Throughly Puns

You can only "ran" because it's past tents. (Sorry if this has been posted before. I just joined this sub)

Without skipping a beat he said “Whorelocks.”

I looked down at my shirt and said, "but I like my polo".

I had to explain it, but once she got it she thought it was hilarious. I'm very proud of this joke.

I think I'm an attic

Because I'd be a transparent

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

I just hope he will accept my cookies.

No, I'm afrayed knot.

You just have to listen varicosely.

Me: It's an olfactory response.

"People like you make me sick!".

Not sure what to do in the Mean Time.

A meringue-utan!

Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .

But in the end; 2021.

Parsleigh

It left its tracks

I told them my kid was trans, which makes me Transparent

ehehe

They caught him by the organ.

“Sorry, mister,” he said. “I’m up to my ears in work.”

Because they needed to see a fizzier therapist.

It's a long term solution.

Because it is passed tents.

...sails are going through the roof.

A ship-ton!

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

His butt!!

Looks like I might have invisibility!

Because I’m trans parent.

I probably should have told her about the new electric fence..

He had television.

I herded through the grapevine

He dismantles them for a living.

He was kneading the dough.

It bumped into another cell and screamed "Jesus Christ!!" God was not happy, he said "You should never use the Lords name in vein."

He left a trail of deduction in his wake

There was a sign that said no tres passing.

It chew chews it!?

Credit: My 3 year old, who validated the joke through my 6 year old.

It was full of Wong numbers.

...beyond the O pun door.

You can only 'Ran' because it's past tents.

You can only ran...cause it's past tents

You can only ran, because it's past tents.

Because it's past tents.

Me: It's an olfactory response.

You can only ran, because it's past tents.