Dad's son's joke...
Once upon a time, there was a dad and he was very well known at gatherings with his witty humor and painful puns.
Then his son came along, and very quickly picked up on dad's gifts but he used them on the internet instead.
Dad mused for a minute, and said it must be heredditary...
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
My French friend said “HELP! I’m in pain!”
Now I just need to get him out of that loaf
Who does Mr. Salt go to when he has back pain?
Why was the horse always in pain?
Because his name was Charlie.
If Hermes was the messenger god, the he sure was lucky not to have met the god of pain and old age...
I went to the Med school library to get a book on abdominal pain
Someone had already ripped the appendix out.
It was so painful having to put my pet dog down today.
I might have to get my back checked out.
"Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing." I said to my wife.
She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."
Why are there no pain killers in the jungle?
because the parrots eat em all
What do you call an idiot who’s hooked on pain killers?
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
I overdosed on Viagra once....
My wife went into labor today, so I read the front page of /r/DadJokes to her as a distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, she didn’t laugh once, was clearly not amused and I have no idea why...
It must have been the delivery...
Pirate goes to doctor to have groin pain checked. Dr. looks down pirates pants and says, “you have a captain’s steering wheel in your pants.”
Pirate replied, “arghh, it’s driving me nuts”.
My wife screamed in pain during labour so I asked, "What's wrong?". She screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"
"I am sorry, honey." I replied. "What is wrong?"
My friend said the the wind was really cold and painful...
I said "hey wind, chill..."
Why does a space rock taste nicer than an earth rock?
It’s a little meteor.
(Not a dad. But I told this to my dad and he approved)
I used to get painful shocks when touching a doorknob...
...but not anymore! I'm ex-static!
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
I feel pain looking at this
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.
After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"
The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"
What do you call a cow that doesn’t feel pain?
Having severe throat pain
Must be because Ice-cream a lot.
He was the breadwinner his family is in pain
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
I had an appointment with two physicians. They told me, “the more pain you experience, the better you will feel.”
What a strange pair-a-docs.
Lower back pain is the worst,
it's a real pain in the ass.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison.
Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
“I’m about to be in a crap ton of pain.” “Why?”
“I just ate spicy food, son.”
Wife: I’m trying to cut a piece of wood, but it won’t stay in place.
Husband: I recommend that you use this clamp with my company’s logo on it.
Wife: I don’t need your advise!
What do you call 60 minutes of pain?
How do German breads greet eachother?
I have a lot of pain
It's a good job I'm French, otherwise I'd have to pay healthcare...
What type of pain killers do they give you after a boobjob?
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain.
Somebody had ripped the appendix out.
My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, “What’s wrong?”. She screamed. “These contractions are going to kill me!!”
“I am sorry, honey,” I replied. “What is wrong?”
My wife claims that she can remove my chest hair without any pain at all.
I don’t think she will be able to pull it off.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.
My wife claims she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I’m worried she won’t be able to pull it off.
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