My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.

I Schwepped her off her feet.

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👤︎ u/uglyric
📅︎ Aug 27 2019
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There is a company in Michigan that makes tonic water for cats

Most people in Michigan are shocked to find out they live in a cat a tonic state

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📅︎ Aug 26 2019
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The Cheerio Joke

Oh boy do I have a joke for you kids! Its called the cheerio joke.


So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes homeless, living out on the street, probaly an alchoholic. But he falls in love with a frosted cheerio princess. So one day he sneaks into the royal gala and goes up to the princess and asks her "will you marry me?" Now she says "I like your style, youre a good looking guy, a bit scruffy but I like you. Tell you what I will marry you if you can become a frosted cheerio" So our guy goes back with a determination and gets a job and starts to pay off his debts. Now by having a job and his debts paid he becomes a level 1 cheerio. So he works, and he works, and he works, and he WORKS and he finally becomes a level 2 cheerio. Now he goes back to the princess and askes her again, "will you marry me?" she says "no honey you really do have to become a frosted cheerio first." So he goes back and he works and works, hes a fryboy at McGrubers or something, I dont care. So he works and he works and he gets promoted at the restraunt and is making more money. And he works and he works and he works and by having that income raise he finally becomes a level 3 cheerio. He feels sucessful for the first time in his life but he is starting to fall back on his old ways. One day he goes to the casino and he loses and he loses and he loses and he gambled all his money away and he gets fired to boot because gambling is against company policy. So he is back down to a level 1 cheerio. He gets a job on a production line at a nearby factory and determines himself not to fall back ever again. So he works and he works and he works and he works and he WORKS, level 2, level 3, and he is doing great again. He is promoted to Floor manager of the factory and he is doing great and becomes a level 4 cheerio. But then one day a rival company sabotages their operation by putting poison in their toothpaste or whatever the hell they were making. They have to pay out damages and PR and the like and they declare bankruptcy. He is knocked back down to level 2 for the lack in income. But he is hired almost straight away by a branch of a huge conglomerate because they recognized how hard of a worker he is. So he works, level 3, works, level 4, and he works and works and WORKS. So he is promoted t

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/t17389z
📅︎ Oct 17 2013
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Swiffer pads.

About a week ago, tonic water exploded out of the bottle as I was opening it, showering the kitchen. I was cleaning up, and decided to bust out the swiffer pad, because it's faster. (Heh.)

Anyway, this is the conversation that followed between my girlfriend and I.

> Her - Ugh those swiffer pads smell awful.

> Me - Really? Huh. I hadn't noticed.

> Her - Yeah, remind me to pick some up at the store.

A short silence.

> Me - Hey babe...?

> Her, leaving the room - I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU ARE REMINDING ME TO BUY SWIFFER PADS RIGHT NOW.

> Me - I'm not! Just wanted to say I love you.

> Her - Awww that is so sweet!

> Me - Also, remember to buy swiffer pads when you go to the store.

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👤︎ u/theintention
📅︎ Mar 14 2014
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A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water

Schwepped her off her feet.

👍︎ 15
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👤︎ u/dulcetsavanna
📅︎ Aug 03 2019
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A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water

Schwepped her off her feet

👍︎ 22
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👤︎ u/maxbergmusic
📅︎ Jul 31 2019
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A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water

Schwepped her off her feet

👍︎ 29
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👤︎ u/rotimi_babalola
📅︎ Aug 02 2019
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My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.

I Schwepped her of her feet.

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/GhostPotency
📅︎ Aug 18 2019
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I gave my date a bottle of tonic water

Schwepped her off her feet

👍︎ 46
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👤︎ u/Clbull
📅︎ Jan 04 2019
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A girl I like wouldn’t go out with me until I bought her a tonic water.

Schwepped her off her feet

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/borkichewchew
📅︎ Jul 31 2019
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