Every summer I get bit by one thousand and twenty four bugs.
My wife told me to get over it cause it was just one byte.
A thousand years ago, the boomerang was Australia’s only export.
Two Thirty, heard this pun a thousand times growing up in a house of dentists.
I love social media, I can offend thousands of people all at once...
Back in my day, I had to do it one at a time.
What's a thousand times better than Instagram?
TIL: A thousand years ago, a group of Russian explorers tried to sail into Alaska, but failed.
They couldn’t get their Bering Strait.
As I lay in bed, looking up at the many thousands of stars in the night sky, I think to myself...
WHAT IN THE HECK HAPPENED TO MY ROOF?
An ice cream man was found unconscious in his van today, covered in chocolate sprinkles, hundreds and thousands, raspberry sauce, caramel & nuts.
Police believe he tried to top himself.
For a thousand bucks I'll teach you how to make things levitate
What starts with “P”, ends with “E”, and has thousands of letters?
"A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load.
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.
Breaking news: Irish officials have reported that a passenger 747 has crashed into a Belfast cemetery. Investigators have discovered over ten thousand dead bodies at the scene. One local witness at a nearby pub claimed it was a Guinness record.
To be sure. I’ll let myself out.....
What did the Thousand Island say to the refrigerator?
Hey, close the door! Can't you see I'm dressing?
This just happened: I explained to my 11 year-old niece that wheat pennies are/were a thing. She didn’t believe me, so she looked it up on grandma’s phone. To our surprise, we learned that there are some people selling wheat pennies online for *thousands* to *TENS* *of* *thousands* of dollars.
To which I said, “That doesn’t make cents.”
My sister bet me a thousand dollars that I could not build a car out of noodles.
You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!
I picture is worth a thousand groans (found on FB)
Sting’s studio was broken into, thousands of dollars worth of gear stolen
Now the Police have no leads.
I think there are a thousand baseball fields in the US...
But that's just a ballpark number.
I made myself a turkey sandwich for lunch with pepperjack and thousand island. It wasn't quite a reuben...
...but I would say it was rubenesque.
The nearby Apple Store just got robbed thousands of dollars worth of MacBooks and iPhones...
...I heard the cops are now looking for iWitnesses
I just burned like a thousand calories....
It turns out pizzas are very good fire starters for arson.
Viagra worth thousands of dollars was stolen from the pharmacy yesterday.
They are looking for hardened criminals.
A "helen" could be used as a measurement of beauty, defined as a face that could launch a thousand ships. However, one should not use a "millihelen" to mean that a face could only launch one ship...
...because you shouldn't put metric prefixes on Troy units.
Making a sign for work. Any puns for thousand island dressing?
Did you know Caesar had a ranch on the thousand islands in north America?
I don't know why he called it a ranch they only grew lettuce.
If i toad you once i toad you a thousand times
A picture's worth a thousand words
Especially if it's a picture of a book.
A thousand dollars for a new Apple monitor holder?
Now that's grandstanding.
What do you call getting thousands of upvotes not 1 second after posting?
I got thousands of letters delivered to my house today...
That's the last time I order a dictionary from Ikea.
My mother-in-law always wanted to visit the Valley of a Thousand Hills, so I've booked her trip -
Thousands of people were fighting in the streets
The news said it was a sad situation.
I thought it was a riot.
When I was a kid, my Dad asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I was greedy and came up with the “brilliant” idea to ask for 10 thousand bucks instead of a toy so that I could buy heaps of toys.
To my surprise he shrugged and said sure.
On Christmas Day, I excitedly tore open my gift box. To my anger and disappointment, it only contained 10 plastic toy pigs and deers.
“Daaaaaddd!!!!” I wailed in tears.
Dad gave me the biggest shit-eating grin and said “Well, I got you ten sows and bucks just like you asked.”
My kids are so obsessed with the lizard from the movie Tangled, we have over a thousand figures of it around the house...
Let me tell you keeping track of a kilo of Pascals is a lot of pressure
I just finished reading “Twenty Thousand Leagues under the Sea.”
The entire novel was a sub-plot.
Did you know they made a video game about the Simpsons’ bus driver stealing a thousand bucks?
Thousands of crows were driving south for the winter
Archaeologists have discovered an oil stain that might be more than a thousand years old.
What do you call it when a thousand rabbits jump backwards?
Wanna hear a joke worth a thousand bucks !!?
A picture says a thousand words.
The inventor of fairy bread passed away yesterday. Hundreds and thousands attended his funeral.
TIL: A thousand years ago, the boomerang was Australia’s chief export.
Thousands of years ago, the boomerang was Australia’s only export.
TIL: A thousand years ago, the boomerang was Australia’s main export.
TIL: A thousand years ago, the boomerang was Australia’s only export.
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