From my girlfriends daughter. A classic Iβm so proud of her. Sheβs sees a road work ahead sign coming up on side of the road.
She proudly announces β well if it doesnβt we are all deadβ. Hahahaha
π︎ 127
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︎ Mar 21 2021
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
π︎ 25
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︎ Mar 20 2021
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
Because dogs were chasing it.
π︎ 12
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︎ Mar 15 2021
The guys fixing the potholes on our road have completely disappeared.
I have no idea when theyβre going to resurface.
π︎ 13
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︎ Mar 10 2021
Just saw Mark Knopfler walking down the Road...
He was carrying a 19th century French masterpiece under his arm and a cage with 2 baby birds in his hand.
I asked how much they were and he said, "I got my Monet for nothing and the Chicks for free".
π︎ 19
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︎ Mar 11 2021
I saw a guy drop all his Scrabble letters across the road.
I had to ask him, what's the word on the street.
π︎ 98
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︎ Feb 17 2021
Why did the pelt thief cross the road?
To get to the otherβs hide.
π︎ 22
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︎ Mar 13 2021
Never blame anyone else for the road you're on...
...that's your own asphalt!
π︎ 110
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︎ Feb 10 2021
A magic tractor drove down the road ...
π︎ 6
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︎ Feb 17 2021
My friend's 4 year old said this one: Why did the dad cross the road?
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 19 2021
Why did it take so long for the chicken to cross the road?
There was no eggs-press lane!
π︎ 12
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︎ Mar 04 2021
Road Signs Across The Country Are Warning Drivers Of Road Conditions
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 19 2021
someone said that the name scar was a bit on the road
but then i say "no its a big one on his eye"
π︎ 2
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︎ Mar 09 2021
3 tomatoes crossing the road...
Here's a car - thurrrp
Where? - thurrrp
There - thurrrp
π︎ 2
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︎ Mar 08 2021
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was in a curry.
my bad.
π︎ 11
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︎ Feb 22 2021
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't. It got run over.
π︎ 8
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︎ Feb 01 2021
Why did Darth Vader cross the road?
π︎ 10
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︎ Feb 21 2021
Why did the cyborg have to rest after his long road trip?
Because he had a hard drive
π︎ 66
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︎ Feb 05 2021
What did the chicken say to the duck at the side of the road?
DON'T, you'll never hear the end of it
π︎ 21
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︎ Feb 11 2021
Now that Iβm officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.
I turn to her and say βI bet he donβt have the guts to do that againβ
Edit: holy shit yβall this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy
π︎ 6k
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︎ Aug 04 2020
How did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken's foot
π︎ 22
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︎ Feb 12 2021
Why did the sweet potato cross the road?
So that it could be the other side.
Courtesy of my 6 year old. Iβm so proud.
π︎ 3
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︎ Feb 22 2021
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put on the wrong socks this morning.
π︎ 85
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︎ Dec 19 2020
Donβt blame others for the road that youβre on
Thatβs your own asphalt
π︎ 31
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︎ Dec 30 2020
When the road is a bit rocky...
π︎ 32
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︎ Dec 26 2020
I ran out of gas on the side of the road. Along comes a swarm of bees.
I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.
π︎ 15
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︎ Dec 13 2020
So proud of my 3 year old daughter... her first dad joke. βHey Dad, why did the duck cross the road?β
Because the chicken had the day off.
Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isnβt divulging her sources. Hilarious.
Edit: The first joke sheβs told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)
π︎ 682
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︎ Oct 01 2020
Road trip - why did the Dad tell the kids to take out their pencil and pad?
The sign said Draw bridge.
π︎ 11
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︎ Jan 23 2021
Why did the undefined cross the road?
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 13 2021
Why did the preschooler cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 12 2021
SpaceX's rocket was designed to be as wide as it could be and still be transported on the roads.
So when the boss wanted to make it larger, they had to elongate it.
π︎ 8
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︎ Dec 14 2020
Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought "the streets are strangely desserted tonight."
π︎ 5k
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︎ Jul 15 2020
A magic tractor drives down the road...
π︎ 6
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︎ Mar 10 2021
Why didnβt the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in the crack.
π︎ 55
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︎ Jan 17 2021
Why didnβt the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
π︎ 14
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︎ Jan 20 2021
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 11 2021
Why couldnβt the toilet paper cross the road?
π︎ 114
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︎ Nov 18 2020
Don't blame others for the road you're on.
π︎ 124
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︎ Nov 29 2020
Donβt blame others for the road youβre on...
Thatβs your own asphalt
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
Donβt blame others for the road youβre on.
Thatβs your own asphalt.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
Don't blame others for the road you're on.
π︎ 80
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Why did the sperm cross the road?
I put the wrong socks on this morning
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 15 2021
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 24 2020
You canβt blame anyone for the road youβre on.
π︎ 12
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︎ Dec 15 2020
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