Told this tasteless dad joke to my daughter yesterday.

Helping my daughter with her remote-learning geometry schoolwork.

"Ok dad, imagine you are in a room with a ceiling and four walls. How many planes intersect the floor?"

"Well if that room was is in the Twin Towers, two."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CiDirkona
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Pad your repertoire with these
  1. ARBITRAITOR A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's
  2. BERNADETTE The act of torching a mortgage.
  3. BURGLARIZE What a crook sees through
  4. AVOIDABLE What a bullfighter tries to do
  5. EYEDROPPER Clumsy ophthalmologist
  6. CONTROL A short, ugly inmate.
  7. COUNTERFEITER Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
  8. ECLIPSE What an English barber does for a living.
  9. LEFT BANK What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.
  10. HEROES What a man in a boat does
  11. PARASITES What you see from the Eiffel Tower
  12. PARADOX Two physicians
  13. PHARMACIST A helper on a farm
  14. POLARIZE What penguins see through
  15. PRIMATE Remove your spouse from in front of TV
  16. RELIEF What trees do in the spring
  17. RUBERNECK What you do to relax your wife
  18. SELFISH What the owner of a seafood store does
  19. SUDAFED Brought litigation against a government official
  20. PARADIGMS 20 cents
๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/David_Crockett
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
my father loves to tell this one

So in France in the 1500s there was an old tall church, and recently, the man who rings the bells grew sick and died. So the priest decided to hold interview for the job of the bell ringer. Nobody showed up but one man, he was a tall, strong looking man, but he had no arms. The priest, not wanting to turn anyone away, gave the man an interview, he seemed qualified but the priest didn't know how he would ring the bell, so he said no "Oh please father let me do it I'll prove myself, oh it'll be the best you've ever seen" the priest decided to give him a chance, they went up the winding stairs for a while till they reached the top. The man looked at the massive bell, but with excitement not fear, he was to ring the bell 5 times. He stepped back and ran full speed hitting his face to the bell, BANG. He stepped back, a bit shook up, but he shook it off and ran at the bell again, once again with his face, BANG. He did that two more times, then after the forth time He stepped back for the grand finale. He ran full speed and smashed the bell with such force it could be heard towns over, but with the force he was knocked back over the threshold and put if the tower to his death the priest ran full speed down the stairs to find a crowd around the mangled body of the of the armless man, a man walked over the priest and said "father who was this man who fell from the tower" to which the priest replied "I never caught his name but his face rings a bell".

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KattheImpaler8
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 21 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I'm not a dad, but I did my best

I ejected my friend's PS3, which opened up LOTR: The Two Towers. He said, "I was too tired to watch the whole thing so I stopped halfway." I immediately responded with "oh, so you watched LOTR: The One Tower?" He just told me to shut up

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/clothmerchant
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 01 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
New dad and already practicing my dadjokes

Driving with my wife, saw one of those cell towers disguised as a tree. I point at it and said, "look hun, a phony tree!"

She said, "a what?" then looked at it and look back at me. I repeated "it's a phony tree!" A second or two later, eyes rolled follow by small groan.

Of course, a smile on my face for the next minute or two.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bebopblues
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Lord of the Rings dadjoke

When Gandalf reveals himself in The Two Towers, we were all commenting on how he was the white wizard.

Me: "he's not Gandalf the Grey anymore!"

Dad: "he's now Wandalf the White!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheReezles
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 04 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My dad just e-mailed me a list of definitions:
  1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds

  2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do

  3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage

  4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with

  5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate

  6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

  7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living

  8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist

  9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does

  10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money

  11. MISTY: How golfers create divots

  12. PARADOX: Two physicians

  13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

  14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm

  15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with

  16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV

  17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring

  18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife

  19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does

  20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official

๐Ÿ‘︎ 52
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SnideRemarkDept
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 17 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.