My Wife got a thin crust pizza for dinner. It reminded me a lot of myself:
No dough and lots of cheese.
It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor, at the end of the day....
Apparently a lot of sniffer dogs are just vanishing into thin air.
Police say, they have several leads.
My wife was making gravy for dinner, and she added some corn starch, but it got too thick. To thin it out she added some water, but then it was too thin again. It went back and forth a few times before I said...
Ahh. I get it. It’s a viscous cycle.
People ask me why you so thin
I've been trying out some new knitting patterns, but I think my yarn is too thin
My uncle's friend won the Olympic gold with an epee made from a disposable thin metal sheet often used in cooking...
It was a good aluminum foil
How does the Queen (of England) stay so thin?
She keeps all her pounds in the bank.
What do you call a tall, thin girl with big feet?
I don't like thin pancakes..
What do you a thin turtle that is a god?
I tried to rob a bank but the vault was covered in a thin layer of aluminum
Needless to say, my plans were foiled
I'm going to show you a magic trick and make two bras out of thin air
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted…
The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line.
Only a fraction of people will understand this
*pulls candy bar out of thin air*
Kid: WOW are you a magician?
Me: no, but I have a couple of twix up my sleeve
You've heard of Newton's laws, but have you heard of Cole's law?
Someone keeps putting very thin sheet metal around my garden...
They keep foiling my plot!
My mate Dave told me he’s started shaving his head to hide his thinning hair.
I think it’s a pretty bald strategy.
A man was on trial for producing cents covered in a thin layer of gold...
I just told a dad joke so shit my wife shouted at me and stormed off (not a joke)
She said I wish you would put as much effort into life as you do your shitty jokes. It wasnt even that bad.
The man on the news said "...in the run up to christmas stores are already announcing record sales"
I said "thats not news HMV* announces record sales everyday".
*HMV is a music shop.
A friend of mine spotted a customer who looked quite thin
A preacher with a lisp hired a sinner to paint his church. To save money, the sinner man added water into the paint can. It didn’t work well. The preacher told him:
Young man, you need to repaint and thin no more.
My dad gave me the golden dad joke medal for this one...
Me: You've heard of Murphy's Law, right?
Mum: Yeah.
Me: What is it?
Mum: It's to do with bad luck.
Me: Cool, have you heard of Cole's Law?
Mum: No. What is it?
Me: It's thinly sliced cabbage
My workmate's patience is running thin
What do you call two thin guys hanging on your wall above a window ...
My friend said "My patience is running paper thin right now"
Painting a Church
A painter is desperate and bids low for a contract to paint the outside of a church. He figures he could still make a profit by adding water to the paint. He wins the contract.
He goes out one sunny day and after a long day's work, he finishes. Thunder cracks and the rain washes away the paint. A voice from the sky booms, "Repaint and thin no more!"
What is the difference between Murphys Law and Coles Law?
Murphys Law is the idea of anything that can go happen, will happen. Coles Law is just very thin sliced cabbage.
I replaced my bowstring with a thin tree limb.
It will break eventually, but it hasn't yet, so I'll nock on wood!
What do you call white thin bricks
If soft drinks came long, thin, wooden tubes, it would be fantastick.
I miss my SO a lot. I end up kissing and hugging thin air and she says it makes me look ridiculous. How do I recalibrate my aim? (r/fifthworldproblems)
reddit.com/r/fifthworldpr…
I'd just like to thank my legs for supporting me through thick and thin.
And my arms for being by my side for all these years.
What’s white, thin, and colored on by kids?
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
What do you call a thin skeleton?
My magician friend’s signature trick is to make cute kittens appear out of thin air.
His stage name is The Wizard of Awwws.
Gandhi
Gandhi, by the time he died, he was a very thin and elderly man who had walked almost everywhere he went barefoot causing thick pads on the bottom of his feet. He was also an extremely wise man who many considered a seer, and he ate ethnic Indian cuisine causing bad breath........Turns out he was a super fragile calloused mystic hexed by halitosis.
Finland has just closed it borders...
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted…
How did the magician make a candy bar appear out of thin air?
He had a lot of Twix up his sleeve
What is the difference between Murphys Law and Coles Law?
Murphys Law is the idea of anything that can go happen, will happen. Coles Law is just very thin sliced cabbage.
We all know about Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law?
It’s thinly sliced cabbage
We all know about Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong
But have you heard of Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage
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