Tool pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rlygudplyr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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I pity the tool!
πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brandondsantos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the undisputed ruler of all hand tools?

The awl mighty.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stablefish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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I am waiting to recover from injuries caused by a small sharp tool:

Time heals awl wounds.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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What did the janitor call the tools he didn't trust?

SUSpplies

(courtesy of my 9 y. o. )

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/802Keys
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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Santa Claus announced that he’s giving everyone the same gardening tool for Christmas.

Hoe! Hoe! Hoe!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stchrysostom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What tool would deal best with a traumatic event?

A coping saw!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thingie2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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A surgeon told me a story about how he dropped a tool into a patients stomach once.

It was gut wrenching.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourlife602
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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This year's Fibonacci Convention was a great success.

It was as big as the last two combined!

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdb12345
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.

I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dasbett311
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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I see what you did there ( ͑❛ ΝœΚ– ͑❛)
πŸ‘︎ 611
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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Uh oh... Emergency: you brought me the wrong tool...

This is not a drill... I repeat, this is not a drill!

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FunetikPrugresiv
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Just got the perfect tool for making a good indian flat bread

it's a naan stick pan

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jahonay
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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I was having problems with my tools while digging for gold.

They were miner technical difficulties.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beyond_hate
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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My wife thinks I compulsively buy tools. I tell her it's really not a big deal....

It's my vice.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicferret
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s a tool for every job

At work, Gary has to cut holes in sheet metal and has to use a de-burring hook to remove the sharp edges of the cutout. He always catches someone with their guard down and ask to borrow their heater. Gary works inside in a warm clean building, so it’s an odd request.

Their head tilts sideways like a confused dog, and they say puzzled β€œHeater?”.

Gary replies, β€œYeah, your de-BUrRRrRR-ing tool” as he crosses his arms and shivers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nuclear-juniper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood.

He was hauling adze!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool?

Rock pay-for scissors

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diny_Tick1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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My lumberjack friend was irate because he had such dull tools to chop trees. So he went to his foreman.

He had an ax to grind.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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"Sir, we can't find the tool for making holes and, consequently, can't proceed. What should we do?"

"It's useless. Give up. Awl is lost."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I once tried eating tools

It was a really gut-wrenching experience.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLonelyKerbal
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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Two tradies were in a drunken fist fight over who's tools are who's.

Guess they were fighting tooth and nail over it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrToxicDwarf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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What is the best tool to make a car move?

A screw driver

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucianoMercuri__
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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I created a Linux background process for the Message Analysis Test Tool.

I call it the MATT DAEMON!!!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LunOverdose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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I once got my toe nails professionally trimmed. They used a hardened steel tool for smoothing my clipped nails...

In other words, a pedi-file.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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I was tool shopping yesterday, and happened to walk by the stud-finders.

The noise was unbearable.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rwsdwr
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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I got my dad a new tool that helps him remove things he has clamped onto his work bench.

He said he’d never heard of such a de-vice.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DowntownCryptid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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I just got my husband with my best one yet

I said, β€œwhat have I told you about leaving the power tools out where the dogs can reach them?”

He looked really confused and said β€œWhat? I didn’t leave anything out”

β€œbecause the dog is over here sawing some logs!”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaxinthebox14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
It's always important to do an operational check of your tools.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buwaro
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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A pirate is transported to modern day and stumbles upon a lumber mill while looking for work. When the pirate is asked if he knows how to use any of the tools...

He replies, "Arkansas".

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dominant_Dankster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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There was this shop in my hometown located where two streets met, they sold things like embalming tools and other specialty tools for working on dead bodies. This store was also known as....

The Coroner Store

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnJukes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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What tool do NASA use on satellites?

Orbital sander.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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Did you hear about the new tool they use for ice farming?

It's called an ice-sickle

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowDabber
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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What is it called when you cut wood with a tool covered in sriracha?

Hot saws.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealKingPotato
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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I'm sad today, I lost my favorite spanner.

It's a massive emotional wrench.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kalle_022
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do a mechanic and a lesbian have in common?

Snap-On tools!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thirteen_20
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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A truck unloaded tons of hand tools into a river...

It is now a screwed river

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend is always bragging about his woodworking tool like an axe but with the cutting edge perpendicular to the handle rather than parallel.

What an adze!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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A few years later....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Staarlord
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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Don’t think I’ve ever used a tool of this caliper before.
πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DariusIsBroked
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My ex- rapper friend decided to stop his gardening business because he was really careless with his tools.

He has hoes in different area codes.

πŸ‘︎ 279
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Need help in the garden? Can't carry all your tools? Get a happy dog!

The tail is a wagon!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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Just tooling around...
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSharpieKing
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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I scared my neighbor with my new power tool

I said, β€œDon’t be alarmed, this is just a drill!”

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jebnasty
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
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A true dad’s tool set
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxx_idiot_xxx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What tool does a pub for ravens second as?

A crowbar

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wamminjammin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report

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