son's friend complimented our modest country estate: "Cool Ranch!"
We saw one of those circular open-sided fences around some hay. My son asked what it was. "I don't know", I said, "but it certainly rings a bale."
But I did not see anyone that was completely Am.
Why did the farmer go fishing?
Oh, just for the halibut.
Farmers pay them a competitive wage.
Why doesn't he change his name to Keith Rural?
(From "The Glass House" TV series compendium book.)
He is from a small rural town and he does not know anything about traffic laws and street lights. He crosses a street and almost gets hit by a car. A police officer sees him and screams: "Oi! Did you come here to die?" The Australian replies with: "Nah mate, I came here yesterday!"
I always order a Spicy Italian on Herb and Cheese bread. It's so much better than rural cheese.
Dad and I went to the movies are a few years ago to see the second Lord Of The Rings movie and we found ourselves sitting a row in front of the catholic priest, Father John, who married dad and my step mother. We were in a small rural town so they started chatting about local sport and affairs and so on.
The trailers start and they kept talking quietly. Suddenly, a preview for "The Passion Of The Christ" comes on. Afterwards dad says
"Oh, that looks like one for you, Father"
Father John looks a little unsure
"Yeah, well, I've already read the book..."
Producing a amateur stage show which features Mr Trump. He ends the show setting up a small shop/fast food /grocery shop in a small rural location.
What would his shop be called? Hit me with your puns!
We were driving by a farm (shocker, I live in a rural area) and this exchanged happened.
Her: Awe that horse is starring at the group of horses in the other field. They must want a horse friend.
Me: Why? They'd just horse around all day.
Her: ..... ugh.
We were driving through a rural area near here when we went past an abandoned horse track, complete with stands etc.
She was pointing it out and saying "oh look, there's even the ticket booth!" and the like when she spots the horse stalls in a falling down old building.
She said "Do you think those are stables?"
I looked over at them and replied "Hmm. I don't think so. I mean, they don't look very stable to me!"
It was such a good joke that I laughed myself horse.
My dad and i are Wisconsin Badger fans and I swear every time UW plays Ohio State my dad says this joke about their coach: "Urban Meyer...did you know his brother, Rural Meyer?"
... has a brother named Rural?
Actually told to me at dinner tonight.
He lives in a somewhat rural town and someone he knows rode his horse through town today. As he pulled up next to him he asked " How many miles to the gallon does your MUSTANG get?"
So proud right now.
