A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."

β€œThose are just contractions.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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In honor of my father for Father’s Day, I’m going to tack you back to the 1990’s. This is rural southern America please read in southern accent.

Me: Daddy I’m thirsty!

My dad: Hi thirsty I’m Fridy lets go Saturdy and get a Sundy.

I’m sure it’s not original but it makes me laugh to think of how I was making my dad insane asking for a DRIIINNNKKK and he would always come back with this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kayl6
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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A car cruising down a rural country suddenly backfires.

As the engine sputters and shuts down the woman driving the car steers toward a nearby driveway and honks the horn hoping to get the attention of a guy herding cattle in the distance. Sure enough within a minute the man has ridden his horse over to her. He dismounts and gives a happy β€œHello! Sounds like you’re having some car trouble. Can I help at all?” The woman replies that she’s not sure what happened but that she would love some help. They pop the hood and the man says he thinks he can fix the problem but has to run back to his barn to get some tools. The cows have come to see what’s going on and as the farmer gets ready to leave he says β€œDon’t worry about your car. I’ll have it running in a few minutes. Just head over there to the shade of the tree by the fence. The cows are all friendly. Bessy there likes to have her ear rubbed, Albert likes to look at people, and Mare will just moo a grand ole tune.” All of it is true and within 20 minutes the woman is happily sitting in her car with the engine running better than before. β€œThank you so much, you’re a life saver,” she says. The man smiles and lets out a big laugh before saying β€œI’m glad I could help. But I’m no life saver. I’m just a jolly rancher.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/foyeldagain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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The abbreviated version of the Rural Development Research Report is pretty funny.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
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We were driving in a rural area and I asked my daughter, "Want some Drugs?" She said, "No, Why?"

"Because that's a Farm-I-See"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFifthStep
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2017
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I was on holiday in a picturesque rural lake area, got stressed at the lack of 4G and 3G signal though.

I was on EDGE there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YorkshireRiffer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
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Driving with my family in a rural area...

...we stopped an an intersection. A big rig fully laden with hay bales approached from opposite direction. The driver made eye contact with me so I waved and yelled, "Hey!"

The kids tried to melt into their seats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NativeSonSF
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
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My son and I were stocking up for the Christmas party at our new rural home...

And on the way back, my son and I tortillaed through three bags of family size Doritos.

We would have pointed fingers at one another, but they were already in our mouths. Sucky situation, I know.

I turned the car around and said, "Son, now our mission is snackfued."

Salty from our spell of bad luck, we licked our lips and hightailed it back to Walgreens. I sent a MSG to my wife to tell her about the crunch we were in.

Many of our guests had already arrived when we finally returned, holding up our carb-earned trophies.

It was then that my son's friend complimented our modest country estate: "Cool Ranch!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuenaPisteada
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2017
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One nation, indivisible....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bananacatguy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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Yaaaaaaassquatch!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TPWPY
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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My son and I were riding through a rural farm area...

We saw one of those circular open-sided fences around some hay. My son asked what it was. "I don't know", I said, "but it certainly rings a bale."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/radlee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
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We went to parade in rural Ohio yesterday and saw a lot of Amish folks

But I did not see anyone that was completely Am.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeekYogurt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2014
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Dad's go to joke in our rural town.

Why did the farmer go fishing?

Oh, just for the halibut.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/occupyredrobin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
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If Keith Urban loves country music so much ...

Why doesn't he change his name to Keith Rural?

(From "The Glass House" TV series compendium book.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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Cow tipping is just an urban myth.

Farmers pay them a competitive wage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
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An Australian is visiting England...

He is from a small rural town and he does not know anything about traffic laws and street lights. He crosses a street and almost gets hit by a car. A police officer sees him and screams: "Oi! Did you come here to die?" The Australian replies with: "Nah mate, I came here yesterday!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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No one will go to Subway with me anymore

I always order a Spicy Italian on Herb and Cheese bread. It's so much better than rural cheese.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrossTownBus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2017
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Dad jokes vs Father jokes

Dad and I went to the movies are a few years ago to see the second Lord Of The Rings movie and we found ourselves sitting a row in front of the catholic priest, Father John, who married dad and my step mother. We were in a small rural town so they started chatting about local sport and affairs and so on.

The trailers start and they kept talking quietly. Suddenly, a preview for "The Passion Of The Christ" comes on. Afterwards dad says

"Oh, that looks like one for you, Father"

Father John looks a little unsure

"Yeah, well, I've already read the book..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zenkraft
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2014
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Got my GF while driving home from rock climbing

We were driving by a farm (shocker, I live in a rural area) and this exchanged happened.

Her: Awe that horse is starring at the group of horses in the other field. They must want a horse friend.

Me: Why? They'd just horse around all day.

Her: ..... ugh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hooks_And_Needles
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2016
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Request for Donald Trump puns.

Producing a amateur stage show which features Mr Trump. He ends the show setting up a small shop/fast food /grocery shop in a small rural location.

What would his shop be called? Hit me with your puns!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oldmacd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2015
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I dad-joked my wife. We don't even have any kids.

We were driving through a rural area near here when we went past an abandoned horse track, complete with stands etc.

She was pointing it out and saying "oh look, there's even the ticket booth!" and the like when she spots the horse stalls in a falling down old building.

She said "Do you think those are stables?"

I looked over at them and replied "Hmm. I don't think so. I mean, they don't look very stable to me!"

It was such a good joke that I laughed myself horse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theredkrawler
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2014
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Every time we play Ohio State

My dad and i are Wisconsin Badger fans and I swear every time UW plays Ohio State my dad says this joke about their coach: "Urban Meyer...did you know his brother, Rural Meyer?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pawlije
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2013
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Do you think that Urban Meyer...

... has a brother named Rural?

Actually told to me at dinner tonight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Englishly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2016
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My 17 y/o son will make a great dad someday.

He lives in a somewhat rural town and someone he knows rode his horse through town today. As he pulled up next to him he asked " How many miles to the gallon does your MUSTANG get?"

So proud right now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fixerofthings
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2014
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