[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
I need help following up with this pun, this is a video about a scientist giving a lecture about fire, I can’t think of any more other than pun-ch line
Two ninjas are sneaking up on their target when one of the ninjas asks the other: "do you think you can hit him from here?" and the ninja says:
As I lay in bed, looking up at the many thousands of stars in the night sky, I think to myself...
WHAT IN THE HECK HAPPENED TO MY ROOF?
I think it’s so important to keep speeches short and meaningful, I just stand up and say plethora
If I ever lose my leg in an accident, don’t think I’m lining up a proposal
I’m just always down on one knee
What kind of house do you think you can pick up!?
I’m not very bright but I’m pretty sure I can pick up a Light House!
I snuck up behind my daughter and whispered, "I think our microwave and our TV are spying on us!!! And I also think our vacuum cleaner..."
"...has been gathering dirt on us for years!"
If you think T-Rex is terrifying, you should see the amped up version.
So this is what i came up with atleast i think I did!
You know why Vladimir keeps getting elected as the president of mother Russia?
Because he be Putin alot of effort! Badum tsss
My 8 year old came up with this one, I still think about it:
Little Booger: Why are trees green?
Me: Uh, I dunno. Why?
LB: For camouflage!
Her: I think we need to break up. I’m sick of your addiction to Burger King.
Me: Fine. Have it your way.
I think there's something wrong with the constipation website I signed up to.
I was on a family vacation in Japan when I slept in one day. My dad flung open my door and told me to wake up. I said, “Dad, what do you think this is?...
...the Land of the Rising Son?”
Not to brag, but I think I came up with a good joke about the Ozone Layer.
People think just because I grew up in the ghetto back in the 80s, I should walk around carrying a big old boom box on my shoulder.
But I refuse to go with that stereotype.
Ladies: If you think your man has trouble "opening up,"
I think he's looking for someone to butter him up.
You know, sometimes, as I lie in bed, looking up into the great night sky, counting each star and watching the moon slowly float by, I think to myself:
"Where the fuck is my roof?"
[pun request] can anyone think of a pun relating to giannis antetokounmpo and rabbits/bunnies? Trying to come up with a pet name
Tree: Hey, Boulder, what do you think I should be when I grow up? Boulder: You would make a wonderful bedroom furniture set.
Tree: Yes. Yes I wood. Thanks Boulder, you rock.
Found a costume for the next dress-up party, I think it will be a great converseATION starter.
Listen, I know you think you're just so great for doing show jumping on a drugged up stallion but... I
I think you should get off your high horse.
Just made up my 1st dad joke, that I can think of after being a father for 3 and a half years.
I'm pushing my shopping cart to the cart corral after this loading my car with groceries. This lady is walking to the store and asks "Is that a good one" I says "yeah, I just had her tuned up" and then " it runs pretty smooth". All I got was a smile from her but I couldn't stop laughing on the inside myself.
I think we can all come up with a better name for underwear.
Butt hat’s none of my business.
My wife thinks it’s weird that I don’t miss the days when my kids were little and used to wake us up at night.
But I don’t lose any sleep over it.
I Need help coming up with an August pun! Each month I write something nice on our calendar to my wife using the month as a pun. Can’t think of one for August! Can anyone help?
My dad thinks he came up with a winner
What comes before seagull?
Beagle
Please don’t punch me hahahhaa
I think my child is going to be a graffiti artist when he grows up.
The writing’s on the wall.
I think this year, I’m going to give my belly button up for lint.
When Cheech and Chong broke up, do you think they fought for Joint custody?
I think my girlfriend might break up with me.
Sitting on the couch watching The Bachelor with my gf (hate the show but I spend most of the time reddit-ing). She starts talking about how the guy makes out with so many different girls and goes "He even has sex with one of them when they go camping." I responded with "Wow that's fucking in-tents." So I might be sleeping on the couch tonight.
I think when motorcyclists go up on one wheel, it’s wheelie cool
If you’re struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas. Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.
It all keeps adding up, I think I’ve had enough. Am I just paranoid, or...
My wife thinks i keep trying to butter her up...
But I would never margarinize her like that
Reading to my 5 year old the other day when this picture came up, and my wife said “he must be dropping a log.” I think I’ve trained her well.
https://i.imgur.com/gCd9CRy.jpg
What do you call it when someone thinks they do not like onions but ends up liking them?
I think my dad comes up with his best material early in the morning.
imgur.com/a1mfKTn
So I was trying to think up a witty pun one day. Anyway, Indian food.
How's that for a Naan Sequitur?
Do you think that when you get really dressed up...
It should be called Avant Garb?
You think your weight has gone up?
I'm pretty sure it's still downstairs.
My dad told his first dadjoke today, at least that I've heard, so I had to share it. Don't know how well it works in English though
My wife said she thinks her back is messed up cause it's hurting.
I told her to sleep on it and let me know.
What beverage does someone stock up on when they think the world is going to end?
Still cracks me up when I think about it. Dads are the best!
Backstory: Many years ago I was living on my own about 45 minutes away from my parents. I had a stable job but didn't make much money and was broke most of the time. I had an old beat up car that was my only form of transportation. I would always have mechanical issues with the car and finally one morning it decided it wouldn't start no matter what.
I sheepishly had to call in to work and explain the situation and let them know that I would have to take a sick day but would figure some way to get to work the next day. I called my dad and he offered to come pick the car up on his trailer and take it back to his garage to work on it and get it in shape to trade it in.
He drives to my apartment, we get the car on the trailer and we are headed back to his house. The whole ride there I'm pretty pissed off and depressed about the whole situation. I'm worried about finding a new car and how I'm going to afford it and what I'm gonna do if I can't get it running again.
Dad senses my mood and pretty much keeps quiet the whole time. We get about three blocks away from his house and he utters this gem.
"Man, this car won't get off my ass. He's been tailgating me for 45 minutes now."
This was the perfect thing to snap me out of my funk and break the tension. I absolutely lost it. Only a Dad Joke could make me realize how trivial the whole thing was. I have told this joke to others who didn't really think it was that funny, but to me at the time it was the greatest thing ever.
Thanks Dad.
I've been trying to think up a cannibal dad joke but it's not coming to me
It's really eating me up inside
This may be a crazy idea, but I think we'll make out like bandits. Gear up boys. We're robbing that train!
I like to think I'm very fast at coming up with a dad joke in response to a comment or situation...
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